Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Jan 29, 1903 to Feb 15, 1904
Jan 25, 1963 to Feb 12, 1964

Rabbit people love to play under the moonlight. Quite fanciful, they respond to the power and beauty of nature and are always being pulled one way and the other to examine what they find. They are the luckiest of all twelve signs! But, it's more a result of "the harder I work, the luckier I get" than taking crazy chances. They are cautious, conservative, bright, and have a good head for business. Supremely pleasant to have around, these affectionate, naturally shy peacemakers seldom ever lose their temper. They sometimes appear to be singing the blues because of a natural but short-lived tendency towards despondency. Rabbits always inspire deep admiration and trust.

Ginger Soup and Ginger Noodles are among the keys to good health!!

High on a mountain bluff, the Water Rabbit enjoys the immensity of solitude. Like typical Rabbits, the Water Rabbit is quiet, but don't let this fool you. Water Rabbits are always STRONG silent types. Beneath the passive reserve lies a smoldering ember ready to enjoy life to the fullest extent possible. In solitude there is peace, spirit, nature, strength, music, and a strong philosophical current that keeps anchor in the soul of Water Rabbit. The Neon and Glitter People truly admire the Water Rabbits for their individuality, not unlike that of the lone rugged cowboy seen against jagged mountain peaks. Water Rabbits make friends easily, but have a tendency to be too trusting. Gullibility is not a safe trait to have! Water Rabbits are happy to find creative outlets through their very fulfilling careers. Their determination to rise to the top makes them well regarded in their fields. When it comes to making money, it's "easy come, easy go" - money just slips through their fingers and Rabbits gasp with bewilderment, "Where did it go?" Time to find a good financial advisor. "Easy come, easy go" is also the mantra of their love lives. Falling in love too easily leads to heartbreak. Once they learn to hold back and find true love, they throw away romantic interludes for love everlasting.

Famous RABBIT people: Hu Shih, Hu Yao-Bang, Kim Young Sam, Sally Ride, Leonardo Di Caprio, Frank Sinatra, Bob Hope, Arturo Toscanini, Leontyne Price, Clare Boothe Luce, Tiger Woods.

& the sky is perfect clear

so what does one do / once guts have spilt
out on to / the floor

this i give you / my heart /

& blood drips through my fingers

there isn't much to offer

i have taken all i have to give

now take this from me

talk about shape shifters

& funny how people don't see me

& how you looked right through me

walked right through me / & didn't notice

it's all i have to give / i hold my heart

higher / blood runs down my arms / body

pulses / some where you have for gotten

loaded down with / loaded / armloads

poetry / is that what you wanted

& i've decided that poetry is any thing
that isn't love /

& i give you strong emotion / / a thought
on the end of my hand as it moves between my legs
oh yes / you / quite the memory /
funny how people for get people /

& to day the weather turns / / again / closer to "that" side
of the sun / / & i dream of warmer climes / again / i dream

& to day / yes ter day / the realization / of absolute truth
a body of sickness / / what is this / i've been given

so the mind talks out loud again / always telling me
what it thinks / / & it thinks i should try to get better
stop fucking around / start taking / / care

it's the little things / a walk now & then / stretch the soul
less / / stress / /

but the body refuses / some how / it likes the pain /
it's taken some getting used too /

& up stairs / children / toss turn / & in my bed
a small brown boy sleeps / waits for his father to return
time time less in his small world / / a father who travels / /
we adjust in our infinite ways / he who comes & he who goes
always returns / / & see i don't wish for time to pass too quick lee

i rhythm out / distorted / / heart beat
feel my own tired ness / move slow est

i can't hold back time / no matter how hard i try
yet / they say / some say / time heals

