Monday, January 31, 2005

invisible letters

so there is a sense of lone lee ness

a quiet disolve of the brain
a kind of hope less ness

a permanent sad ness

a head ache that just won't go away

a dull roar

a lack of conscious ness

a rope to wrap around one's neck

what is this bitter taste / thick white spit
in my mouth / / i wait to taste you / / but
can't / won't / / /

these memories / plague the mind
with foul thoughts / throat sticks shut

this is the brain with no thought

this is the house of sickness

this is a body that never moves

this is the head of ringing ears

today the sky clears / high cloud

temperature drops to freezing
ah / see i told you january wasn't finished
winter lull / a short break / now let's see
the snow again / today a fresh line halfway
down elephant mountain / / be sure
the cold days are far from over

stars shine bright / white sparkle dots
high black sky / night comes again & hides
not only the day / but the mountains as well

sight is limited to the near by

night makes every thing black / shadow
i'm lost in it now

& the poet writes letters to fill
the day / fill the night with words
the words she wishes to give to you

poet doesn't under stand why the longing
won't go away / why can't i stop loving you
why can't i for get / / night be comes
meaning less / /


ah the eternal jonesin
the craving
i'm craving
oh to crave
ode to


i've decided / i want fame & fortune

ha / prolly won't get either

just keep slamming out those words gal

one of these days / you're going to get up early

day dissapears in the warm after glow
of a sunday of laundry / & nothing

sleep till past noon
stay up all night

Sunday, January 30, 2005

late nite echos

& so late night comes to our house
once again

snow continues its melt / night air is cold
silent / the sound of the occasional car rises from the highway
she smokes / get's high / lites a butt of a cigarette

thinks about
nothing / thinks about being high
getting away / /

some how the room is not dark enough
she bends the light away /
darkness descends in to the glow

eyes become a blur / age they call it

i wonder what went through the minds of my ancestors
my grandmother bearing children in ww ii / bombs
being dropped all around her / people dying by the thousands
near her / / all those souls

mass death must create a feeling of some sort
a lasting energy / / where blood feeds the ground

what did those women think about
fear / keeping their children safe
fed / / i will never know
i will never live in that termoil

or will i
will there become a time
will there be a time
when / i must guard my children from the guns of

don't believe guns will ever free any one
guns create supression
i'm so lucky / to live where i live

omg / upstairs mariahs fire belly toads
actually it's the tree frog
croaks loud lee / fills the house with
roak roak roak
how can such a tiny thing make such a giant noise
every one sleeps though it / just another house noise

time is mild now / measured in / weeks fly by
quick / we do little / the illness grabs tight

today the baby fevers / hot beads of sweat rolls off
his body / soaking the blanket / his head a mass of
soaking wet curls / / mama i love your braids
mama / kiss me / i love you / almost delirious /
the heat of his 4 year old body / quickly heats my own fever

her ass spreads / legs heavy / clothing tight
yet / weight has now normalized / not fat
not overweight / just not as thin as she was
st.ill she hates it / this body / which way do i wear you
vanity sets in / beautiful on the outside / fucked up
on the in side

can you see this scar / i wear across my shoulders
invisible perhaps / but it wraps tight around the brain
some say / washed up / circumvent the sea / go around
i say / go around the point from here
ah yes / the sickness grows heavy

train whistle rises through the valley

warning the night / such a long sad sound
echos off elephant mountain / song of a child hood gone

Friday, January 28, 2005

which side of the sun

so the rain falls
it's nice to hear the patter / plink
against the roof

the snow has melted completely from the roofs

the snow / completely melted
from the roof / it lays thin across
the back yard

head pounds / flu / malaise of the body
entire family succumbs / / fever flu

the snow / how ever / doesn't care about
illness / it soaks up the rain / melts it's self
back in to the ground

some where under winter / the ground gives an appreciative
rumble / ah time to warm up / roots & bulbs jiggle just a bit
but of course / winter is full of trickery / it's only january
not quite february / a lull / wait wait / more snow to be shovelled
the sky is not finished with winter / wait for clouds with full bellies
thick grey clouds / wait for the smell in the air / sweet snow smell
yes soon the roads will be full again /

but for this moment / enjoy the sound of rain falling on the roof
the smell of earth rising from the mud in the drive way / the ground
beneath the thickest cedars / warms /

february 4 days away / / earth does a slow tilt on her axis

(i'm of the mind / if i mention it enough / the earth will tilt
right back to summer / / )

if i could see the stars / through the cloud / the fog
i'm sure / i'd see that they'd moved

in credible amazing head ache sets in
this is illness

today the fog clears / / winter lifts high white cotton clouds
bavarian blue sky spills through / sun light cuts sharp
landing here / there / unfortunatly it was missed by people
still sleeping / / i could have sworn the room was bright
when i opened my eyes for a moment this morning

she cut's back into a deep sleep the bed to her self
he's been gone since /

not sure / / the bed is only shared for a few short hours
2 insomniacs / / can't stay a sleep / /

head feels like

head is a cloud

out side it begins to pour / hard rain
it's full of fat flakes / large wet
it lands indiscriminately / some melting
some coating / ah see / i told you winter isn't over

st.ill the thermometer reads 4 degrees above zero

upstairs / / the heat / / the heat is on
fevering bodies / sweat / / let the illness
drown it self

bodies / fluid / the weather is fluid
precipitaion / circular / the pattern is
there is no pattern / except / in winter
it gets cold / & the snow comes / / ice
air / / & of course the light wanes

it all depends / on
which side of the sun the earth spins to

Thursday, January 27, 2005

pulled toward the water

& other unreasonable lines of reason

i am sick / the germ settles in the lungs
heavy / a mean germ . smoking is not going to help

but the craving / oh the craving

patches / i bought a pack of patches
& i'm going to put one on / / i don't
think i can handle a chest cold right now

lungs are weak

smoke another joint / i say / smoke another fattie
& see how that makes you feel??? see///

it's grand aint it

she fidgets / i fidget / rub my head my eyes my face
come on just one more smoke

ah / death wish

naw /

well may be

these damp january days don't let up
the snow melts with wild abandon
objects begin to appear in the yard

don't be fooled tho / the lawn is still covered
with snow / & more will come / this is the lull
before the winter / / after all it's only january

finally the sun comes up
over top silver king mountain

6 weeks since winter solstice
almost 12 weeks since the sun sat atop
silver king

but now / @ 1 pm in the after noon
low / behold / rays of sunlight
fill the kitchen window

the dark days filter away
ah here we are / back on this side of the sun again
funny how we turn up here / once a year / weather
we like it or not / whether the earth turns to season
or not / we have no say / the forces of the universe
are just too large to argue with

