show me some face /

& so / a last post of the year


this funny place / of leaving thots
strange words / & constant / weather watch

of dry fall ing snow / no thing un usual about
snow fall ing in december / no thing un usual
about the earth / be ing on this side of the sun
the all pervasive dark ness

now i count you in



three / two / one




& these days of ex cess es / are /
hope full lee / done

i am / ex haust ed /



& in some parts of the world / it's all ready next year / i wonder
what 2006 feels like / per haps just / only / a passage of time
not a feel ing @ all / only move ment / of the spiral / galactic fractal

& i think / i want to miss mid nite / not sure why / may be / i
can't stand an other drink / an other cigarette / / & i am / wish ing
this year / over / over / oh /


& what can one say / about / an other year / gone /
the kids got tall er / every one in school now /
it went so fast / who knows what happen en this year
/ & summer / spring / all that
now for got ten / we wait for next spring / this summer
& winter has bare lee begun / / let's see / 3 months of this
snow / /

when will / days creep in to light





& what is it about the colour green
& how water / runs thru mountains
pools green er than / you've ever remember ed
& i think / time has for got ten / to tell you
it all ways / ends like this // lowt of wynter

& you say / i'm wait ing for robbie burns nite
i'm going to live until then /
& i think / i'm wait ing / for tall reeds / &
the call of summer birds / & ocean salt
to cure the wound
yes / i say / robbie burns nite / you can
make it to there /
/ /


this season takes / you slow lee / closer
to your lady of the lake / wrapped tight in
wet hair / she's waits to bind you
to the dream / of shadows / other life
a thot / a thot / & these dark days
push / tight / pull mountains in tight
formation / ah yes / wait for her to tilt again

& i swear the lake moves a little different lee now


when stars / lose / ah twinkle / when clouds
cover all / when sky / re fuses to split open











/

bucket of blood / / yes / i am

by the tearful dishwasher http://thedishwasherstears.blogspot.com/ 

fear & loath ing in b.c. / late nite / lost / & a few wish es too

& i am / wonder ing / who i am / / a gain

mother / ah do i bother / / not much of

& this day / gives me / head ache / heart ache

burnt eyes / / ah / burn me a soul

& what is this obsess ion with prayer

let me / & excuse the mess / my mind be comes







& so i wander / yet a gain thru the valley of
i shall fear no evil / / only be

an un finish ed thot / these are not my thots
tho i walk thru the valley of / / who did you say
you were again / / i can not / comment



& i wonder about / truth in words
& in tention / & running a way


see/ i've got this thot / an idea / stuck
in side my mind / / it's a bout / running
getting on a bus / or a plane / it's a bout
steal ing a car / be come ing bonnie

dis appear ing













ah / but the woman has 6 / she would never do it
a mother you know / / i wonder how she does it
& little do / they know / /




& to day / came late / dark morn ing
we sleep / the house sleeps / & we for get
in our beds / we for get a bout the dark ness
& this mother / wish es to for get a bout many
things / like / xmas & shopping / & debt in curr ed
wish es to for get the cold / & the an ger

all ways / push ing down / doubt /

yes / these days are meant to be for gotten







& i wish for the ache to go / / leave now
body / torn / which way to go



& see / there are no practical words on
a night like this one / there are only words
made to be questions / /


rising fools / / hail hail / & my bones be come
timber / brittle / burnt / i'm sure there was
a fire / / & if i only could re member / it's a black
spot / to be sure



love some / weep some / some dance for joy* ~shpongle


nite for wish es / / & the bitter night /be comes
what is this punish ment of cold / lowt of winter





& so a for a moment / life be comes mean ing less
mean ing /



it's this time of night / i hear the train / well past
mid night / whistle echos through the valley
up in to / the mountain tops / funny how sound
all ways / travels up / un til the sky can't take it
any more / un til the clouds grow weary & black

i keep wait ing for stars / i keep wait ing for snow
some thing to break the oppressive cold / mood


& some how i wish i could / fall in to / this season
em brace the dark ness / /





so /
& i am smoke ing joints for jesus / can't get
any high er / & i am afraid of my feet not
touch ing the ground / i am afraid / of me



for getting to fly /



i'm afraid

i've lost the day / a gain





/

on hear ing the news

/ / i knew i lost you
before you knew / or did you





& i am think ing / / you say / broken heart
is good for writing / i say / my hearts not broken

you'll be back / a leopard doesn't change it's spots



& what do i care / if you & you & you / fall in love
with out me / my love is one sided

self full fill ing

only you could under stand that / love pass es
this way / over there / some times / it rush es
under my feet / a tip / a trip / trick me / i love
to be fool ed / /

stop speak ing / listen / just listen / / i have no words of my own these days / lock ed in my head a gain

A writer's life is a highly vulnerable, almost naked activity. We don't have to weep about that. The writer makes his choice and is stuck with it. But it is true to say that you are open to all the winds, some of them icy indeed. You are out on your own, out on a limb. You find no shelter, no protection – unless you lie – in which case of course you have constructed your own protection and, it could be argued, become a politician.

Harold Pinter – Nobel Lecture

Art, Truth & Politics

& then what my friend had to say about all this :



and says everything that needs to be said
for amerikka to smash the mirror, see
the swazzickkas on our jackets
guantanamo nicuruagua, chile, indonesia.
indiction of bush non parallel.

how long will the rest of the world
put up with the skoolyard bully? hmmmmm?

i'm glad of my fire, it made it easier
to lose things. there is a storm
brewing, it'll hail troopers and anti
aircraft missiles, lights out invasions
china will rescue the world. we've shipped
them our mnf bases. tapestry of lies
he called it. lean back on yr ignorant
cushions he told us. be prepaired for the fire
this time. why do the amerikkan ppl
not see our only rescue is impeachment?
even then, our crimes are horrendous
enough to demand restitution for decades.
africa, south america, mexico, dya
ever wonder why they're paterolling the border now?
he spoke of a growing disenfrachised population
disenchanted, grumbly. iwonder if he realises
how they controll thru the courts...
the border is permeable. this is why they
hatemonger canada. in 2 years we have to have
passports. the noose will tighten. the invasion
will begin. the chess board is beginning to lose
pawns, soon it will bleed bishops. we
need impeachment like a war chant.
come on bloggers wasssup? are we
the ppl in control of this country
or is is the corps.es? how far
will the ignorance rain? who do i need
to call dammit? impeachment of both
the president andthe vice president
a vote of no confidence.
can we have a special election for that?

hey scar,
what's the chances of filing a court injunction
against the further operation of the us guvment
until the blood stained bush cheney rumsfeld triad
in run outta town on a peach?

can we tie the bastards up with red tape
or do they own all that too?



/

i couldn't care less

i guess i have more important things to worry about


i just wonder what it is about interactions on the internet


& how people get so petty about what other people are or

aren't doing / / jeezuz fuck / i hope no / body is keep ing

track of me / / / or i'm really in for it

ah recycling taken to a new level / or welcome to our house

got milk?


from stranded's blog


& that's just the plastic jugs / i don't even want to
get in to the cardboard / tin cans / mixed paper
glass / etc

& what is there to speak of /

when there is / no thing left to say


i am static / / neither for ward
nor back / a day full of circles

i wish for paisleys / & fractals
why can't i be broken down / like that

to night i read to 7 people / the bar
empty / crowd less distraction

i am / ask ing questions / but /every one
is cold / un re sponsive


a day spent cook ing / i day / dream
thru the steam / about stand ing on
stage /

this morn ing / kitchen soup / /
this after noon / moms giant chili
& 3 dozen cookies / / it's not all ways
like this / / but on this day / it's what
keeps me going / some where be tween
cans of kidney beans / black bean / tomatoes
some where un der my knife / onions & garlic
celery & peppers / / i think of poetry

& why am i like this / / what is this hope
i hope to give / to me / what is this

poet



my blog / be comes / my sell out
i can't hide here any more / in my
quest for popularity / i kill ed my
beautiful hide out / / lol / / i am
crzy / aren't i / / may be i should
get off the cookie / / /



*better be care full man / that shits addictive
stay off the mind / / think ing will make you crzy er

than you were / to start with

& i ask the audience to night / if i'm too old
to be on the pot / i mean / isn't it push ing
just a bit / & damn / i'm too young to be this
old / / & i hate moving with the seasons
i hate this push push push / around the sun

i want it to stop / / to balance out some how
if only the earth could tilt up / just bit / it's all
i'm ask ing / (never mind the colossal weather changes)
it's happen ing with out the tilt / changing @ all