& i'm not sure if i believe that now
because i think i've for given / for gotten
those tres passes / over it / doesn't bother me
any more / /

it's the sins // body me this / / my own past
can't be for given / / & mesh this out

gone now / / most of it blur / blur catches up
coats the eyes / weakens

up stairs in the white tile bath room
the heater runs /

& you know / i think i'm in love again

love with no thing to offer / in love with
the idea / the thot / the may be

what is my holy trinity /


Tuesday, August 30, 2005

nite bit / after the crazies pass / & the moon is gone

& i am echo / again
this day wraught / with aching gut

& thunder storms / lightning morning
/ crack crack crack / & the day pours gray
a cross my tongue / in to my throat
in to the pitch of my belly

gray sits there / / heavy load / /

one wonders if it's grief / perhaps only guilt
what was that time again / & again /

& you see / late lee / i've been smoking
cigarettes for jesus / consorted effort /
some thing like that / makes it hard to breathe

& that is / the biggest cloud / oh so gray / of all

a long term effect of / a long term memory

some thing can't be for gotten / this thot in a manic moment
of course they can

& i for get over & over & over again / / i'm that guy in the movie
the one who can't /

tonite / clear sky / black with stars
moon gone / after nites of light ness
& the sound of rain / rain after the rain
falls / drips /from the eternal / internal
forest of cedar / & pine // temperature
drops / cold / twist in to autumn

& i wish

for a lack of censorship / that one voice
the one who won't let go / tight grip
hold fast to secrets / don't tell the
hearts story / / time distorts . / & i am
fall ing a gain / a gain / i am.
fall ing a gain

so the chest tight ens / pulls in /
presses high in to the mind / a mind
that won't stop / think ing / & i'm
think ing about / you & you & you

all ways / a sea of faces / all ways
a name i can't remember / / time
once removed / /

& i grow weary of children / mother patience
worn / gone away / can this summer be any
longer /

can this summer be any shorter

& i make plans for next year /

Monday, August 29, 2005

sound mind lost / & something for lorna dee

some nites i just smoke in my office
when he's away

little habits we form / time alone / apart

one learns to live this way / & it is ok

to be alone / for i'm never really alone
with all these children

there is no war / except the internal one

weather holds stead / fast / autumn comes
not one hurricane lurks / only st.ill air a gainst / blue sky
oh the love lee days / / & on this nite

clouds look like fish bones / cut of waves against the shore
time / less / the days less now / gone toward winter

& yes / i mourn the loss of summer / time / well / spent
& some thing turns in side me / / body numbs more with time

& i've decided i won't be the pain any more

& tho i dwell in the valley of / dull ache /
house of my body / /

i will fear only / / waking / all ways / waking
i will only walk thru the valley of / / bolt up right

wake / wake / body never / / & i thot i slept just once
15 months a go / one nite i didn't / wake

but it's gone away now / / & now / / winds blows
the cotton wood / all ways the leaves / shussh / warm wind
cut of summer / / alls quiet / / except the rustle of the earth
such a funny place to be on this side of the sun / face away
to the nite sky / look out / eternal

stars all ways remember they are eternal / & i wonder

what about me / where's my eternal /

lost in a cold sweat / lost in an old man's dreams

last year / yes i think it was last year now

but i can't remember / / no no / / i can't

but no one hands it over / no / my eternal lost
for ever / @ least for this moment / it's gone

shallow / / & i should be running thru this valley
hot flash / of / jesus / i'm sweat ing / / hot / can't
get this hot / / & i search for a window / cold breath
of fresh / & this is who i'm changing in to ? /

i believe it will take more than serenity / more than
thots pointed @ the sky

& so i write more words / not important words
but words / none the less

summer : this side of the sun
winter : some where over there
discontent : only moments
this late nite : all ways nite
day : all ways dreams
lost : find the day
early : can't be done
finished : never
give in : no control