& again

thots turn to the one she loves

walking through the masses in search of love, if I fall down will you be
lying there?

january / dark month gets a bit lighter
not much / stale twilight @ 4:45
i always miss you @ dusk /
if i could be near you @ any time /
it would be when day becomes night

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

days just a bit longer

so fog embraces tight lee
there is no view / only mystery
hidden in dense moisture /

she fights the sick / germs foaming
in the back of the nose / general malaise
of bones back & muscle / oh my aching legs

the full moon / my moon
belly ripe with blood

i'm pulled toward the water

& st.ill i remain concealed by mountains
sky presses down / /

she stays in / self imposed exile
days drift / week slides by

& the end of january is upon us
day light creeps up / & the days
are longer / /

crazy fucked up ride

& sudden lee the words are hard to write

this january fog rolls thick down the street
presses / flat / up against / the world
including me

do you remember when you kissed
pressed me down flat against my back
& breathed against my face

no / i didn't think so / / funny how time
makes people for get / the details / always
search / search / what is it / i look for

wait for more time to pass / it does
pass / certain lee / faster than i would have
ever imagined as a child / time less / yes
life seems large / long / for a child / /

hold on / hold on to distant memory
it's all you have / it's all i've got

the list of all the ones i've loved
never grows smaller / / some are lost

i pain for the loss of my children
how quick lee they grow / /

my child noah / grunts / & moans
in stead of talk ing / he says
i for get / i can't remember what happened
he's in trouble all the time
with his dad
with the school
with his siblings
i truly wanted to throttle him a few times
last summer in a rage i threaten to kill him
told him i didn't love him / / he's 6 / / /
ver y tiny / / / very angry / / / i wish i could
take my anger of that day / & wish that day away
my daughter was in the car when i was raging
& she would n't talk to me for a week / she was very up set
about the whole incident / / i was out of my mind with anger
i don't know what get's in to me / every once in a while i lose
it very badly / / & yell and scream and say things intended to hurt
some times i'm so overwhelmed when i'm here a lone / i feel so crazy

the older kids are very help ful / they know to help
but it's the younger ones with the crying / & when they all fight
& argue / it makes me crazy / / / i guess i am crazy

mostly i'm mellow / prolly too mellow / /
& i don't pay enough attention to stuff like
how the kids are doing in school / / getting their home work done
yes i'm the bad mother i don't really believe in school / i mean i know
children learn how to read and write and hopefully a few other things but
there is little in school that really prepares one for the reality of life
school is just indoctrination in the 9-5 reality of so many people
preparation for being a little worker soldier in some corporate box
somewhere / / imo

i wish i could be that dream mother
the one who gets up in the morning rested
smiling / / walks her children to school

i have too many children / i turn them off
i go inside my head

i run away inside these words / words to hide inside of

one day they will be grown up / i hope they are all fine
i hope they don't get fucked up on drugs like i did

i hope they respect women / & are kind to people

& i hope no one hurts them / / / that nothing bad ever happened to them
violence , ect. .

i hope i make it through this crazy fucked up ride with them

Sunday, January 23, 2005

january rain

the days be linger in to
oh god the month is almost gone

you see / there is a failure to get high .
a slight buzz / dryness of mouth
bitter teeth / but the brain is not
quite spinning as it should

she takes another puff
one more smoke

cat claws the carpet
slow lee things fall apart

tyrant / bully

he laughs when she says this

she wonders about people in love

what are you searching for

i'm not sure / some thing / i'm searching for
i'm st.ill not sure

what is this madness that floats through my mind
freezes my body

mind rolls round round / words fall / how do you write
she wants to know / i shrug / i don't know / i just write what i'm
thinking / thematics / over & over / i just write the same thing

over & over

the view is this /

a blue mountain
clouds socking in the valley below

the view is this
a blue mountain
clouds moving up the north arm
of kootenay lake / i know that water is blue
i've seen it / just not from here

the view is block by trees

the view is this
on a clear day i can see kokanee glacier rising
high white in to the sky / even in summer those
craggy peaks are snow covered /
on cloudy days / the glacier disappears /

even when my eyes are heavy / the rise & cut of elephant mountain
is locked in my visual brain / a permanent image / imbedded in my veins

st.ill can't shake the feeling
cold ride through the blood
numbness of hands / feet

be thine own worst enemy / @ least the weather warmed to rain
snow melts rapidly / rain rain wash this day / away

so / we don't want to talk about it / / never really been good
with stuffing / / oh don't say another word / / i wear my heart on my sleeve
wrap your self in cotton / hush now / / okay then / we won't mention it again

st.ill the image / / white legs / / white tunnel

i said / don't mention it again /

& january lays false hope of spring in peoples hearts
warm air with the smell of / my heart jumped / banging
it was literally banging against my chest wall / i could smell
the earth again / & hear birds calling / sweet whistle
every where water dripped & ran & pooled in large brown puddles

yes / it all comes back to me now / i remember january / fool
that i am / i fell for it's trickery / & dreamed flowers & cool green moss
i wondered what would happened if i stopped cutting the lawn in the summer
certain lee the grass would be as tall as me / & the fronds of bracken would
curl up high & open / full grace / we could tunnel through it / like we do
in the meadow on our way to our neighbour's house

oh summer is only a heart beat away / a few more sleeps & this cold weather
will pass / / soon soon / / summer will be on your tongue again little one

ears a constant whistle / / buzz / conduit for radio waves ect
dream of silence / / with no hum /

she checks for stars //

sees clouds / watches rain streak thru the street light
orange the rain is orange / it shines the now bare road
fills the pot holes

Thursday, January 20, 2005

don't you wish we could talk about all this

& she walks cautious through the day
sits up late @ nite / sorts fact from fiction
waits for the dark / to hide her

broken mind /

she resolves to stay home / ground
she waits for the ground to thaw
the days to lengthen

& i keep losing people
the very thought / disturbs

all my life i find lost souls
the ones that don't want saving
& i give them my heart