& i'm think ing / / may be it is end times
the / Great Pass ing / / so eloquent lee put
by a poet friend of mine / / & so i be lieve
not in god / but in the passage of time / end less
cycle / which i'm not able / to stop

last nite / all ways last night

my eyes burn with / it's late
& i've had a couple of smokes
& a couple of shots of /

to kill you

& my nose is plugged / a gain
i'm sick / a gain
& what's with all these fuck ing germs
every where /

& the nite is frozen / & my heart is frozen
& all around / so much pain / & i am im patient
with my friends / i say / do what you need to do

the things you want the most are never easy
never easy / / i say this with love / /

& i wish / the ones i love / to be near me
distance kills / ah kiss/ such a better word
& wouldn't you stand near me /& wouldn't you hold
my hand / & wouldnt you say

i love you / too / too / too







never a lone in this life / / all ways
flux / ride this tide / & if we weren't so
far in land / i might take you for a ride


& i am think / ing / / patience /


& how some times /ven gence cross es
over / & how hard it is to stay stand ing
stuff the feel ings / / & love is never static
moves with this tide we are rid ing / how the moon
pulls us this way / that

how the earth wish es to spin me right off
cast a way my soul / ah / but spirit all ways
hangs on / /

& it's not the way you die / it's not that you are dying
it's me / watch ing / i wait / / & i know


for sure / i know / /
the end is all ways / near / / it's all about acceptance

why i love hippie craque / / ah / third eye

/ or was it / just too much acid


hint* when you click on this link / be sure to click
on the photos to enlarge so you can fully appreciate



i believe these are drawn with pencil crayon

unconscious mutterings / week 148

1. Amazing:: how the earth tilts
   
2. Delights:: christmas lights
   
3. Inspired:: all ways
   
4. Disgusted:: can't name it
   
5. You:: me
   
6. Vagina:: mine
   
7. Palm:: hand
   
8. Sweetheart:: candy
   
9. Guilt:: mother me
   
10. More to come:: of course
    

Unconscious Mutterings

cry ku / or / when i quit smoke ing / & a few other lies

worst morn ing ever
tired of all my anger
no / this isn't me






un happy girl lives
here / she's not sure why crzy
loves to love crzy




aha / & he says
i've caught you / & in your lies
there is never truth





this broken season
oh yes / dis content rises
nerves / shatter ed white bones







where were you when you
were where you were / waiting / yes
wait / winter passes







& see / if i wasn't
so cold / this could have mean ing
but / i'm mean ing less






never let go / for get
see / season all ways changes
its me / i can't change




/

unconscious mutterings

1. Stuffed::full
   
2. Armstrong::sore
   
3. Bruise::black circle
   
4. Content::xrated
   
5. Musical::us
   
6. Assistance:: what i give
   
7. Scrambling::eggs of my life
   
8. Battle::this fight
   
9. Extended::time
   
10. Discount::must be broken
    

http://subliminal.lunanina.com

things i wrote this past year / / these last bunch of poems

they say / 3 days after the asian tsunami

“. . . the shaking was so powerful it even disturbed the earth's rotation.”

“. . . we found several thousands in the water”

/ wet
against the sand / they were
team ing / hair float ing wet /

think about all that
wet hair / /

        wish i could describe the light as it
        bounces pink & grey off the cloud
        settled in the valley below /
        in front of me / winter cloud

Ø

“. . . the earth rocked on her axis from this earthquake”
“. . . her after shocks left us vibrating”

a jolt right thru me / you / did you feel the earth shake

did you know it was happen ing

no / i suppose not / not until a few hours later
when the wave hit the shore wash ing you
& every thing else a long with it's magnificant power

“. . . power of a million atomic bombs”

one hell of a wave

Ø

hang on hang on / that's all you could think
before you went under the shell of blue
oh that indian ocean / such lovely blue water

& the fish / the fish / can you imagine them
rush ing past your head / touch ing your face
skimming a long your back / swimming with
a school of fish / such beautiful blue eyed / yellow with stripes
certain lee those fish / flip flip flip / bodies shiny glint
of
not sure what to do / / fins a rapid motion
of /
swim with the wave

in in in / rush of ocean / rooms fill with water
up up up / to the ceil ing /
if you can only hold your breath / it will be ok / /

so you don't /
you just give in to the shock of drown ing
as the wave / oh that wave / it pulls you /
back to the sea / out / in to the water / gone to see

Ø

is that death you wear so
well on this late december nite / / remember:
winter has come again / face face to the sun

remember / / mother earth / she's one mean bitch
you want death / i'll give you death
an enormous disturbance for mass consumption / /

& after / bodies pile up
so easy to call them / bodies /
arms & legs askew / bent / bloat ed /
heat creates a quick rot / stench of dis ease
did you realize your body was a vehicle
of pestilence

ah in death / i am nothing / /

tell me
when did you know it was
time to come out of the water /
time for your soul
to leave

tell me
when did your spirit rise

we got our year /

i am / touch ing the floor of in sanity

& you are turn ing white again /
face / eyes / your skin
thin white skin / you
blend in with this december nite

& i am in grief / a pre conceived notion
last spot devotion
ah / & these words look odd again to me

she says / no it wasn't a stroke
it's brain cancer / / he's getting confused
body an explosion of / muscles gone a stray

he couldn't remember
what he was talk ing about
@ all

& this bird thinks / / i'm the symptoms
brain refuses to remember any more
i can't remember / gaps
perhaps it's only tired ness

you are / so brave my dear
just deny death / /
you’ve been near there before

i wish i coul hold you to gether
wrap a band aid around your crown
/ & say / / it's gonna
be okay / just fine / just right / right as rain





i've never felt closer to death than i do right now

some thing about getting old / body breaks down
failure to for get / remember / how organic we really are

cancer / reminds me of mildew in the garden
leaf rot / spreads / covers the leaves
in brown / black spots / back to the ground

what cancer cells do / they travel





no meaning

& the words lose all mean ing

fine fine
carry on
every thing is
fine fine

eyes pinned from the morphine
kills the

yes we know what it is - name thee: pain
yes we know what it is - name thee: can sir

god damn it

& the body breaks again - -

lay ers of snow

a hot bath cures the cold / water sweetened
with epsom salts / hippie scented oils
rosemary / peppermint / & clary sage
to ease stress & agitation

steam forms in circles on the large windows
this is how wealth is measured

peel away layers of sweaters & tee-shirts
pants & long-johns / underwear & socks
step up over & down / into the cast iron tub

hot water softens calluses
wrinkles fingers / laves away
unpleasant thoughts / anger
& tears / the confusion of love

how much does a heavy heart weigh &
what is the temperature of a cold heart
with my toe i turn on the tap marked H
skin isn’t nearly red enough

when we were junkies
we went to the steam baths on east hastings st.
we would sweat it out
try to cleanse / steam away the pain the aches
return to normalcy

eyes closed arms crossed / i hold my breath &
go under / pretend to be somewhere else

excuse me / i'm not here right now
could you leave a message / i'm waiting for snow

the year is over / washed out
blue sky hides behind clouds & gray
autumn now / brown & worn orange

earth waits for winter / traces of snow
to hide the dirt / soften sharp lines / create silence
cleansing of another kind

a layer of snow to cover the pain
a layer of steam to melt it off again

it's all ways / a matter of / life & death /

& see / this is the way of baker s

a bit of spelt flour / a hand full of carob

home made granola mix ed / just for good measure

& butter / of the green est type







& i'm wonder ing / where the lone siren rising up thru
the valley / where it's going / & in our town
a siren is almost an occasion / all most a rarity / & geez
it could be some one / you / i know /

so different than the city / where sirens are / be come
a main stay / back drop / to the noise / / & if those
sirens were silenced / the city might cease being
some how if the sirens were silenced / the junkies
might clean up / & the cars would disappear
each pane of glass / in every building / would crash
to the ground as a / final protest

if the sirens stopped / all the lights would stay red
& there would be / no more left turns







& i am think ing back wards a gain /

a bout streets slick with rain / & melt ed
traffic lights/ & how a junkies perspective is
just a little bit different / than / your perspective

& in the bath to day / i think a bout those days
ah / the bad old days / sell ing soul

take it like a girl / my arms ache @ the thot
of / my stomach rolls / & ah / the nod

so much work / for the nod / so much work to stay
a live / to find the urge / / well / one cant
all ways go on this / that way / & no / not me

no more / i can't be that girl / be cause i've
be come / this woman / this person / & junkies
are like half hour old dreams / part lee remember ed
most lee for gotten / hazy @ best