( i tried lorna / honest lee not an easy thing)

so i give in to cigarettes & weed / nite

when head floats above heart / looks down
disconnected / wonders about love /

thinks about lust & giving in / /


Sunday, August 28, 2005

un finished / story

norse phelps mcdaniels was born under a full moon / / all the numbers in birthday
add up to one / january 11 1971 / / the only child of mary and james mcdaniels
mary could never carry a birth to term / with the exception of her third birth
of norse / black haired / full lung red face scream
norse was born / named after his great grand father norse of the mcdaniels clan
the birth was difficult / mary had been badly beaten
by norse's father / one drunken james phelps mcdaniels laid his vicious paws upon
mary / for being a whore no less / / mary didn't know any thing about whoring tho
james beat her since she was 15 years old / the time he took her from her father's house

'now you be looking after this girl of mine. don't be putting up with any mouth from her.
just make sure she gets to church on sundays. she likes to pray that girl. "

you know, and her father placed her into the hands of james / & james's bottle called
sweet sally /

norse dreams to be a rock star / he's a melancholy baby / once he wrote
a poem

lolly pops actually melt / they are milk
i'm sad in this big world / yet no bones fall down around me

his mother is dead by his tenth birthday. cancer. grief surrounds him.
his father's hands surround him. fists they say. don't talk to me. me & sally's on a date
james locks himself in the basement with sally, the phone number to U-Need-A-Bottle
the remote control. norse brings him the tv guide every friday morning from the mailbox
until the subscription runs out about six moths after his mother's death. james never talks
to norse. nor norse to james. every night norse takes a sandwich and / or a bowl of campbell's
tomato soup.

why do you always bring me this shit. i want some real food damnit. he throws the hot
soup at norse. blood blood / it looks like blood / his face burns his hands burn / he feels
his father's drunken fist / his rage / drive into the back of his head / he feels his face hit
the floor / red red / black out.

after that norse couldn't remember very good / like for example he told me / he couldn't
really remember when james died / and that he certainly didn't remember putting rat poison
in old sally's bottle when james was passed out / rockford files blaring in the back ground
james garner was always james' favourite actor / he doesn't remember calling the police

i don't know what's wrong with my dad. he won't wake up. he's been drinking with
old sally in the basement. who sally? no that's just what my dad calls his bottle.
he's been drinking cheap beer lately. they deliver it. no. i'm sure my dad is dead or something. can you send someone to look? a doctor or something

& the whirr whine of ambulances shoots up carmine street. a police car shows up first.

Sodium Fluoroacetate (1080) is a water soluble salt of very high mammalian toxicity which is used mainly as a rodenticide. It is rapidly absorbed from the gastrointestinal tract but is not readily absorbed through the intact skin.

he's down here. my dad is down here. the 2 cops follow norse down the stairs.
james lays on the couch. there are 5 empty beer cans on the coffee table. four more on the floor.

"thirsty. i'm so thirsty. " james comes up stairs in the day time for the first time in months.
he stinks. he's red eyed. boy! get me something to drink. water. get me some fucking water.
i feel sick. "

with that james collapses to the floor holding his stomach. "oh my stomach. it must be cancer.
boy! where's that water. call me a doctor boy. make your self usefull for a change."

norse just stands there. he's not sure what else to do. (get him some water norse) so norse
gets him a glass of water. norse also pulls a bottle of old grouse from the cupboard. it was mary's. norse found it hidden in the kitchen after she died.

a teacup. she drank old grouse from a tea cup when she baked cookies or deep fried anything
like doughnuts. mary's mother's recipe. it's the only thing her mother ever showed her. 8th child from 14. on sundays. after church. mary baked. made sweets. sweets for my boys. norse's mouth water's thinking about those donuts with sugar sprinkle. just a bit of icing sugar. & theres some for your nose. norse was looking for sweets the day he found the bottle of whiskey. the same day norse found the poison in his father's workshop.


do you have any books about poison. the librarian looks at norse cold eyed. as if she's never seen him before. or can't be bothered to talk to a child.
speak up son. books about what? poison. i want to read about poisons for a report for school

i'm thinking about poisoning my dad. oh dear child didn't your mother ever tell you it's not polite to poison people particularly your father. oh where is your mother child. my mother's dead. my father killed her. now i'm going to exact revenge for her death. for these black eyes and these black dreams that chase me like poison . .