& good byes / & we are off
in different directions / /
ah / & then the ones who die

i'm grateful to live to 41
my deathwish was 42 / i like to change that
now if i could / certain lee / i don't want to
die just yet /

to walk through the garden / to taste strawberries
& raspberries / pick sweet mint / listen to the
warm wind cut through the trees on a hot july nite
these are the things i live for /

even the smell of january after the rains come
& the snow begins to melt / some where the earth rises
up / & brown dirt creates a memory / a time / of
i remember when you kissed me / held me close on
a meltly january after noon / snow turned slush
wet against our feet / / fragile you said

i think about smoking another million cigarettes
toxic blue smoke / the death of me / you can be certain
smoking kills / ah but for the taste of ash upon your lip
your bitter mouth reminds me /

acrid words burn red holes through me / blood weeps
& i can't remember any more / what is was / that made me love you

halo / of light / mary looks up
it hurts her eyes / sting of birth
doubles pain of death / one in / one out
unbearable pressure of bearing down
body contracts / quickening / crown
scream / moan / writhe / urge / urge to


when she sees him she is a grown woman
child birth a memory / pain receded / dulled by time
lost thots left in grassy sand dunes
swept away by ocean winds

this time
he wears a halo of light against brown skin
eyes glint against the sun / face lost in the
glow / not ledgible /unidentifiable / but st.ill
distinct / some thing about the glow of white teeth
a laugh / charmed / the chosen

i am of tender sole / tread invisible against the light
hidden by shadow / my face disappeared / when i left my skin

white legs against red tile floors / faces @ the window
watch the show / /

ghosts / blame the ghosts / will that / i wonder free us
up / from any responsibilities /

you see / the only ghost that haunts me / is my own
former shadow of my skin / white legs /

a corpse / oh bodies
lay over the ocean / oh bodies lie under the sea
spirits roam rest less the planet / it's all my
closed eyes can see

she can handle her alcohol / its just not like her
to black out like that / it was some thing else
restless ghosts / i feel them / between here & the kitchen
& over there by the men's wash room / some thing angry / unsettled
i don't like being in here by my self / /

possession / i watched my self leave the room
the door way / the hall way / a series of tunnels
flashes of light / i could see my face coming toward me
but mostly i could see my self from behind / the halo of light

like a moth / burning its thick dusty body against a hot light bulb

bundled in string

after days of static freezing
dull quick / snap snap / enough
to break branches

it warms / catalyst / one heavy snow fall
turned to rain

suddenly the earth is alive with thaw
4 degrees c is enough to shrink snow banks
create slush / mush & other goodness

steady drip from the roof / over flows
eves troughs / melted winter seeps down
through the snow & in to the ground

today orange breasted finches twisted & turned
flit over the yard / they land on the
thin twiggy branches of the mountain ash
the tree st.ill heavy with red berries

even a few fat black flies / sluggish from winter
venture out in to the spring like air
they land stupidly on the snow / certain death

ah but for a breath of warm air
one can almost smell fresh earth &

feel the tremble of flowers waiting to burst

taste spring sweet sweet spring

& damp closes in / fog / clouds too close
to the mountain / a different chill
from sub zero / clings to clothing / dampens
the ear drums /

on the back porch / 7 chakra bells chime in time
with the whim of the wind
each tone distinct / melt to gether / harmony of weather
each tone clear / high / melodic /


a letter / a package / mailed
with a birth day card / horoscope for the year
a post card & a gram of weed /

no return address /

what do you think of that?
is it nice to get a letter in the mail
almost seems old fashioned
some thing that can be tucked in a drawer
or bundled in string / /

Sunday, January 16, 2005

free from the truth / slow lee the days get lighter

once again / words find them selves
flailing / they try to land / but can't

so the mind grows thick with

st.ill there are no answers

st.ill no thing is said

these are words best left behind

black eyed action / reaction
can not be changed / the past is the past

is the passing time / days are minutes in year time
so we fly though january / a minor / a major

stop in the middle / honest you won't feel a thing
press ing press up against / / short sighted emotion

you know the smell of me / white musk
body shop brand / makes me think of a girl i layed in bed with once

high / speed / a night spent in a punk rock flop house
on top of her boy friends bed / her name escapes me

some thing like donna / her name was some thing like that
her boy friend was so drunk / he pissed the bed

bits & pieces / remember all the humiliations
one @ a time / / heart shudders / shoulders droop
shake your head / you know @ some time you are bound to remember

full metal black out / how can you lose time like that
there is no answer / no one knows / there can be no answer

the bar smells like beer & stale smoke

musty memory / cold

good god / door slams open / who the fuk is there

there is no one there / room is empty / / @ night
she runs through an apopolyptic maze / try ing to hide
try ing to escape / running from / some thing

the some thing remains invisible / silent / won't be named
the real fear lies in the un known / fuck factor / smiles

broad faced / reassuring / the some thing makes her run run
don't be caught / who is chasing you / who do you run from

ah the pain of / wordee ness / / suddenly eyes burn

& the hunger sets in / one that can only be filled with
late night prowls to the fridge / piling on layers in the middle
of the night to go out side and smoke

he takes over her side of the bed & growls @ her when she tells him to move
over / his head leaves a wet stain on her pillow / she turns the pillow over

water runs throught the walls / up & then down again /
ode to third floor plumbing / i always know when you are away he says
he hears her flush the toilet // he hears her open & shut the door
pretends to sleep when she's not sleeping

ah games / pavlovs dog / trained to do a trick / to react / respond
if i wake up 10 times a night / / okay if i wake up 4 times a night
& go eat / like really eat in the night / / chicken // sugar / cheese
anything really / / cookies

so thought disolves in to night time
head weaves nods & bobs

belly begins to ache / body a twitch

she wonders when resolution will rise up
free from the truth

star flavours

one last note before bed

smoke one last cigarette
check the doors / take pills to sleep

watch the snow come down
white death / death to the ground

death to winter

Saturday, January 15, 2005

saint ill

late @ nite i read only my own work / gather
thots / back log / written & tossed aside

like so much water / drown from cold
white white / the cold is white /death

but do i care about these things
no / i do not care about cold / or crazy

& she wonders about dead poets / the ones
who kill them selves / who write in pain