& to day / death is all around / in finite / in it's kind ness

grate full with de lite / / dances / taunts / plays

games with my / head


& so i give in to / it / so hard to watch you die

grow weak / st.ill / the good / ah / fight it / /







but i'm think ing / it's not so bad / to die

some thing's gotta be peace full / / not beat en down

not beat en to death / / you see

no bombs fell / the air / st.ill fresh







& will light / does light / really conquer dark ness

not this time of year / when days be come nite time

choked out / by the pervasive ness of thick cloud

i haven't seen mountain tops in days / i for get

how the sun / feels / a gainst my face




& i am lost in thot / a gain / i am lost

in these days / of too fast ness /

& how the weeks roll / in to / what year

was that















& the air / drops / north wind picks up /
these are cold days / these are layers of clothing
hats & scarves / this is / me / for getting what
my skin looks like /

& i wait for snow / to bright en / fill the spaces

& this branch is bare / & this garden is finish ed














& it's quiet in the house that rock built

clock ticks in to mid nite / & dreams fill

the up stairs bed rooms /




































/

word search es that lead to my blog /

/



clouds in my eyes



marijuana poems roll it light it poke it smoke it





jeezuz fuck / /

i'm re duced to / clouds & weed


ah / let me roll it





/

reality tunnels / & bull shit /

see / it's not a bout con tent

it's a bout / words that don't look right
it's a bout / words / connect ed in all the
wrong ways / /


now per haps / if i wrote a bout

glass in my ass / / brilliant as it is

i'm sure / i'd find my shining /




excuse me / but / this is my reality tunnel

a hem







cloud lays low / thick /
we are lock ed / in to
/ this valley



& i can't complain /
when my mood / dark / low
kicks in / i don't/ do notice


i'm wait ing for snow
there is no thing else



a pervasive tired ness / i suppose
blurred / thot / circles / i'm think ing
in circles / un til my brain is raw



& i'm letting my head / bleed
for jesus / cause jesus fuck
it's gotta bleed for some one

& my eyes burn / a gain / &
a gain / this day is too much
& i am full of apathy & anger

loath ing /


& the mountains fold in / on me
this nite / dark / static











barren / the garden sleeps now /
the bloom is gone / slow rot of winter
be gins / & i am not invited / wish not
to be wit ness / to that which is dying


but i know it's there / all pervasive
comes in the form of winter / comes in
form of white phosphorous / fall ing
ah / the flames were shoot ing / up
a cross /

& shame full lee / i be moan this cold















see thru / to the other / side / my reality
tunnel / requires a few ghosts / you see
i don't see any thing @ all / / it's a feel ing
@ best /


some thing a bout / mass death / mass fear

& oh / don't for get the sad ness / this is not
my / sad ness / this is not my fear / / so why
do i feel it


earth full of genicide / & fools

sentenced to kill / each other
because / really / who gives a fuck /
violent crime / whats that / there is no
good reason to live / there is no good reason
to die / / & the violence / the fear widens
encompasses / all


but st.ill / my sad ness is no thing
compared to torture with drills
& beat ings / /


no / my sad ness com pares not













& i am safe / this side of mid nite /
no thing falls from the sky / no bombs
not even snow

the wind / bare lee blows / yes safe
under a lay er of clouds / /





/

not / good enough / glass in my ass / fuck conservatism /

needles of the dry est sort


& this garden holds sad ness / season finish ed
the bloom is gone / the bloom is gone

my child cries a million tears for his miss ing father
grief consumes / consumates / this is
thursday / friday /

i look for a metaphor in fall leaves
oregon grape / spiney / prick my fingers leaves
shiny green / turn vibrant red / rot / crimson decay

i pick a pile of thorny autumn colours
9 of them / stuff them in an empty cigarette pack
they poke holes in my thumbs / rip the

skin on my hands / / some how
the leaves remind me of
love

& some thing snaps in the brain / / a signal / / words to go
back / wards / back
don't tell
mary wouldn't tell / instead / she'd ask god what to do /
you know / & god / good god / he'd say
you haven't done any thing wrong
now get down on / your knees

& oh / you are not god

on the lawn a patch of shaggy manes / mush rooms
crush ed by small boy feet / jump up up up
& down / flatten ed /
mush rooms turn to ink / black sludge
skid across the lawn / / heavy morning dew doesn't help

& that wet morning sun / october. say it again / october
& that wet morning sun / strays weak through pine branches
so pale / & the lawn sits / heavy / wet / green

blades of grass begin to yellow / yey yo / amarillo /
air flush with orange / it all becomes / mountains a fusion
deciduous / coniferous / even the pines & cedars /
drop autumn needles of the dry est sort


bundled in string

after days of static freezing
dull quick / snap snap / enough
to break branches / it warms

catalyst / one heavy snow fall
turned to rain

sudden lee / earth is alive with thaw
4 degrees C is enough to shrink snow banks
create slush / mush & other good ness

steady drip from the roof / over flows
eves troughs / melted winter seeps down
through the snow & in to the ground

today orange breasted finches twist & turn
flit over the yard / land on thin twiggy branches
of mountain ash
the tree st.ill heavy with red berries

even a few fat black flies / sluggish from winter
venture out in to the spring like air
they land stupidly on the snow / certain death

ah but for a breath of warm air
one can almost smell fresh earth &
feel the tremble of flowers waiting to burst

taste spring sweet sweet spring

& damp closes in / fog / clouds too close
to the mountain / a different chill
from sub zero / clings to clothing / dampens
ear drums /

on the back porch / 7 chakra bells chime in time
with the whim of the wind / each tone distinct / clear

each tone / high / melodic /
merge / to gether / harmony of weather




these are clouds

& see / this day is gone now
taken by night / covered in clouds

fog creeps / slick with rain
black road be comes / shine of danger
go slow / can't see the sides / the end
the corner / of the road
night / deceiver of eyes / plays tricks

yes tricker ee / watch for ghosts
on the side of the high way

you see / this body twists pain
un control able / twitch / tight en of the back
shoulders / high & taut / ribs knot ed
mind manifests / tests / what strength lacks

/ / immaculate perception / /

so the rain stops / but clouds remain
ever present / whisps of white moisture meld

a gainst mountains / & lay low a cross
valleys / clouds change the land scape

to dream scape / if one can get past the chill
colour be comes staple / reds blast out pinks

mauve strays next to the greens / trees black en
& every where / yellow turns bright est yellow /

& i'm wonder ing / the sun the sun
where is the fuck ing sun?

it strays / waits / patient / who cares
it's shin ing some where / just not here

sky is all ways blue above the clouds




my own offer ing / blood for me / / where were you / when you were / where you were

& funny how / / when the blood sets in / /
the mind / stops / sinks back / &
certain lee / my thots / are all there

lock ed down / a bit of intro spection /

& i am feel ing odd / a gain / cold a gain
try ing to figure / out / out / i'm sure
there was a path / here /

over there / / & it's quiet in the house
rock built / sleep deep / little heads
sweaty bodies / grow / grow / in to
the nite / & how i wonder / children


lock ed in dreams / un conscious /
& night be comes / black / moon slenders
ah / last quarter / & on our street / shadows
take over / eyes dim / / steady crunch


crack of leaves fall ing / dry yellow / first
casualties of a new season

& i'm think ing / i'm going to start plant ing
shoes / fill the garden with old sneak ers /
worn out winter boots / broken sandals
certain lee / the children won't miss them

see / the blood does that to my mother mind
stretch es / truth / blinds the eye / ah / follow
the body / tick toc / mind crazy / thinks /
well / isn't that strange / constant lee wonder ing
where i've got ten to

to day it was the garden / just a short circle / one turn about /
tomatoes / ah / beans / st.ill / strawberries / ah / ever bear ing
one to relate to / in the back garden / one stubborn canterbury bell
refuses to lose / the bloom / / all i can say is / thank goddess
the sun flowers are so damn happy / & yellow /

tall tall / i'm trying to reach the sun / see how it falls
so close to the mountain now/ see how south it moves

@ nite / i only stare @ the north sky / take comfort
in my dipper / watch / amazed / by 5 am / it stands
complete lee on its handle / balanced on elephant mountain