the librarian looks at him incredously. what grade are you in child? poison. a report about poison. what poisons did you have in mind?

well, actually all the poisons. um well i just want to write a report about what is in poison
what it is they give to rats and other pests.

the librarian stands up from behind her desk. follow me. i think we have some books about poison in the science section. are you going to be a scientest when you grow up?

no i don't think so. not a scientist. may be a poet. maybe a bird. i'm not quite sure yet. something that is free, that flies. something that doesn't know how to make canned soup.

i'm not sure 'mam. i'm only in 7 grade this year. this year. yes 'mam, i'm 12. uhuh. my mama used to say that to me too. beautiful blue eyes. eyes like the ocean. a face to break a ladies heart.

she hands him a book. thin grey cover. the same colour as elephant hills in winter. it's grubby. worn. it's bound with plastic rings.

Book of Poisons
domestic & otherwise
by R.L. Rawlings P.Eng

northwest engineering firm
field manual for disposal of rodents & other vermin

norse's head feels woozy. hot. he sits down. nods to the librarian. is this what you are looking for she asks? i hope it helps & yes thank you it helps. you have no idea how help ful this will be for killing that sun of a bitch. goddamn drunk that he is.

yes, thank you misses jones. you are very helpful. may be when i grow up i'll be a librarian, just like you.

oh, the librarian says. her face get red. all this and only 12. well what a compliment. she walks away, excited, almost turned on. oh missus jones you hot old bitch. i always knew librarians where hot.

if there's any thing else i can help you with young man. her good mood holds for the rest of the day. none of the late returns bothers her. she forgives susan millby a seven day fine. doesn't yell at the 4 teenage girls having a laughing fit in the reading room. even when jenni pringle comes in late at the end of her shift looking like her boyfriend has just mauled her, missus jones retains her - maybe i could get laid again. even when her bitch sister gloria phones her drunk at 10 pm complaining about everything. even when she thinks about her husband brian dumping her for her bitch sister gloria - -

if i was ten years older missus jones i would marry you

he opens the book to the table of contents.

arsenic - - - - - pg 7 - - - -

Sodium Fluoroacetate (1080) is rapidly absorbed fthrough the gastrointestinal tract, the oral route being the most important in cases of poisoning.
this poison must be handled with much caution by the poisoner



Symptoms and signs: begin to appear 30 minutes to two hours after ingestion. The first indication of poisoning is nausea and mental apprehension with facial twitching and numbness, generally followed by epileptiform convulsions. After a period of several hours pulsus alternans may exist followed by ventricular fibrillation and death. Children appear to be more subject to cardiac arrest than to ventricular fibrillation.

he opens the book to the table of contents.

his finger drops down down the table of contents

arsenic - - - - - pg 7 - - - -

ARSENIC also known as Sodium Fluoroacetate (1080)

commonly used as rat poison. arsenic is rapidly absorbed through the gastrointestinal tract, the oral route being the most important in cases of poisoning.

this poison must be handled with much caution by the poisoner

why are you wearing rubber gloves norse? james asks him. huh? gloves? oh - i was just going to clean the toilet. he pulls the bottle of old grouse from the back of the cupboard, just above the stove. he pulls the bayer aspirin bottle filled with white powder. it looks like icing sugar. he thinks licking his lips. thinks about those donuts again. i sure misses those donuts. unscrews the cap to the scotch. lifts it up to his nose.

oh the smell of whiskey norse. never trust a man with the smell of whiskey on his breath. norse tips the bottle to his lips. feels the burn of alcohol against his red lips, against his gums, along his tongue. gasp. no ma, i'll never trust a man with whiskey on his breath. and oh come here you bastard. hey dad. hey james. here's a glass of water for you. and here's that bottle of old grouse i was telling you about.