& these are not my thots any more
i hand them over to you / i give you
my pain / ease the horrification of shame

silver snow falls silent
yes it's winter / january you see

& she can't get the sick feeling out of
her stomach / it sits heavy / mourning

perhaps tomorrow the temperature will
rise toward zero / minus 20 c hurts bones

arms twinge with heat / knarled knots

what really burns / is the truth
some how things will sort them selves out

i don't think i can talk to you
with out my heart pounding through
my chest / / flashes of memory
i can't confess / i remember a kiss
a touch not un pleasant

did i respond? that's what i want to know
did i give a signal / an error / i'm sure it
was all an error / a case of bad judgement

a case of:
out of one's mind

why me? chosen to bear the ring of truth
bearer of bad news / burden of sin

my lust rests between your lips
the ache of my skin rests under your hands

possession. sin of skin / desire becomes
a demand / some thing rises in the belly

across mid section / sends a signal to the brain
what is this / do you remember / i don't recall

what really happened / @ one with the earth
flat / curled up / st.ill /

Thursday, January 13, 2005

so the week slips by / no resolution

so the day drifts in to dark night
lowt of winter / wait for days to lighten

yes we dream of seeds & the smell of fresh
thawed earth / soon soon an occasional snow drop
will lift white fat heads / heavy with winter
seek seek the sun

earth spins fast / faster / st.ill
rotation is not enough for me to feel

& these women carry sad hearts / unknown

st.ill no answers / / wasn't the right time
to talk / so / we 4 walk with crazed heads
wondering / each with a secret / / who knows


these knots tie us together
bound pain full / teeth clenched

how is this / i pull you in to my life
can we land from this

carry on / / these words have no meaning
mean ing less

riddle me this

bare from the waist down

riddle me that

after shock / / has the world tilted back yet

no no not yet / / soon little one soon the sun

will ride high in the sky / / the height of summer

will be upon us / /

but for now / / we must be content with burning cold

shiver / i say / my you look cold / pull those blankets

tighter / look @ how love lee the snow sparkles blue diamonds

& the sun / / so beautiful / against blue sky & mountain

shimmer / snow / air / water / oh this winter chill

get in side i say / get in side

& the head begins a slow nod / of tired

nothing accomplished / only angst of the mind

al though the silky snow felt good under skis

on this bright sunny day / temperature -15 c

snow squeaks crunches under foot / / shoosh shoosh

as we slides along the golf course / x country

ah breathe the icey air

free from truth

honest lee
the scent of 10 below freezing

how can hands of speckle

see words make no sense

what made you love me in that instant
the moment of i can't remember / / black in side
black in side / / i can't - you see / i could see my self
from in front from behind / white legs you see her legs were
so white she was dead / / a ghost for memory

a tunnel / she comes too / oh i feel so sick / so aweful
she pukes in a bucket / several time / / oh oh so cold in
this room / gets up staggers out / in to the light
she watches her self through some one else's eyes as she
staggers to the door / / / cut

black out

skin so soft / for the touching
what is this thing / that consumes the mind
body / did something enter you / demons
ah your skin / / he kisses her

she doesn't breathe / no breath left

fade to /

oh the water is warm / / / too many souls circling
the earth right now / / death death / / surround by

the circle / ever present / spin spin / / it's all you can do
@ a time like this //

response / nil / / can't remember the details

some thing about night shifting in to grave yard / dance of
some thing about shifting nite / /
some thing about ghosts shifting morning / / when did the sun come up

she sleeps in her fur coat / w/her boots on
arms hands pulled in tight / / knees to the chest

floresin / for i sin

journey the dark path / wind along
lesson / what is this i'm to learn

there is no anger / only confusion
humiliation / a pounding heart / / pulse
through the ears / loud lee / match the shaking
of hands / / be st.ill / / be st.ill / /

truth tries to set me free

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

weather cast

look in to my eyes
what do you see
a reflection of the
in side of me

burn the hole bigger / blacken the edge

a memory of a kiss / / oh you kissed me

she resolves to stay out of the snow
keep in from the cold

the wind the wind
makes every thing so much colder

roads covered in white silt
let the treachery begin

it seems to be a theme

ice january / oh winter is up on us
you want weather / i'll give you weather
snow / / a sealing off of the earth

ah give me back my words of sanity
torn up ripped to a shrillion pieces
screaming / / death death death to the words

unsanity prevails / welcome to / well i wasn't
exactly going to call it hell / / but fuck
it fits/ welcome to the inside of the mind of crazy

why mommy forgets:

she had too many children
she had too many drinks
she had too many joints

what mommy remembers

her name in the morning
things that happened a long time a go (maybe)
that she was paralyzed ( at one with the earth )
floor level that is

& so let me rest in pieces of night

deep snore hot sweat chilled shoulders
a head that won't stay sleeping
walk the house in the morning
walk the house in the night / when night becomes morning
then i wish you were there / but no / we've been gone for a
very long time now / / / i promise to be good now /
promise to look after things / / promise to be crazy

& so let me rest in pieces
let the snow build up to the sky
lest i for get / / i am mary / the blood
of mirth / one bad joke / /

what was it

& she comes to the conclusion
that words

can not suffice

winter snow flies side ways
harsh wind

trees begin to lose shape

can i help this

a storm moves through my own head
of what if's
fogged memory

the truth will set me free - - ha

truth can not be spoken @ a time like this

cover my body
slap me with sin
pull off my sensibilities
with my boots & my skin

for there was no choice

only the fumes of liquor testify
to the truth of the matter

paralyzed i'm paralyzed & i can't move

please tell me that some thing was loose in your brain
that you lost your mind
over come with lust / over come with lack of sensiblity

that some how in that moment of me laying there
passed out on the floor / complete vunerability
you decided you loved me / need ed me / /

that some how / / you were showing me you cared

no - but that is not true / / there is no truth

except i blacked out / / couldn't walk / couldn't talk

so who do i talk to to

can't tell my husband

can't tell my friend
your wife

was it rape / was it intent / /
was it the grace of / well /
when some one walked in
before you entered my body

or had you already been there

what is this you lay upon my body

your mouth perhaps
your hands on my ass

your tongue between my legs

think about that

i wonder: what is this curse
i have laid upon my own body
not one of blood
not one of pain

this is the curse of never enough

a thirst for some thing that can't be tasted

perhaps in death / i will know peace

& i shake my head & recoil in disgust

what is this heart break you bring upon

the ones around you - - - - am i so fucked?

nah / there can be no good taste

for in winter the ground is bitter

dead ground / ashes for my tea

rotted leaves for my salad

in the mean while / the snow falls pure white crystals

real snow flakes / not muddied by warm air / these stick

to nothing / gather in whorls on the roads / moved by the

slight est provocation of wind // ah & the wind is bitter too

burns the skins / turns the tips of fingers white / / the artic

you say / well / i could agree with you on that if i didn't know

for a fact / / the wind comes from hell

so she surrounds her self with demons once again

truth / there can be no truth / stuffed down

sandwiched between lies / /

for this i carry pain †

Monday, January 10, 2005

twilight of no thing good

& this bottom less pit shall be mine

black coated guilt weighs this soul down

perhaps better to be dead than feel like this

the humiliation / sin of the skin / what lesson is this

i carry? oompa loompa ompady doo

the day warmed with thick cloud / almost @ zero
st.ill freezing / hands shake hard / heart pounds
what is this ? lesson / ah yes / a lesson perhaps

st.ill there is a pulse / rushes through the back of the mind
impure thots / ha / impure as opposed to pure /

man you really are on crack aren't you?