& i want to imagine / it's the sky moving past me / not
me / moving past the sky / & oh / i could move heaven
for you / see those stars over there / /

those are all for me / /

three november nites - verismo in b flat

this moon stays large for a very long time
long enough to cool the earth / frost heaves

all things dead in the garden / crunch under boot

snow is odd this year - it comes & goes /

sun fell behind the mountain @ 11:57 am
the day now a shadow of the mountain
cold blue

cuts through clothing straight to skin
ice i tell you it's ice
time to cover all bare patches / you got a hat
you should really wear a hat / /

two november nites / pianissimo in oh's

end of november shows up
cold blue bitter

& it falls / worried
dry snow / a million million flakes
of frozen time /

this earth never stops spinning

stop / stopped / stepped down /

i wish to dis em bark now / this ride's too fast for me

street light wears a white orange
halo / eyes burn / a glow / is this a sign

every thing holy crosses
a long the centre of my gravity

/ the bit between ribs & hips /

i wear this autumn sash low
to cover the scars / /

talk about perpetual motion
& honest tea / a shot of scotch
to loosen the soul /


daisies in my eyes
yellow centres / white petals
i'm blind ed by flowers


turn the music up side down
& follow notes a cross /
the page / clef be comes treble clef
strange lee / notation be comes
a beautiful

sound / yes / it skips in to my mouth /
down the back of my throat /
not / salt / but i do not / care /

b flat is the note of my soul





/

.the prayer of jensus.

jensus lost faith in the flock

the community of faith less

jensus kryst she mutters over & over again

blessed mother holds her hands up in pray er

pray er for the non-believer

pray er of the god less

church of the universe

bless ed is the smoke of nirvana

bless ed are we of the clean air

smells green in these mountains

bless ed are we of the yellow days & crimson leaves

not / ever / know ing / some thing like that

& so / it is late nite a gain /
hour of my / be witch ing

i love mid nite / & how it turns my belly
this way / that /way / /

it's the rest less / i can't stand /
feel ing in the back of my neck / a long arms
it's me / running / with my eyes closed



so i wait / patient / not so / patient &
one should be / what with the passage of time
all ways / fly ing / god damn it goes fast

be cause you see / things come to those
& i'm wait ing / not so patient lee

see / cause i'm think ing / one day time will happen
not this / constant distraction / of wait ing for the drugs to

ha / no thing ever kicks in /

& see / body craves / a wild / some thing





just doesn't know what /



/

that / i must accept /

---

fresh skiff of snow / reflects bright
blue moon nite / air smells different lee now

reminds me of you / taste of your mouth
wet / taken / not given / yes / this nite
reminds me of you / & how we haven't spoke
in what feels like / it was a life time / it was
a year

& it's funny / strange like / how a person
enters & leaves / lives / minds / souls

i have one of those you know / a soul of sorts
it's aching right now / ask ing all the wrong
questions /
i'm sure they were the right ones //

so i took / the hottest bath i could stand
soak ed un til / i could rub the skin off my feet
the steam / choked me / i cough ed my guts out
my lungs / my lungs / so hard to breathe / & this
cold / settles deep / thick mucus / /

so i smoke thru it / / oh yes / i try to reduce
& i do / substantially / but st.ill / not enough

what is this death wish


& yester day fell in love with some one else /
& yester day / the sun fell be hind
clouds / left me for winter / & i am surround ed
all a lone / common complaint / ah ail ment of
the dis content / i've sat @ home for too long now
hiding / from / jesus knows what /

& the strangest thing is how i go down town
for breakfast with friends / & how /

you / i /

i all ways see you / & i am gazing in to space
try ing to form auras around people / & i'm think ing
my skin / so white / from sick ness / i am death / &
am i surround ed by white / dress ed in black

& i'm try ing hard to see the wings on a lady
walk ing past me / & i look @ / him / a
stranger / moves to ward me on the street & i am
look ing / in to his eyes / hard / stare hard

& he be comes you / & i have no words / i am
death warm ed over / in a hurry / to be a way
from this down town / scatter of a tues morn

i drink mint tea / lick up the remains of cheese cake
fold laundry / smoke cigarettes

eat ing cook ies for jesus / gin / bea / oh steve
where did you go / & i've got to stop fall ing in
love with my self / / ego / / i think i have to kill
you / / & with that / i shut my eyes / /

& think / /


i've fail ed / / doom ed to name less medocrity

i didn't even grow wings / doesn't meet ing jesus
count for any thing / & i suppose it doesn't
perhaps / i wasn't meant to / fly / /


i stand naked / in front of the mirror / push my breasts
up / try to make / what a man likes to see / / i'm think ing

tape / i could tape my small breasts up / & pretend
i'm not pamela a / / & wonder how she does it / & see
it's not fair / how the ones with out brains / /

ah / this is my lesson / & i can't let go of /
it's not fair / & i whine my self in to / my own pit
of / des pair


it's a terrible place to write from / / but i do it any ways

these days / i hide from blogger / live in infinite fear
big g / will read my work / so i hide /

jack hides from republican bitch es / i hide
from my husband / be cause i wish to pretend /
make things up / & he just wouldn't under / over
stand / / & i am hiding from anon too / fuck i hate
that prick / al tho / i'm certain / i was a much better
writer once




& the cook ie / kicks in / /



& sudden lee / or may be not so

i think of my bed / & how the house
it lit by a crazy moon to nite / & i am

feel ing rest less / caged a gain
prison er of blood / ill .ness

lungs that won't breathe


& yes / these words are confessional

i'm wait ing to measure up / going down
in a blur / of lost in side / my mind / a gain

for getting to talk / for getting to answer
i go places / & they / children/ him / snap
their fingers / call my name / call me back


strange thing is / i don't know where i go
lost in gaze out side the window / eye ing
up the compost box @ the back of the yard
& a couple crows / sitting up high / bare trees
dead garden / skiff of snow




& if i could only make the words move a cross
the page / if only i could speak in tongues

my tongue told you once / diamonds on the snow
can kill a man / freeze hearts / / i never re cover ed














november brings / lowt of wynter

& the nite be comes / is / oh these
long nites / bitter / & even the smell
of damp is gone / frozen in to the ground
until spring / / this garden is gone







& so my grow ing frustration
lays in my lack of persuation

to convince my self / to convince my self
it's not the way it should be / it's just the way
that it is / /





/

all / the wrong places / pure hate / slight lee diluted

just stuff /

---

oh / to dream in colour

& i come in here / hide in stead
why not / it feels safe enough

to vent a bit / let it out / & how
i'm freak ing out /no not freak ing out
but there is some thing / my paranoid
mind can not put it's perverbial finger on


i think i might be fall ing in love with my
husband a gain / such a strange thing



these days / this week / last week
i wait for health to come / back
chest pain / i make my self sick
with smoke / & cold air in my lungs

& i wonder why / even tho i feel
this shitty / why i can't put out
the smoke / fuck ing smoke
i hate it too


hate full to day

cranky / bleed ing / all ways bleed ing
& every one / every where i go / seems
so / crzy / or weird / or some thing /
jesus fuck knows whats wrong with the
freaks & the geeks who roam the streets

ah / welcome to pleasant ville
population / 10 000 /



i don't even have the heart to slag the hippies
to night / / but i hate these dirty street hang ing
dope deal ing / thieves of the nite / / you see
they make 'it' all so obvious / / 'it' be ing
the crucial word

where once / mellow people / keep ing it cool
not too hard core / / but things change / times
change / lower east side comes to pleasant ville
this is cocaine for children / this is e for you
& this vitamin k / well / he ain't shar'en none of
that / / yeah the crazies are out / /

some thing about trees baring their bones
for all the world to see / / & the earth strips
down for winter / /

& see / they talk like crzy is / he says / i'm
see ing auras now on people / / lots of black
auras in this town / but some grey / / a few white
but they are not really auras / they are more like
wings / angels wings / i think i'm losing it

& i think / why are you wasting my fuck ing time
with this idiotic bull shit / / yeah as a matter of
fact / you are losing it / /

& every week i meet jesus in nelson / every week
there is a prophet / a revelation / & a story about
the dark ones / / & who am i / to argue with hey zeus



who am i / to argue / & the world seems hesitant
around me to day / these days / drivers who don't go
children cross ing the street in all the wrong places