where did you get that from you little bastard. holding out on me eh. come here boy, i'm gonna whoop your ass you little fucker. he lunges at norse. no. never trust a man with whiskey on his breath. no dad. no dad. don't hit me dad. here let me pour you a drink. here. here have a glass of water first dad. here have a seat. he pulls a chair up for james next to the kitchen table.

the pain in his belly is unbearable. the thirst is unbearable. give me. give me. give me that water. & some anti acids. get me some malox boy. your mother has some in the upstairs cupboard. a bottle of it. get it for me. oh my stomach is burning. what did you put in my food you little bastard? you been feeding me rotten food boy. your mother was always trying to poison me too. hurry up with that malox. my belly is burning up.


Symptoms and signs: begin to appear 30 minutes to two hours after ingestion. The first indication of poisoning is nausea

his lips are chalky, malox is dried to his chin in a beard. oh god this pain. i gotta stop drinking. this must be god's punishment.
james i wish you would come to church with me. the father has been asking after you. i told him you've lost faith in the church.
you fucking bitch. i show you faith. his hands wrap into fists. face contorts. red. anger. say your prayers now you little bitch. fuck this father.

our father who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name

my mother always cried when he pounded on her. all she wanted was love. church gave her that love. james took it away from her. my father was a bastard. right until the very end. at least i think it was the very end. i can't really remember. my memory is not so good

yes must be punishment. can you even remember how many times you beat me. no. no. and now you beat that child. still you beat that child. why would you want to kill us like this. why so much pain james. why? and james begins to cry. just one tear. hard to squeeze out much more than that. may be it's all the pain in your belly. you faker. you don't cry. oh mary. mother of god. i'm soo sorry. so sorry. mary looks at him with black eyes. looks at her child. rot in hell demon. james buckles. intestine twists burns. ohhhh. fuck.

norse you're mother is here with us. look look. she right over there. she crying. can you see her. right there.

i don't see any thing dad. nothing at all.

mental apprehension with facial twitching and numbness,

geez you don't look so good dad. feeling really rotten eh. you deserve it. puts his hand to his face. still. even now. months later. his face hurts. dull ache. come on dad. let me help you down stairs. you can lay on the couch. are you sure you're okay? you keep winking at me. are you sure you saw mom? cause i don't think you can see mom any more. i don't think any of us can see her any more.

distortion - about a song

ya so you see i wrote this song called distortion. i think it was after a bad dream i had. something about when my dad died. you know both my parents died when i was a kid. yeah i was pretty young. my mom died when i was 10. & my old man, i think he died when i was 11 or 12 or something like that. i can't really remember. see, i took this fall when i was a kid. knocked out a bunch of teeth. there is still numbness oh the side of my cheek bone. i remember my dad, his names was james, i remember coming to, he was holding me. wiping blood off my face with a big red cloth. his face looked so distorted.

open your eyes you little fucker. i'm gonna go to jail if you don't open your eyes. they are going to know i did this too you. clot. blood. black. ohhh it hurts. his head. his eyes. his face. dad?

i donno, i think he was freaked out. it was right after my mother died. i fell down the basement stairs, banged my head. ever since i just can't think right. not always mind you. mostly if i'm stressed or something. it's like. i blackout. can't see a god damn thing. can't remember a god damn thing oh it's too hard to describe. mostly i just write music. distortion is a great song. i wrote it after i woke up from a dream. night mare. hey boy. looks like you gonna be eating soup for a while. oh your poor mother, she'd be in tears if you she saw you with those teeth missing.