she does know that things make no sense / some how
the world doesn't make sense any more / / & trust
is non existent / a fabrication of a situation

don't trust me

i am not worthy.

sense less act of shame

st.ill all the details don't quite add up

ah this is depression

this is - there is no excuse

january the dark month gets a bit lighter
not much / / stale twilight @ 4:45
i always miss you @ dusk / / if i could be near
you @ any time of day / / day becomes night
it would be then

the fantasies of satan

Quench the fiery darts of the Wicked One which are thrown insidiously at us; calm the commotions of our flesh and put away all thoughts about worldly and material things as we go to sleep. Grant us, O god, a watchful mind, chaste thoughts, a sober heart, and a gentle sleep, free from all the fantasies of Satan.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

oh sure it's cold out

this day the wind does nothing
but blow hard / more than gusts

it's good for wind chimes
good for blowing snow off the car

good for bringing the temperatures down
to a paupers wage



the long of it is / the day was extremely cold
the night doesn't look /sound much better
wind whips the recycling around on the side deck
rolls empty pop cans / knocks over what ever it hits

wind is like that / / it quite literally roars in
much like the wave / except you can hear it coming up
from the lake / blowing off the top of the mountain
a wall of wind / a wall of water / i didn't even see what hit me . . .

oh sure / we bring this weather upon our selves / a good way
to hide complacancy / / stay in doors / it's too cold out side

any snow that fall is dry waste / small flakes that disappear
with the wind / / not nearly wet enough to stick to any thing
not nearly wet enough to raise the temperature up to zero

oh it crashes through the trees / a shussss shusss of branches
bouncing / shaking / shiving with cold / so glad i'm not a tree
turn up the heat just a bit more / / crank that heater

Friday, January 07, 2005

biting nails - better to write nothing


the wind blows coarse
cold / icy snowflakes fly sideways

ah winter / january is more than brisk
it's cruel with temperature

certain lee the snow sparkles / diamonds
dead lee riches / for this i am cold

winter presses down / dormant the earth
is dormant / & there is nothing i can do about it

wait / wait for the season to turn / soon spring will be here
again / soon the smell of earth will rise in to the air
fill the nose with anxious thoughts / wait for mild days
& sun light to warm the air

january sun shine makes the sky blue
lays out a cover of ice /

face red / skin dry / fingers white

it's enough to harden your guts

& then there is the wave / / gone now

a beautiful blue day / & yet on the horizon
a dark blue band / / what what could it be

run run run / / water steals children from
their mother's arms / / water fills schools
knocks over trains / / turns freighters on their sides

drowns 150 thousand people / dead
dead lee / / it was over before we knew what hit them

dazed. tears of epic proportions / drown ing by wave

& the funeral pyres burn high in to the night / & the bull dozers
push holes in to the ground / bury the dead / bury the dead
the rotten dead

the children had no chance

no chance for the children

& now / people wont eat the fish in sri lanka
they are afraid / the fish have eaten human

repulsed / sickened / hope less
for some / it is hope less / lay down

death would be preferable to this pain

& she chews her nail & thinks about it

Thursday, January 06, 2005

this is why

un dy ing love / catch phrase
falls from the sky / a wane ing moon

you see
the tips of his fingers / feel her entire body / /
his tongue probes each opening / wet /

yes he touches her deep lee / sucks her tongue
out of her mouth / licks her teeth / kisses her lips
& the tips of her nipples

this is why she loves him / it's for the slow quiver
'that' thought as she drifts off to sleep / wet fingers
between her legs / / it's the smell of his skin
draw of his neck when she kisses it
sweet sweat / warm salt / it's the taste as she runs
her tongue along his arm pit / this is why she loves him

but this is crazy love / / one that never ends / /
one that should be put away / locked up / drugged

this is in difference / too many cigarettes / one joint
too many / this is a late night walk in the heat
a swing on the veranda / a hand not held
a mouth not kissed / /

stars with too much twinkle

did i tell you tonight you look beautiful


because salt
only tastes like salt
& spit
is the elixer of love /

& blood
washes red / /

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

tags of time - january 4 / 05

last lee

what is this confusion you plant upon
my head
my heart

he art

& a new year rolls in - last lee first lee
the lowt of wynter

falls past / rushes throught to the other side of the sun

these are not beautiful words / these are the words of confusion

i think i might be normalized again

no no / just learning to live with the pain

of a heart complete lee shattered / long sad story
of a furrowed brow

nebulous @ best
a bit of a star story @ worst

you see / there was a woman who reached for
put her hand out to the stars / / instead

she reached in to the black hole of hell
the abyss of time moving too quick lee / /

i wait for you

each day she misses a bit more / / each nite
sleep less ness steels black against the sky
cold stars / january bitter / / remember last january
do you remember last january ? ?

standing in the cold / / waiting for a kiss

breath be comes steam be comes the very breath i tasted

memory shutters down her back / skin prickles / she remembers
the smell of his neck / his hand around her throat tightening
as he kissed her deep.

a period indicates the end of a sentence.

this means my sentence is now over / / long ing / /
a period of time for which the heart was sentenced
an eternity / blue cold frozen hard / / a november heart
perhaps a january heart / /

al though - the heart has now been layed to rest

silenced / as it were / / al though some days it jerks
with an irregular beat / / an erratic pounding / a short burst
of /

i used to be alive

for the most part / it remains impartial / quiet /
slow pulse


but that is inconsequential / & has nothing to do with the
current that refuses to run smooth lee through the brain circuits

dull ache of head / / each bit of body a live with pain
there is no other word

pain / i give you my

day lee she misses the day with her children
you never listen to me says the oldest
i always get in trouble

no no she has not been / i have not been
present / this is the story of the mother
who could not cope / / the woman who lived in
the big house on the hill / the woman with too many
children & not enough her self
nothing to give - - - -

she strikes a bargain with the devil
ah so classically cliche' / / trades her soul
trades her mind / for peace of mind