/

tales of the / tall est sort / sun stories

& i suppose / it is better to live once

even for a moment / taste this damp air
let it be a live on my tongue / let night
fall be tween my teeth / & there is all ways

to morrow / shock ed the days pass so quick lee

& i remember days last ed for ever / /

now i find pictures of the children / not children
any more / / now i find sad ness / i wonder if i held
my babies enough / & how my old est child / tall as me
will not be carried in my arms a gain








so i dream of spring / with tired eyes open


& so many strange things / meet ings / un planned
people disappear / re appear / can't control the spin
of the / sky / i've lost the dipper / haven't seen it in
nites / can't control / the way earth shifts / complete lee
out of habit / she can't help her self /

with this many spins under her belt / auto pilot
& there is n't a damn thing / i can do a bout it

makes me crzy / & some how / i've managed
to hitch a ride / to what extent / / i'll keep hold ing
on tight / i like to imagine my hair / fly ing out be hind me
my nails dug in to the soil / hold ing on for / dear life

dear dear / sweet life


/

ah / my bliss

it's like

i dont know what poetry is any more

certain lee no thing i write / /

i'm ask ed the other day / are you a poet
i mean /do you write poems / actual poems
i mean / i know you write prose / but cant
you write rhyme ing poet tree /

no / all i can do / is / slash / slash / slash

i'm told / your writing sucks / / i'm told
i decide

apathy / a give a fuck attitude / /

& i claim these words as / my own






& the weather drops to
november dull / st.ill / birds chirp
anxious to colour the day / some thing
any thing / all that's left are the mountain ash
glee full / clusters of red hang from bare branch es

ridge of elephant mountain / now white snow
face of elephant mountain / milk blue / could swear
i see ever green / lost


& my legs ache / my muscles a twitch with
wry pain / one which loves to / love me

& why does the tree grow so crook ed / so paper
white /


see / life hasn't been the same since
nirvana walk ed thru this door of ethereal bliss
it was bliss / wasn't it / the clean air you said
the mountains you raved / all this fuck ing water




all this fuck ing dark ness / & yeah / i walk thru the valley of
all this fuck ing dark ness / & i'm wonder ing / where is light







& black blood creeps from body / drains
in to
i have no dreams / ah / it's a revelation
to wake & not remember / not remember a
god damn thing / /

& no thing comes back / no faces / lost names
oh / for get me not / how harsh words can be

& may be i should / just for get how to write them
for get how to say



you see / this is an exercise in futile

what did you think it was going to be

i thot / if i let my head bleed / my body
flow / well / i thot i would feel better

& did you

for a while / it ebbs / flows / there's
that word a gain / blood flows / i've seen
it pour / body is a crzy place

so what does that have to do with / well
you know /

no / i don't know / i don't have a fuck ing clue

with writing / fuck / how could you for get that

hey / i for get a lot of things / like / what i did
last week / & what did you say your name was a gain

hey / don't get personal / i prefer to remain name less

but whats the point of be ing name less / how will i know
who you are

you know who i am / you've all ways known

this is start ing to sound like episode 3

that was good wasn't it / i mean / episode 3

yes it was / excellent special effects / big noises
i guess i could just watch movies / in stead / fill
my mind with holly wood / stop this other bull shit

now there's an idea / you know / there's a lot of good
movies out these / begging to be watch ed /

problem is / i won't remember any of them / see i think
to really appreciate a good movie / it should be seen a couple
of times / plays & books are like that too /

so / your point be ing

there is no point / it's all point less / futile / i give up

no / don't do that / you're just tired / that's all

certain lee / it is a low point / you know / body crash es
mind soon follow's / what's to write a bout when i'm
consumed

true true / people get sick & tired / of sick & tired
try to write some thing happy / may be it'll get you over
the slump

slump / thanx

well / what ever it is / / you can't go on like this
it turns you in to a bucket of nerves

geezuz fuck / what a terrible image / i really should
stop writing









/

we of the for got ten / who cares any ways

& so / it is an

air of rest less /

tiny words / with no
mean ing / mean ing ?

well / i have no idea / seems i've slipped a way
a gain / seems i've got no thing to share / no thing

to say / /

ill ness folds / in on me

head thick with cold

sore body

a brain / that won't / can't / think

& i'm think ing / this is me ?

i don't like it / not one bit /

& i want to start over a gain / go back to 15
go back to 14 / start over / do other things



but / it's not / that /
there is no easy / only struggle




& i say / give me 2 million years /
i wish to circle the sun / end / less
i wish to be / for ever

& the doctor says / god won't let you die yet
& it's those kind of comments i can't stand
yet he says it with such a kind voice / good
heart / i think / this doctor /

& he gives me some thing / to take a way the pain

& it does / in a way / ah i'm the punish er /
with a masochistic tendency to ward
comforts / dis comforts / & the ill ness
trickles in to the lungs / ah / so hard to breathe


air so cold now / zero degrees / rain / snow
mountains / us / we are covered / in the morn ings
by after noon / it melts / only a reminder / don't
for get what side of the sun you're on /

winter side / for northern er's /

come & go / day disappears / invisible season

i keep wait ing
for the words to come

& they do // cold autumn words

& to day / ice is in the air / wind
of the norther lee type / complete
with cloud / & the constant / crackle
crunch of leaves fall ing / /

they sound like foot steps

mountains are blue a gain /
ground is yellow / once more

this is time of dying / when
the other world / seems so much
closer / @ hand / in my hand

& some times i feel like i can touch
i can see // that // not quite / tangible

it's these dark nites / you see
when the lowt of winter approach es
& all those in the way / had better hang on
pull tight / fold in to / each other





/& the pull of the universe is strong
this loop / never end ing ride a bout
the sun / / can't control the seasons

hold on / roses don't mind cold
ah / bloom is on the vine / & one last
holly hock / vibrant pink / black en ed
leaves / fall mildew / black rot /

i've seen it in the cemetary / head stones
trees / cover ed / / this is the way of death







/

more / in other places / secrets kept

ah


late nite / a gain /
seems like / every day ends
late / & there is comfort
in sleep ing heads / breath in
out / /


& i am on
a clean ing frenzy / of a house
left in the care of children /

ah washer dry runs for 2 days
straight / & i'm wonder ing if i'll
start buy ing lily of the valley fabric soften er
the next time i run out /

& i've decided / i like the comforts of
/ yes / this life is certain lee worth living


yet / some thing else beckons / & i'm hoping
hope like hell
time / doesn't go running / get get / going
a long time left / /



& who knows what these words really mean
a muddle of



can't say what's really on my mind


i've been think ing about pirates
& out laws / / i've been think ing about
vigilante's / & wonder ing where i fall in




& would you wear lace for me












& a door opens / slams shut / soon
he walks in / soon /


********




& that nite refuses to be post ed / last nite
be comes this nite / & wait for the door
wait for the interruption of thot / wait

what jack said //

thoughts on //

---

in a comment to something on scott's blog finch said something like 'i can't stand all the pain'. that's what the // does//it fractures all the//pain is distanced//removal of conventional order that led to all the pain to start with; the stuff like: and also, and. the function of the -- in emily d's poetry is similar... also all the -- in mallarme's box of slips of paper called by the translator 'tomb for anatole.' go look at the poem on her blog. the title word at the top is something like 'be inn gn' -- that effect also is interesting -- the word hidden and two words or more possible from the cloudiness of one. not enough people read her blog but not enough people read any blog. the reader si the appreciator. the appreciator is the comforter. the comforter is the one who is nature. nature is the silence around us, the warm ground. finch bitches about the people won't come read her. the warm earth supports her. she's comforted by nature whether she knows it or not. i don't feel like i need to go read the actual poem on her blog to be the pine tree which is what her poem also is anyway. if i wanted to go read keats i could read thich. if i want a dose of jesus, i can read whitman. one is in the other. all is anonymous. but let's face it, i have stolen a lot of the ///and the //inginn be/// here's to finch, you're a sweet person and a lovely inventor. i wish i could visit nelson and sip a cup of tea. goodnite !




/

on be ing gin

ah / so what is there to think about
on this late nite / when the brain / head
give me my head / is so full all ready / it
can't bite another drop / /

let it bleed out / blood letting / oh this crzy
rag i bind it up with / / yes / let the blood
begin




& a gain / the weather socks in
thick cloud / wet / water drips
end less rain / & oh / i tie my self
in for another 7 months of cold

yes/ let the layers be gin / be jenn
long black coat / margaret calls me

the black seal / / & who am i to argue

i must be some thing /

& to day / i feel need ed / want ed
& to day / there is not enough of
me

well spent / i suppose /

ah / mother / to children /

mother to the cast / &

this is my call ing ?







i think / i'd rather be watch ing clouds
planning my escape / lavish i think / yes
make the escape lavish / / & head drifts off
heavy a gain /



& funny things happen when the moon shifts
men be come deter mined / women let go
& some where / in be tween / lust sets in

& oh / so hard to get out of my mind


well / what were you think ing /

streets are shiny a gain

treat them with kind ness

some / drift / off / they come back tho

damp nite consumes us / as we set off
in different directions

yes some come back a gain




/

where i get too / this time of nite / /

& this day has no
end ing / / it be comes nite
in stead / which is all right with me

this nite should be end ing / if it
wasn't for the moon / & how the clouds
be come a live with blue lite / funny how
they glow / illumination / bright
the ground be low / ah / i see every thing
in blue shadows



she calls every one / dear

these are the children / & how a mother
loves her children / / care must be shown
love / affirmation / strong hand to guide /
these are / mother things