DISTORTION© lyrics by Norse Phelps Mcdaniels

you know you're not my father anyway
mary made plans, made her get away
and you just pound on her dear soul
you pound on my dead soul
oh oh oh oh yeahhhhhhh

your face is distortion
i know it by proportion
yeah distortion
yeah distortion
your face looks like an abortion

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

what? the abortion? oh yeah the line in the song. well. it doesn't mean anything really. i just thought it sounded good. controversial or something. ya ya distortion rhymes with abortion.

you know boy i'm surprised you weren't an abortion too. your mother the holy slut. i caught her down there at the abortion clinic. dragged her ass back home. gave her the beating she deserved.

you want an abortion bitch. i'll give you an abortion. full blow to the belly.

the immature fetus is still relatively safe at ten weeks from the effects of blows to the body such as a fall down a staircase or even a traffic accident.

bam. bam. bam. one two three. joe boxer. so you want to kill the baby. like you killed all them other babies. bam bam bam. mary lays on the floor of the living room groaning. blood pours from her mouth. her lip. my lip. my lip is bleeding. puts her hand to her mouth. finger inside her mouth. tooth knocked out. front tooth. toothless bitch. toothless wonder. amazing how i can stand the sight of you. must be good for something. bam bam bam. on your knees bitch. let me show you a little prayer. his dirt stains her mouth. bitter. and he oh oh ohs. oh precious mary. he zips up his pants, goes into the kitchen and pours him self a drink.

our father who art in heaven

so yeah like abortion. well i don't really have any opinion about it. some people are for it. some people are against it. me i just like the way it sounds in a song. there used to be punk band called the abortions and i think it's a really cool name.

i don't know why my dad has been laying there like this. out side the red and blue. blue and red of sirens moaning and lights flashing. the cops are following him through the kitchen. who lives here? i live here with my dad. my mom? mom is dead. she died. cancer. a gun and a billy club on his belt. my dad is down here. a flashlight. wonder why he would need a flash light. he's not breathing he won't wake up. he's right down here. laying on the couch.

tv blares. orange curtains are drawn. gilligan visits the howells. oh lovey, would you pass that to gilligan please. i think he was drinking beer last night. no no. not this morning. i saw him last night. drinking beer. he said he had a stomach ache. holly wood laugh track fills the back ground. the cop doesn't touch james. just stands there. back and away. can you turn on the light down here son? some thing a bit stronger than the lamp in the corner. he pulls out a note book. what did you say your name was again son. norse? can you spell that for me. he talks into his cop radio. hey this 2949. is that ambulance on it's way yet? ginger runs her finger along gilligans t-shirt collar. the skipper mops his head. more laughter. the room smell stale. piss. beer. smoke. see you fucker. this room smells like you. this is what you will smell like to me. forever. dad. james. you are stale piss smoke beer anger. you are dead dad. and i am happy

do you think he's going to be okay. is my dad gonna start breathing soon. where is the ambulance. why aren't you helping my dad?

have you ever seen someone convulse. it's like really gross. it's like they shake and their eyes roll in the back of their heads. and they start choking too. sometime when people have convulsions they pee their pants. once i heard about this guy who pooped his pants too. really gross. well no. i've never actually seen someone have a convulsion. but there used to be this guy in my home room class who would have, like, epileptic seizures. and there was this girl who used to eat sugar, you know like, cause she said she was getting dizzy, blacking out. once she fell to the floor. i ran to the cooking room and grabbed sugar. i saved her life. i think i did. but no oo, i don't think i've actually seen someone convulse, like shit their pants or anything.

generally followed by epileptiform convulsions. After a period of several hours pulsus alternans may exist followed by ventricular fibrillation and death. Children appear to be more subject to cardiac arrest than to ventricular fibrillation.

he stands at the top of the stairs. norse listens to the grunt wheeze. oh my fucking god. his hand hits the table. empty beer cans. he gasping. oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

oh holy mary
full of grace

he sucks in his last suck of breath. norse sits down on the top stair. catches his breath.