Sunday, January 02, 2005

waving hands

the air is so cold
a chill sets in my body
a tremour / vibration of

the dead / blackened hand up
piles of dead / hands up / grabbing


the ocean is full of bodies

reaching out / up / holding on

why are all their arms in the air

this late month

this late month

@ nite it rains leaves
constant crackle of
some thing break / break
trees dead broken lees

drop to the ground / in silent resignation
back to organtia / house of rot

earth waits / cold / always cold
like me

funny how things slip away / thoughts
memories dull / old pain

& i remember
folding in to you / taste of your sweat
sweet salt on my tongue

some thing about the smell of you

you know it was the first autumn i didn't die from the dark ness

some thing about your crazee mind

it's cold on this side of the sun

hands freeze / slow death to the hand


life normalizes / becomes what it was before
count count counting
time / so sure i've been here before
@ this late month /

winter is a lonely place

& the eyes begin to draw / chest tight
stabbed / too much tension /

& i wonder / was it wrong to love you
obsessed / died from it

& i think / of the field of crosses
thick green grass / pressed against your chest
my back / voice in my ear

but it passes / gone from this mind / a final
grasp at spring summer / oh it moves so fast &
where did it go / / that feeling \ \ never to be
contained again /

i wish ed a million other dreams for you
/ they fell in broken fragments
meant nothing /

thick drops of blood fall
fills the toilet bowl with carmine circles

soul journey in a woman's body

what is this blood that falls from me

all words look awkward

death becomes ulimate pain release
body's train wreak i give you my hands

Registered User
(11/14/04 1:10 pm)
Reply Re: this late month
the beginning of this
is very evocative

the story is sad, longing still

the blood bleeds a lot.
but then , it's a late month.

i lke the combo at the end .

Brooks Hoffman
Registered User
(11/14/04 9:36 pm)
Reply Re: I like this
"death becomes ultimate pain release
body's train wreak i give you my hands"

There is a famous Urdu sher by Mirza Ghalib:


The happiness of the drop is to die in the river;
When pain exceeds the limits; the pain itself becomes medicine.


capriccio dei juniperi
(11/15/04 3:11 am)
Reply Re: I like this
i like how your writing builds emotion. even in your plays, there are characters, and they are obviously doing stuff, saying stuff, but the way i read it is that all that builds this tension in the room it is almost palpable. i really dig that. very evocative. in a powerful quietly urgent sort of way, somehow the word rampant comes to mind. i dig that.

ms finch
Registered User
(11/22/04 4:50 am)
Reply | Edit
let me roll it - (heart)
3 things i wrote down

respect is not an

you either give or you

i wish - an open ended
phrase - i wish

didn't make a poem

words refuse to fall /
only an image of eyes
blue eyes / intense / as

what is this longing?

distance makes her wonder about

blue white capping water
dark blue / deep / mystery
cold the water is cold

to day she puts on a red hat
to wear around the house
layers & scarves /
she thinks ' my husband hates me
no - he's un happy - '

& she looks at her hands
sore hands / pain shifts to the knee
side of the leg / numbness of the heart
mind /

it's okay / if one memory / say perhaps
of a kiss or a touch / makes you happy / well then -

no - she dies from longing / heart simply stops
all the other pain creeps up / dumbs down dull

does this end

they talk about death
you talk about death
i talk about death

dying is for the brave / the holy
i am not prepared to take that step @ this time

hold on / hold on to which is greater

so she does

fortitude / build a wall / defend the pain

read these words
read these words

over & you you read my words & remember
that maybe just maybe

i love you after all / mean words / callous come
back /

after all a dream is just that /
a dream is just / only

she can't remember the words
seems there was an image / a few lines to a poem
kisses / a million miles of / hold me
tongue darts from the side of the mouth

& yet truth seeps in late night twists & turns
shallow sleep
dark mare / right dreams of

white dress moves in the wind / buttons to the bottom / row of eyelet / stitch of time / give you this white veil /

this is the white dress of mary / this is the mother, the father / the holy host / virgin ghost / this cross i lay myself upon

epic story / intensity of lost spirits
when a body dies / it searches for

what? what? what am i searching for?
can't seem to find it / this thing
i've lost / misplaced /

when i misplace my self / i'm fucked

you need to find your self / love your self

no / i hate this body / this is not mine
instead i give you *my self*

i can't tell you how i feel
my heart is like a wheel
let me roll it
let me roll it to you

p mccartney

ms finch
Registered User
(11/22/04 5:01 am)
Reply | Edit
divining divinity defined - never
& so sparkle of sunshine leaves
for a cover a snow / flat grey lite

where has this day gone / so dark now
for a moment sun smashes through the clouds
divine diamonds sprinkle across mountains
iced with early winter

but only for a moment / grey mist
snow laden / heavy sky sets in again
sun falls behind the tree line

how long until the dark days move toward next year

through the window / a painting
cedars dressed in hunter green / this is forest
wild cherry sheds it's last yellow leaves
so bright against sky
pale est blue / & periwinkle peaks
the significance of winter /

the load too heavy

my divinity elusive

Edited by: ms finch at: 11/22/04 5:02 am

Registered User
(11/22/04 8:02 am)
Reply Re: let me roll it - (heart)
hate to put a damper on your enthusiasm, kush, but he aint that good, all full of adjectives and huge emotions, typical teenage angst, but he aint that bad, either, i guess, and we all have to get it out of our system sometime, so i'd like to see some more of his stuff later ... like in about five years. and i really don't think your comments were appropriate within a thread about ms finch's poem. j

Edited by: jitney2 at: 11/22/04 8:03 am

ms finch
Registered User
(11/23/04 3:32 am)
Reply | Edit
just don't care any more
my thots / are fuzzy @ best

scotch & red wine

this isn't a poem - *a small disclaimer

tongue burnt bitter
lungs / stain

but the booze / some how the booze kills the pain

may be i should be an alcoholic / /

naw just a thot

check the doors
turn on the light / check the thermometer
on the back porch / 0 - it's zero C -

walk across the family room / lock the doors
my boots heavy across the oak floor

see - when i get up in the morning i get dressed
shoes & all / always / have to have / shoes on my feet
this morning i put on my boots / lace up with a zipper on
the side / not knee high / across the calves


i have decided / there will be no more talk of war
my husband says / the war is justified / that's just
the way it is / / i argue / / i am wrong

i have decided / i will not feel the pain any more
there is nothing i can do / hate is too deep

snow frosts the front lawn / edges of the stairs
along the drive way / sparkle / diamonds
hate this winter / / i have decided

i will only think of you / remember
standing in the shadows / smoking cigarettes

you are my passive verb / tense with

why do the words escape / this head is too heavy
fingers frozen / a series of incomplete thots

i hard lee remember my own children /

this mind is obsessed

Registered User
(11/23/04 11:10 am)
Re: just don't care any more
still reading you

love the added movement

capriccio dei juniperi
(11/23/04 11:18 am)
Reply Re: just don't care any more
wee, all this stuff is really yummy! me jealous, get a job woman!!