& this is the way my mind goes / miss ing mother

& how are the children coping since you went away

gone gone gone gone gone gone / gone / going

no / never went / never / left @ all /

& yes / these are / strange thots of a mother

but / i want to know / how does one run from love


such a strange question / that /

@ nite i stand out side on the back deck / smoking
from a cross the field / i hear / sounds of making love
small moans / a woman's oohs / / & it sounds / sounds
warm / practical / the right thing to do / on an october nite

& i wonder / how you touch me




& if only i could shut of the ring ing in my ears /
what is / absolute / quiet / / & i'm think ing
i don't really like the answer to that question

some thing i think about / should n't think about

& you know / some day you can sleep for ever / sleep to ashes
ashes to sleep /

& i think about / birthing children / to live / & how we give life
to things which must die // not sure what the point is / / /

& really the only thing with any permanence
is this rock / i hold in my hand / & i wonder how many billions it's seen
& couldn't i be the rock / a rock / this round rock i hold in my hand

i've been here for ever //




ps lorna dee / if you are read ing / thanx for postie :)
i left a note in your journal but don't know if you got it
~jx








/

i told you the season shifted / see / i told you so

& see / long hours
take tolls / ah mightee price
of the day / eyes blur &

it's a case of / damned / all ways

& why is it / things don't come fast enough
things come too fast


& this late nite /hard to get
children to bed /


& i'm wonder ing a bout
revenge / & struggle
& how love can be taken
personal lee /

all the wrong ways


It is so much
about silence.
How you slowly
do mine. ~eden

& i'm /
search ing for the silence


search for silence

& even tho clouds cover
/ the moon
oh silly moon / st.ill / brights the sky
plays blue / under thick coat of nite


& i'm all ready wonder ing / what my legs look like
& should i really grow a beard when i hit menopause

you see / sun slips farther / far a way from me now
& it's those strands of sun lite i can't hang on to
too thin to grasp / / even my mind plays tricks


& thus / begins / what is this shadow between the verge
& my morn ing / & when did dawn cusp in to nite / cause
i'm try ing to keep that one straight / in my head

* & you know / i've been dying to write about
the garden is dying / & every where sun flowers
on long legs / bent stalks / look about /peer / see
some thing in the garden / i'm not / & those big round
eyes / i'm sure they must be tell ing me some thing

like / watch out for fall ing leaves / & oh how the wind
picks up leaves / absolute lee sworls / swirls them /
/ it's a drunken wind / out of control with yellows &
dry crunch / / the sky is fall ing / / & i wonder if i should
/ remind every one / if @ least one person might
listen /




/

ah / irony / perhaps / a joke on me

some times /

it's not enough

not being / present


& so i am wander / lost a gain
pull ed / this way / that / way

& i find my self in the theatre
submerged in a lavish local production
an experience to be sure / so time runs
out / late / in bed / early for a change

this week the show goes up / & it is / to
say the least / very exciting / / most lee
what i've been doing is being on book

helping the actors remember their lines

i've complete lee de constructed the script
& enjoyed every moment of it / it's been a
brilliant learn ing experience / & give me
thot as too the next thing i want to write

it's also made me realize what i can get
away with as a writer of plays / / (i'm hoping)
well / it is one big learn ing experience isn't it

i've decided / i want to write & direct plays
i think / i could be good @ it / / perhaps
all in good time / /

the strange thing is / realizing / i have
large portions of the script memorized
so maybe / my mind isn't as shot as i thot it was





/

& fool ish / i take my mind to other places

it's the 'busy' i find so interest ing


busy / doingwhat ? ///

a mystery i can't solve


to day / final lee over
ah / this day of turkey bird / this day
of / 16 people @ dinner / + after dinner guests













collapse in to


nothing / no thing @ all



collapse in to



the leaves are fall ing / now autumn
a constant crackle of / poplar / first
to dry / ugly brown rot / fall to the ground
sound like / foot steps / noise to startle

out side / eyes adjust / slow lee to mid nite
@ first / i'm blind ed / by dark ness /
but after a while / i can see the garden
below / ah / shadows / st.ill / i can't
quite see / in to the black of forest

i am surround ed / eternal lee / by this
deep forest / end less / trees / & the
things / ah / which live there / / &

the heavy crunch indicates / bear?

who knows @ this time of nite / mind
runs wild / all ways / & i'm st.ill think ing
anger / i'm st.ill think ing / it'll pass / soon
like clouds / it'll pass / /


& i am shaking / temperature drops
all ways / dress ed for the weather
sweaters / hats / my winter coat to
stand out side / to sit & write in /
& the vibration / tight ens / a cross
chest / back / the parts of my legs
that won't be rest ed / the parts resist
can't be soothed / ah / constant knot









& some thing about / so hard to find a moment

& some thing about / colours of maple / how
one tree can be yellow / green / pink /& red
all @ the same time / fusion / flush / / it sits
a gainst my teeth / my eyes taste / perfect
colour of / this side of the sun / / when morn ing
drips heavy / wet / some how / it brightens
an amplification of / does it get any bright er / &

consider this / then / how yellow spreads a cross
the land scape / & how the spoil sets in / & how
the ground / oh holy soil / take me back / & black
mildew sets in / let me break you down / i'll break
you / / come / enter me / back in to my mouth


garden collapses / /
st.ill / / yes the earth prepares for / st.ill





a gain / i get too far a head of even / my self

all ready in november / scream ing / december
the lowt of wyter is up on us / tuck in / tuck in

this is the way of seasons / & how earth moves thru
the sky / eternal lee tipped / & really / why blame
the sun / when real lee / gaia is too blame /


& i wonder / was i all ways this cold in october





/

fall ing / up

ah / & eye be comes
a difficult place / tired / torn

oh yes / this silly life / & i am making
plans for

i am dream ing of

wish wish wish ing / / / futile
when there is no question / no answer


& i'm lost in it again / this feel ing / oh i feel it
right here / & body resists a kind / move / & what
is this labour of breath / & when can i stop this
& certain lee / i'm speed ing / going fast /

process / i'm talk ing about/ process /

that's where i'm fall ing / fail ing / flail ing / washed away with the rain

yester day / / lost in a
room of dreams / ah / faint nite mare
of the fair est sort




& i am lost be hind a blind eye
& a sea of / it was blue / i'm so
sure it was / blue guilt / of /
i won't go there a gain / /

& so pay ment comes in the form
of / this wheel i ride on / karmic
pain / / /


& so the rains / come a gain
fat rain / cold / bring on the autumn
rain / / this is leaves turn ing red
these are / gold en days / & how do
i describe / pink of garden / how every thing
all those leaves / / spring a long way from now
in either direction



no thing loud to proclaim

all tho / i think i'm dying
but don't tell any one

each breath closer to
the last breath closer

& what is the intensity of this pain


The happiness of the drop is to die in the river;
When pain exceeds the limits; the pain itself becomes medicine.

~ Mirza Ghalib



& so / must i be come / my own medicine

my own question / / my own answer




i think about it / @ dusk / early now
dark by 7 / & when the blue of 630
is thinning / pale a cross mountain tops
i try to remember march / when one
nite the sky pales blue / st.ill / /
sudden lee / air smells different /
a lark / a memory / chicken congee
& heroin / / some thing about letting
the air / next to my arms / hairs brindle
up ward / to ward / / ah


but this is not the time of / march on
i say / march on / spring is not here
not on this side of the sun / / spring
waits some where else / a place in
space /over there / current lee empty
spring waits / / / you see

this is the time / of / fold ing / i want
want to / to fold in to you /& if i was blind ed
would you be tray / / i dream back aches
lungs that wont breathe / i dream / black holes
& empty



i can't remember now





to nite / cloud sucks up / closes / i swear
it's closing in / holds tight to the mountains
i swear / it never changes / water / all ways
water / & the constant noise / of / i can't hear
you / the trees are rain ing / streams & rivlets





this is lightening bolts / of the body type

this is alcohol & stress / a lack of care

just where / did the wonder ment go

& to day is tender / this day of / nothing to say

speak only kind ness / a voice not raised

this is / some thing snapped in the brain

not sure / what's repair able / what can be used

a gain / /



this is / the worst sort / of mother













& tho i walk thru the valley of / i'm a bad example
& tho i walk thru the valley of / have you no compunction
remorse /


ah / but i am dy ing of shame
or some similar malady / /

it's not only the body that aches
spiked bone / spasmed muscle
these are the things which speak to me
shout over mind / over reason /

head be comes / / an other place
refuge of mind / prisoner of thot

ah / give me sanctuary / white lite
let this body fall down ward /
@ some point / some thing has to give
& i wonder how far i'll make it






see / these are / results of bad choices / poor timing
a general dis regard for be ing / mortal

belly fills with a halo of sting / broken / tender

& i dare you / touch me there / where my core is
lay your hand up on my stomach / tell me

what do you feel


& i say / i feel the empty / burnt core

nucleus of heart / centre of soul

betray al of gut / / & the hand begins

to shake / just to emphasis a point

total body vibration / sick feel ing













& i think i'll stare at the fog some more / try to
make sense out of stars that can't be seen /
see / if i can touch a cloud / if i just reach out



