more / be fore i go / try to lose my mind

---

& sudden lee / flood gates open
words manifest / & i can't get enough
of the sun / /





i glean the last of the raspberries from the
dying branches / next years canes grow
tall / green / violent lee / taking over the garden


& i'm thank full for /
ever bear ing straw berries
sweet est taste /

if i were to die tomorrow / i'd know i'd
tasted the sweet est fruit of all / /


the slugs seem to know this too
as they bore tiny holes in to the side
of the fruit / leave traces of dried film
as testament to their travels / their tastes



wait for the phone to ring


wait for some thing to shift / some thing
to look for ward too / / try to re main
content in / this day /


why doesn't summer feel the same any more



& how i hate this slow encroach ment of my
age / lines creep up / & i be come dis satisfied
with the way i look / the way i feel


i feel as if / i'll never really be happy


& wonder at a lack of faith / in my self

& how / all talk / can makes dreams seem a live
but can dreams come to fruition / /



ah to ripen to full death / /like the raspberries
be come ing so full of sun light / they fall from
the branch es / or dry up / for the birds


& the five year old asks / where did the cherries go mom
why aren't there any / /

this is a child who believes
his soul lives in his big toe


& i wonder where my soul went
some where on the other side of the sun
the winter side / empty wait ing for the earth
to come catapulting / in to / ah the frozen time






in the dream


i buried my heart in a patch of dirt
in the middle of a sun scorch ed field


left it there / never to re turn /


& i be come agitated / pull weeds
to ward off / the pacing / chain smoking









3 days later / / i can't stop
think ing

can't stop think ing / / /






i wonder what this sik ness is / i suffer from
delusion / heart break / / dis satisfaction

& all the purple petals fall from the clamatis
brown / every thing turns autumn brown / & i haven't
seen september yet


i want to be lost in june / where did july go
this month is half over / i lost you



& i think this day is pass ing too
like all the others be fore / all the others
to come


& i think of my friends who've died
who'll never get this day / /

& wonder
why can't i feel bless ed

why can't i seize this day
& be okay with it



/