ms finch
Registered User
(11/27/04 3:29 am)
Reply | Edit
two november nites - pianissimo - in o's

end of november shows up
cold blue bitter

& it falls / worried
dry snow / a million million flakes
of frozen time /

this earth never stops spinning

stop / stopped - stepped down –

i wish to dis em bark now / this ride's too fast for me

street light wears a white orange
halo / eyes burn a glow ------ is this a sign? †

every thing holy crosses
along the centre of my gravity
the bit between ribs & hips

wear this cold autumn sash low
to cover the scars / / words burn holes
in my - in my - in my . . . i for get now

talk about perpetual motion
& honest tea / shot of scotch
to loosen the sole /
found on the bottom
of a broken shoe / /

/ stik.stik.stik
how the lino floor sounds in the kitchen /

*daisies in my eyes
yellow centres / white petals
i'm blinded by flowers *

just a moment while i turn my back
rip me to pieces / you can

turn the piano book upside down
& follow notes a cross (holy trinity)
the page / clef be comes treble clef
strange lee / notation be comes
a beautiful †

sound - yes / skips in to my nose / down the back of my throat /
not to be / to be / salt / but i do not / care /
b flat is the note of my soul

Edited by: ms finch at: 11/29/04 12:11 am

tearful dishwasher
Registered User
(11/29/04 12:20 am)
Reply Re: this late month


Your voice is all fucked up and wonderful. Raw and vivid
and uncompromising.

Cool beans.



Registered User
(12/1/04 11:59 am)
Reply There are these bits in here
that stick to me, sculpting my hearing, my feeling -
things like

& i think / of the field of crosses
thick green grass / pressed against your chest
my back / voice in my ear

This sort of patch - & such patches occurr throughout the work - ache the voice, internal voice like a slope of the outer - ache the voice & voices awake. The pieces haunt - there's ominous, adjusting power in that...

Thanks finchy


Registered User
(12/1/04 12:00 pm)
Reply There are these bits in here
that stick to me, sculpting my hearing, my feeling -
things like

& i think / of the field of crosses
thick green grass / pressed against your chest
my back / voice in my ear

This sort of patch - & such patches occurr throughout the work - ache the voice, internal voice like a slope of the outer - ache the voice & voices awake. The pieces haunt - there's ominous, adjusting power in that...

Thanks finchy


ms finch
Registered User
(12/20/04 5:56 am)
Reply | Edit
help less to stop

& so 2 am arrives again

this is the official roll ing
to the other side of the clock

if i know you / you will be up now
searching for light in the early morning
it will be hours before any light bursts through
the cloud cover

i wonder what the ocean looks like
on this december morning / i'm sure the wind

blows in a mighty tide / oh those waves

because that's what waves do on the mighty atlantic
black black water / cold / ice filled
ocean of death

think of me when you brush your teeth
think of me when you finger my locket of hair

you are an eternity of shadows & ghosts
cutting in to the corners of my eyes

you are the salt on my lip
pearls in my hair

but i did not ask to be possessed by your god of
too many esses - - i did not ask to be mary

head begins to cross again †

i did not ask to be saved

i did not ask for resurrection

on my chin a red nebulous growth
another zit

middle age acne / / call it stress
call it chronic pms / / i hate my face
as my age bursts for ward
revealing in lines & pocks / how harsh this journey
how little i've care for

this temple / oh my body / dwelling of my soul

8 inch rule on all mirrors / any closer & i could be there
for hours / trying to resurrect a few black heads / some dry skin

clock tics 221 am - that is late / it is early

this time next week our xmas party will be rocking

i hope i make it through the celebrations
with out a headache or stomach problems
or the sharp stabbing chest pains i carry
around with me so often

i realize i live in this internal world
always looking out / but now being in

it's all in my head

obsessive compulsive
i grow jealous of jack & jenni
i bemoan to her on the phone
the other night 0 i wish i had a poet
who loved me / who wrote poems for me
told the world i was the lite of his life

no / / the man i love / / the man who gives me all this
i can't even let him read my poetry

i'm most afraid of what he will say / / can't take the critism
_+ i think there is so much raw me in my words / he would leave
how can i tell him of other love

how can i tell him to be kinder
savour these moments / / i walk around with a lone
sad tired face / brow furreled - as if i'm trying to think
it's a joke really / i reall y think i bring him down cause
i'm so sad and broken and tired and low functioning

so we smoke a lot of dope all day every day
so we only sleep to gether a few hours a night

upstairs those baby's roll & breath and bang bang the walls
this knees and heads 0 it must be heads / /

the crash of a bottle dropping to the floor

all this is old news/ all this is just every day
every night all this is what talks me aways from all this
which i can not get done / i can bearly read the words any more
my hands slow lee for get the keystokes

fabulouse is how i wish to be
but my hair is too long and scruffy
lotso knotso - - it's long and beautfil
red - but it must go sometime it must
part from me

enough about hair
enough about me

you - its' you i want to talk about

if you would only hold my hands & let me whisper
i'm dying / may be you would soften

may be you could remembe that some where some time
there was lust , excitement . you stripping off my clothes
now i can bearly touch you / i am afraid of the pain
of your entry in to my body - now you see

this night has gone too long
& i've said nothing even redeminglee poetic

these days i feel more like a women who's body is failing
the pain becomes to much / / but i can't quite cry about it yet
i carry a worry / / the what ifs / / & i love to see my children grow up

i love to run away to the arms of the my lover / who only drink & curse me
and made me cry / & yet that is not enough / /

there is a death to be explored main lee mind
it ends on a strangulation

i know the beginning & some of the middle

i don't know the terror yet
the horror of letting go with no struggle

but i know he would never do that / kill me /
for i have children small chilren / / & if he killed me
then he would have to kill other s
one always leads to another one

& then i would have a psychomaniac on my blood

i pray he kills no one
promise me i say on our last drive in to town

promise me you won't kill any one / because every
one has a right to be here - every one is a mother daughter
sister - - he just laughed me - - pinches my cheek & says

oh you are so sweet

i pray (whatever a prayer is to me)_ he prays to the right god - the one
who tells him it is a sin to kill for pleasure

/but it is / it is / it is the only crime he dreams of

what is this obsession i bleed nightly

Registered User
(12/21/04 12:01 am)
Reply Re: this late month

luv that

big hugs


Jenni Russell's Blog

Edited by: jenninot at: 12/21/04 12:01 am

Registered User
(12/21/04 12:50 am)
Re: help less to stop
it reads much much better to me when you use "i" instead of "she".

and this rang home:

i bemoan to her on the phone
the other night 0 i wish i had a poet
who loved me / who wrote poems for me
told the world i was the lite of his life

i remeber feeling this same thing once. But really poets are nuts, aren't they? and probably better to have a non-poet whisper sweet nothing into your ear really rather then say everything about you to the whole world, or to several on a list.

but anyway. I hope things are not as bleak as your poem portrays them, i hope you have the solace of friends and loved ones, and i hope you and your children are healthy.

all the best


ms finch
Registered User
(12/22/04 5:15 am)
Reply | Edit
stupid / sad / post / for a very ill friend
i am touching the floor of insanity

& you are turning white again

face / eyes / your skin

thin white skin / you

blend in with snow banks

& i am in grief / a preconceived notion

last spot devotion

ah & these words look odd again to me

she says / no it wasn't a stroke

it's brain cancer / / he's getting confused

body an explosion of muscles gone astray

he couldn't remember what he was talking about

@ all.