& last nite / i stand in the 230 nite / no sound
not even my breath / / & i hear the screams
coming up the valley / blood curdling / scream ing
for help / & i'll be damn it i know where it's come ing from
just some where down / be low / / & i wonder if some one
else can hear it / her / the screams of her / yelling help
& grisley screams / can the whole town hear / they must
be able to hear / / & then / silence /


i never call the cops any more / / /


it be comes a dream / an other one / / all things
which can't be remember ed / /





/

if i had / this is what i would say /

& see / do these be come words


worth hiding



shall i / would i / tuck them
a way / deep / recesses of / what?

ah / not for your eyes / not for mine
yet the words / be come
are


insistant

light goes / oh it's always doing that
on / off / on again / it all ways rings

oh true / you say / yes / true







& i am fold ing laundry /

for jesus / once a gain
ah / the call ing / call ed

& the washer goes on full / christ

house is shaking / & is it any wonder
the whole damn thing doesn't just collapse



like the mind

is it any god damn wonder / / & wonder i do



the exchange is all ways fleet ing / here
& then gone / but i'm certain / thot is
all ways there / /




& it's an other one of those / late nite ramble
doesn't mean a thing

heart refuses to let / ah safe ty / some things just
can't be told / / but let's just say / i'm wait ing

& the dry er re mains on hyper / final lee / clunk
whole thing just

stops / / & i'm content to listen to / ah / hum
click / clothes roll / up in the dry er / / metal buttons
bang out / un rhythm


& i'm try ing to be / uh what's that word /

good / keep up on meals / supper for every one
good / keep up on fold ing / ah / fresh clothes
fold ed / ah tidy / / in the mean while / some rooms
official lee de clared / lego disaster / oiy / the pain
in my foot / mad lee / i sweep / build ing blocks in to
the corner / sweep paths / toss laundry in to piles / oh
so many piles / /

& i pray to morrow my house keep er to clean / / honest lee
i can't keep up / / just walk thru it / /


& see / there is a tender ness / an / all right ness
night lee / we sleep / toss / walk the house / share
a space of dreams / if only i could remember /

this is a time to move for ward / time to remember
those we love / hold true to that thot / time will tell
who loves who / / for now / / in visible / ah love
a cross / vista / verge / what is this cloud / i stand u pon













& i wish to waste in to / heat / yours /
it's the weight of you on / a gainst my back
/gone /breath / all sensiblity / you told me
once / you had to be in love / to be in love
happy makes happy / / then its okay / to
be next / / to you


& i'm think ing / en twine / wrap me up
just once / i could for give you for that
/ simple trans gress ion / like a hand against
a throat / a spoke / thin thread of / anger / / only / /

tender / how love should be / / if it could be / /
& i could be / yes / i am / content for love to come
when it does / for when he does / spine all ways

arch / up /

waist trembles

ah / pleasant /

pool against me / let the drown ing be gin




perhaps love will / kill

time /


like no thing be fore it / /













/

sunmorn

 




by m. burkett 

venus in furs

by M Burkett 

i'm so fuck ing hip / yeah /

The Subtle Hipster sweet jesus. you're 84% hipster.

You're pretty hip, but not in a ridiculously over-the-top kind of way. In fact, you probably look like a regular person generally and almost blend in with the masses, but you wear a few subtle signifiers of your hipness. In fact, hipsters probably don't realize how hip you are until you get into conversations about music, movies, and politics. You're at a healthy level of hipness. Rock on. Don't try too hard.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 66% on hippoints

Link: The Are you a Hipster Test written by honeysuckle17 on OkCupid Free Online Dating

all ways / more / questions with no / end ings /

i am tired of this day


ups & downs too plenty full
to mention / & i wonder
what's going on in the sky /& why
on this particular day / so much
from so many / & why all this / crazy ness
re volves / comes back to me


my friends are having melt downs
minds leave bodies / tears roll down
faces /

schizophrenia haunts one friend / 3 thousand miles away
what can i do?

another / depressed & angry / thinks i plotted against him

another / in tears / angry / her son broke in to our house
yester day & ripped us off / /

yet another / phone call reveals a friend who is drawing
a correlation between art i commissioned & former abuse
can't finish / / / let it go i say / never mind / i say




& then there is my child / /










& i wish to be en light en ed / lift this load
it's too heavy this day / of tues day / wed nes day
day slips to night / clock turns just a bit more

& to night we are locked up tight / windows
doors / / so tight / i hold it / in my body
& i'm think ing / / i can't take this any more
want to / yes i think / i'm going to



run a way / from this day / from this
moment in time /






ah / wish for solitude / head pounds
no no / you shant / cant / uh uh / not
for / you / / let this be your peace


& my ears ring just a bit loud er
& he says / come to bed / come
watch tv / & i don't move /






frozen in so many ways /


& i am /st.ill blood let ing /


ah yes / let the crazies drain away

my sin my sin my sin / turn this body
off / shut down / this mind / /


& i'm convinced / it's some thing i've done
the karmic wheel / be ing / what goes
round / /







dave says / let it go / /
so hard to do that some times

a day of anger / of betray al
nervous / hand shaking / belly
turn / let it go




& i am rattled / i wish a / vow of silence
keep the screams / contain ed / in side


& i wonder / if i didn't talk for 40 days
would i lose my voice / & what degree of
anger / does it take /










& i think about / spiral ing / & @ what point
do fractals & paisleys be come danger ous



& just where do lost souls / get to /
i want to know / where light starts









& i / crave / a gain / alcohol
craving / some thing to shut down
ever yt hing // i am not / wisdom




















/

almost a year later / st.ill crazy / so can you

This from An Octopus' Garden

1. Go to your archives.
2. Pull up the 23rd post (or its equivalent).
3. Copy the fifth sentence (or its equivalent)
4. Post the fifth sentence, along with these instructions on your blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



winter / autumn / both distinct




from:

oct 18 / 2004 blog entry (sheesh / some things never change)

so / can you


so life carries forward
enough of this silliness


today snow covers the mountains
a line half way down
winter / autumn / both distinct

white grey cold / yellow glow / gold
shift between seasons

what words are left to say

today / finally / boots
in rebellion she wears her sandles
sock less / until yester day/ when the
mountain linger ed creak ed
damn it's getting cold

/ now for the eternal tuck ing in
good bye feet / see you in the spring

& so you see / this is the way of seasons
they all ways change / sensible / really
what with the earth spinning



& so see you / this is the way of seasons
always spinning / sense less / around the sun
axis / did i hear any one mention / & we're off
for an other cold / hate this time of year
fear & bitter / wrapped in dark ness
winter freezes her voice / she engages
dark trap of seasonal / what is this

distress.


yeah it's fucking distress ing / stress
@ 6 pm driving / drives / all ways drive ing
in search of maggots / it's true / girl child
with a penchance for animals / / mother relents on the frog
frogs (2) / you promised / /

2 fire belly toads
well / until one disappeared / in to the house /
some where / if some one took it
no one is tell ing / / so one frog disappears

a few days later
another one / the local flavor / tree frog / finds it's self
in the house / found /


this is the way of things which come & go


one thing leaves your life
some thing else comes in

end less circle of
did you know it takes 26,000 years
for our galaxy to do one full loop
a turn about it self /

how can things be that big
it's a wonder i can even think

she can not remember words
or the day / / some where it slipped off
why is it so hard to remember?

let me think

today she does no thing / house crumble
in slow resolute / look away / don't think about the grit

upstairs in the white tile bathroom piss stains the floors
& sugar ants march in procession behind the toilet
/now poisoned/ they disappear in to hairline cracks in the grout

bedding is past due / she sleeps sweat sleep / sweet / wet / sweat heat
changes her shirt 1 2 3 times a night / / body drips / panties soaked
what are these nightmares / chasing demons again / short cut through 4 am
a cross the grey cloud of late est night / a top the bitter blue mountains
crusted in october snow / this is the way to hell

night thoughts / cusp in to reality / & back out again





doesn't it feel some times / some days
doesn't it feel like / you know
ever one a round you / is crazy?