& this bird thinks / / i'm the symptoms

brain refuses to remember any more

i can't remember / gaps

you are so brave my dear tam
just deny death / / you been there before
all most crossed over / / some thing held you back
i'd like to think it's because we needed to be friends

i missed all the rest of your life / /

eyes a burn / a twitch of / oh for get about your pain
turn your self inside out a again / just be

perhaps it's only tired ness

i'd say / you think you're missing a party some where

i wish i had a vood oo d all & i would hold you together

wrap a bandaid around your crown / & say / / it's gonna
be okay / just fine / just right/ right as raine

just as you will die / so will i / you will take away
my confidances whispered to you in quiet conversation
never a judgment - just you carring

oh why does i have to brain cancer dear leopold
why to forsake me this way /. / muses are n't suppose
to die.

oh what a way to end the year / ill ness / death
terminal terminalism

& yet i'd have to say
i've never felt closer to death than i do right now
some thing about getting older / body brake down
failure to for get / how organic we really are

cancer reminds me of mildew in the garden
leaf rot / / it spreads / yellows / covers the leaves
in brown / black spots / spreads like chicken pocks in a grade
one class / / that what the cancer cells do / they go travelling

hard living is just that
hard living is just that
hard living is just that

you live hard / the body prays / pays
eventually hard living will kill you
eventually hard living liquor swilling
drugs / ah the debachery / hard to give up
eventually hard living will kil you

& peanut butter honey sandwiches are good
i know i just ate one & it was very sticky
finger licking sticky

and now black beans & beef with cheese & sour cream
& salsa with a few capers for the slight lee diesle taste

naturalpath say: eat protein before bed
that will stop you from waking up

stop me from being to fuking crazy

lost lucid lee / the mouth never stops moving

nothing of interest comes out of there

just a repeat repeat / /

of - hard to control the pressure of all these keys

that makes no sense at all / one more cigarette to think
& come through
here graciously

mean while the turkey thaws in the fridge
ulitily bird / so sure there will be a wing missing

there is nothing to be transcended from this view point

i will never get there /

there go - i went

there go i went

& it's so damn cold out side
sky is black / wide eyed blinking stars
big dipper's handle points straight down
in this north nite / lowt of winter

makes the fingers hurt

new year's day brought first sun
one missed by sleeping heads

oh such a blue sky / snow covered in diamond heads
flash bright / oh the sun glitters deceptive lee

scratches rips blood less fingers dry
sends muscles in to spasm of chill / squeeze d tension /
neck hurts / the back pulls tight / wait for july

wait for green / summer ah lush / flowers /
snow drops / under the snow /

i am she

yes you see / i am trapped in this mind
for all intense purpose / i am some one else

i am she / her / the writer / a man named steve
i am you on a good nite / her on the worst morning
of the month / depression darkness / bright & the occasional
smile / all these things / occur to me while i'm trapped

inside of this other person's mind / i think / really
i'm just an entity / an angel with out wings / dark man with out
his jacket of dark ness / dark man with blond hair / a pair of sun glasses

Saturday, January 01, 2005

for maximum effect / don't say any thing at all

can't get settled / some thing holds me back
not sure what it is / can this be any more vague

what i'm curious about it how words are become ing
sense less to me - - words are be come ing un familiar to me
words i've read a million times / words i've typed thousands of times

& sudden lee they look confusing / is that the right spelling
is there even such a word / / or / / i type one word / meaning an other

like typing fox in stead of max / / / fax fox max

tic toc tax

hands ache again // cold makes the body hurt

ah my own worst enemy / / look in to the mirror
& what do i see?

i see me looking @ me / / i am

for gotten forget / get for

wish i could think of some thing poetic to write

all things be come some thing


blech / a scab feels like a sliver
picked prodded / ah the poor sore finger

i wish i could write other than winter white
so biting cold / all i can think about is how the
cold freezes my lungs / can't bear to be out in it
finger s go numb dead / white / finger s dumb

sure these words / sense less to you / but
carry / in side / so much more than / / mean ing
mean ing less

low lying fear nags @ back of the brain
could this be the year / could this

the year becomes / ano ther number
2005 / oh shit / ano ther one gone

& these children grow taller / the older ones
i can't relate to their bodies any more / baby mother
cord cut / i no longer wash them / or wipe bums
i get shown body parts / sore toes / feet with warts
bruises cuts / / these little ailments we all must learn
to live with / the extraordinary ordinary / there must be a bit
of pain there some where / to sustain / keep / move for ward
certain lee the birth of pain begins be tween the legs
cries of the mother / shocking light

& these children grow taller / consume me
& every bit of food in the house / the priority
is to eat / & run / i am sad & relieved to see them grow up

an epiphany of the writer lee sort

this bother of editing has come to an end
what is the use / the purpose of ever editing any thing
except to show off / & then / st.ill there is no thing to show
no one will every read these / words so many surplus / poems / poetry

so then i wonder why it is i write / / cathartic / she supposes
as the writer slips back & forth from first to third person / you
can not remember who the second person is / / some how there is some thing
so predictible about the writer / it be comes a chore of epic proportions

& the read er must go to bed right now / because who really has time
to read the bound less / end less / oh what is that word / verbose

she just goes on & on - read a short poem / / besides no one could hear you
for maximum effect / don't say any thing @ all

i said

i said
i think i missed the day again
roll out of bed / crawl toward the edge of the bed

stayed in - last nite we stayed in
stayed sober / slept / you see i'm on
the wrong side of the clock now
complete rest requires 10 hours of
12 hours / do you ever get out of bed?

this is no hang over / life over
one morning i'm gonna get up &
see the sun shining through the back
window one of these days i'm gonna
wake up & the sun gonna be shining
mid day / high noon / glorious sun / beat
down on me.

but for now i must be content to watch
pink light on the mountains across the valley
oh those south facing slopes