words acknowledged as mumbles / they fail to make sense
like floyd / your lips move but i can't hear what you say

here's hope /there's hope
may be it's just depression
she tries to be optimistic about depression
how coming off anti depressants / make her more depressed
how being on them made her depressed in the first place

this is no fucking poem / / this is
what the fuck
oh this modern pharmacopia of
what is this pulse in the base of my head
take a pill / quit smoke ing / purple pill for every

no / time to stop / it's okay to let your brain tumble
out of control / be crazy some times / /
some thing about remember ing

it's mad ness / less / lee /




& so this green day turns blister cold


sleep is some thing / that will all ways
be elusive

house ticks to quiet / children sleep up stairs
down stairs her husband's voice drones through
the floor / business meet ing late in to the night

fridge stops cool ing for a moment / pops clicks
furnace hums warmth
no thing but night time

& my own offer ing / blood for me / / where were you / when you were / where you were

& funny how / when the blood sets in
the mind / stops / sinks back in / &
certain lee / the thots / are all there


lock ed down / a bit of introspection
& i am feel ing odd / a gain / cold a gain
try ing to figure / out / out / i'm sure
there was a path / here /







over there // & it's quiet in the house
rock built / sleep deep / little heads
sweaty bodies / grow / grow / in to
the nite / & how i wonder / children
lock ed in dreams / un conscious /



& night be comes / black / moon slenders
ah / last quarter /& on our street / shadows
take over / eyes dim / / steady crunch
crack of leaves fall ing / dry yellow / first
casualties of a new season




& i'm think ing / i'm going to start plant ing
shoes / fill the garden with old sneak ers /
worn out winter boots / broken sandels
certain lee / the children won't miss them






see / the blood does that to my mother mind
stretch es / truth / blinds the eye / ah / follow
the body / tick toc / mind crazy / thinks /
well / isn't that strange / constant lee wonder ing
where i've got ten to


to day it was the garden / just a short circle / one turn about /
tomatoes / ah / beans /st.ill / strawberries / ah / ever bearing
one to relate to / in the back garden / one stubborn canterbury bell
refuses to lose / the bloom / all i can say is / thank goddess
the sun flowers are so damn happy / & yellow /

tall tall / i'm trying to reach the sun / see how it falls
so close to the mountain now/ see how south it moves

@ nite / i only stare @ the north sky / take comfort
in my dipper / watch / amazed / by 5 am / it stands
completely on it's handle / balances on elephant mountain

& i want to imagine / it's the sky moving past me / not
me / moving past the sky / & oh / i could move heaven
for you / see those stars over there / /

those are all for me / /







/

walk ing on water / & other tricks / / last year @ this time

& so i am / re cover ed
from

summer


& autumn brings / frozen morning
car windows iced / oh yes / cold is here


even day time fails to warm shadows
north face / now / permanent lee
on this side of the sun


now the lawn / shrills yellow /


*****************************
*****************************


these are / needles of the driest sort

this garden holds sad ness / season finish ed
the bloom is gone / the bloom is gone

my child cries a million tears for his miss ing father
grief consumes / consumates / this is
thursday / friday /

i look for a metaphor in fall leaves
oregon grape / spiney / prick my fingers leaves
shiny green / vibrant red / rot / crimson decay

i pick a pile of thorny autumn colours
9 of them / stuff them in an empty cigarette pack
they poke holes in my thumbs / rip the

skin of my hands / / some how
the leaves remind me of
love

& some thing snaps in the brain / / a signal / / words to go
back / wards / back
don't tell
mary wouldn't tell / instead / she'd ask god what to do /
you know / & god / good god / he'd say
you haven't done any thing wrong
now get down on / your knees

& oh / you are not god


on the lawn a patch of shaggy manes / mush rooms
crush ed by small boy feet / jump up up up
& down / flatten ed /
mush rooms turn to ink / black sludge
skid across the lawn / / heavy morning dew doesn't help

& that wet morning sun / october. say it again / october
& that wet morning sun / strays weak through pine branches
so pale / & the lawn sits / heavy / wet / green

blades of grass begin to yellow / yey yo / amarillo /
air flush with orange / it all be comes / mountains a fusion
deciduous / coniferous / even the pines & cedars /
drop autumn needles of the driest sort






see the water


& so the day spins in to
eternal sun set / oh it's pink
the whole yard / every green
is glow ing / air is pink

this is / the nature of sun sets

these are yellow days / sun brights
pure blue / & oh / are those white caps
on the lake / don't be fooled / this is
october / /

my last child was born in october /
the last day of pregnancy i remember
a day like / / feel those faint rays
is it any different / / yes / / older now
not wiser tho / knowledge / a tricky thing

gold / it was pure gold / & dark blue /

lake fills the eyes / white capping
wind blows a cross the water / /

wonder ing
can you walk on water / because i believe
i can / see the water / from here





/

clouds in my eyes /

& i have de cided

i like watch ing clouds
never static / / except
in matters of lighten ing

to day / black clouds
with purpose / move stealth
across / head ing east / high
from an other place / vancouver
perhaps / the okanagan / b.c.'s
answer to the desert / yes / may be
these clouds are from / ah / just
pass ing by / /

& i live / surround ed by water
below / me / i walk on it / a cross
the sky / i wash in it / / & i suppose
one could / call it / baptism by water
it would be / fair / to say / i'm
drown ing in it / a gain /


ah but for the glory / heaven / on earth
garden of weed ing / so much blue sky
on some days / green blue mountain on
most days / that is / if the clouds / don't

on thick rain days / rain / be comes fog
cloud eternal / & the other side of the
valley / / gone / from my eye /

funny thing / how clear recent nights
have been

no argument here / there / most lee
they float / swirl / move ing / always on
the move / / /


take the rain with you

i say / take them & be done
with it / /


& the sun grows / weaker
ah fall equinox / nite & day / equal
all things / be ing / never equal

full fills / a niche / quite nice lee / i might add

& i am / antsy

wish ing / to leave
bound / to this / & morning

ah / occupational hazard / & then there was one
parent / all ways / one


& i've made up my mind / to leave
not sure when / where the journey
will / be / or not / to / & these are
circle thot days / nites /


& so hard to supress the anger / what
cause is this / & late lee / it wells / high er
high er / in my throat / can't swallow hard
enough / to push it back down / & i am
used up a gain / torch ed / /

these days / lawn stays wet / until
after noon / grass basks in this almost
autumn / ah / cool ness / & the month
slips by / a gain / damn it / mourn the loss
of an other year

& i look for ward to having you too

taste this day / i can't stay

i want
to write in to / the day
but can't / wish for sun
to stop play ing with clouds
back & forth they go / blue
or grey / or / some where in
between

& i have frighten ed you /
i'm certain / filled pages of
life with years of words

& i am hunch ed / over book / pen
hand / let go / i tell my self / over &
over

sun warms / for a second / this blue
sweater / / over layers layer / keeps
bones / there is no reprieve / clouds
swollen grey / insistant / cold / &
there is clang of the golf course triangle
& boys giggling on the first tee / i always
suck on this hole / & their voices disappear
in to cars / & childrens yells / my neighbours
deep voice as he speaks to his son /

& the clouds move steady / persist in
climatizing me / cold / back / neck

your summer is over



& a gain / sun breaks thru / strains
/ pretends to stalk / ah / weak rays
& / i was only kidding / you know

i only want ed to touch you



& the red of my hair / heats down
my back / now i'm baking / & clouds
become / paint ings / slow gloss

& i / cover ed in sacherine / bitter
sweet glaze / in side my legs / thighs
you say / dull ache of / chest heavy /
tang of broken / right between the ribs
& i give you / this / my rib

& sun shines / thru thru / rediculous lee
bright / & crows & gulls / pace a round
walk ing / peck ing / just general attitude
& now acorns fall / one one / crack a gainst
earth / & i am strip ing down / 2 layers off
2 to go /

& on a sun day in the park / a million
children play / play on the play ground
their parents play close by / not me / i
sit / a way / with in eye / in line of sight
my children see / /

i drink sun light / light light / give
& an other acorn drops / silly gulls
one would think / they'd learn by now
not every thing is food

rice crackers for mama

& people are happy in the park
on a sun day / & every thing / perfect
except / one black cloud / alive
deliberate






/