when you meet willie in the bar - this is what he is going to tell you:

now here's the thing. will williamson at your service mam. willy willy. he's dressed in a sear sucker suit. he's smoking cigarettes. you see i made my money in serrated edges. you know the metal teeth on the cling wrap box. the strip that cuts the plastic wrap. well son. i make those. and lots of them. do you know how popular plastic wrap has become. never mind aluminum foil. personally i can't stand them. the metal teeth that is. i cut my self on them. could never quite figure out how to handle those boxes with out cutting myself. but you know they are a big seller. everyone whose flogging wax paper or plastic wrap or aluminum foil, all those big companies. well, they depend on people like me. the business man with an eye for business. like me. actually it was my old man who started the business. cutwrit metal. that's the name of my business. my old man. he left it to me. when he died. i worked there of course. the only job i've ever had. working at my dad's factory. started out just himself and 2 guys. now. well now you should see it. 300 people work in my factory. of course we don't just make the little saws on the plastic wrap box. we also make other things. important things. a few small things for the army. private corporations. they give us the blue print for the piece they want. and we design and build it. we make parts for guns. large guns. but really, all our money it's really in the plastic wrap industry. i mean, we don't do this all the time. a contract every now and then. there's a certain bolt we make, well it's not actually a bolt. i call it a do hickey. a sprocket or something. i'm not quite sure. the fellows up stairs would know what it's really called. but only a few of them. some thing the government uses in one of those top secret missions. may be it's a plane part. or a missle. i'm not sure. but boy, it's a good contract. look at this good suit i'm wearing. i have a closet full of suits just like this one. and hats. i'm really into hats. and canes. yeah. it's been a great year for plastic.


the weather turns ice
everywhere she looks / diamonds
frozen sparkle of winter / death

hey norse buddy. whatcha doing? i'm coming into this here party. i am i am. feels so good to be loaded. hey norseman. yeah yeah i'm coming oopsy doosie - i'm high as a kite. pete are you still with me buddy. where's the whiskey? where's those chicks we met before.

they're coming up behind us norse. the chicks are with us. fuck are they ever hot. man you are so hot. pete tightens his arm around norse's neck. gives him a noogie. come on the party's right up these stairs. kisses him on the mouth. i love you norse. brother.

the kiss feels good, kinda odd. he lingers on pete's mouth. oh sorry man, didn't really mean to kiss you like that. i just got all kinda, well you know excited. can taste you on my lips. like blood, spit is thick like blood. he wants pete to kiss him again. no no don't do it. god why do i have these thoughts. not gay not homo. oh. yeah . it feels so good. no it's okay man, i don't care that you kissed me, i know you're not a fag. we got these chicks with us. maybe you could. don't say it. suck me suck me. kiss me. he punches pete in the arm. pete throws his arm around norse's shoulder. yeah yeah. men kiss men all the time. besides who cares. we are punk! we are death needle! best fucking band in the under ground. best fucking band about to leave the underground

fuck this is a big house. stand at the gate. lower east side is four floors high. punk rock junk shock flop house. welcome to the Terminal. you never had it so good brother. never had it so good. rush of voices, bodies, the gang is all here. there's a party on the front porch. black abounds. spiked hair. drunk punks. music blasts from inside. the house shakes. norse feels it through his doc marten boots. he feels it through his grey wool socks that `chick sandy gave him when he lost all his shit to the skin heads. dirty good for nothing pigs. at least he got his boots back. the floor boards, the walls and windows. move. it all moves with a resounding thud thud thud. the big dark bass. norse feels it all.

Hey norse. did any one ever tell you - you rock man! you are the best front man a band could ever have. you can really sing. Death Needle rockkksss! oh yeah, he feels his drunken head fill with pride. pure wasted pride. love. they fucking love me. i knew someone was going to love me. there' was 700 people in that room tonight Norseman! some one said a rep was there. they were checking us out! can you believe it. & norse can't quite believe it, but the blowing hole the pounding in his chest, sucks in sucks out, fuck i can't believe how hard i'm breathing man. all he can see - is a sea of faces - arms, fists raised in rabid rythme.

oh yeah oh yeah
distorted distorted
got me so goddamn distorted
yeah yeah -

a giant choir. this is what is must be like in heaven. on stage. famous. oh god. please make me famous. i want it so bad. sweat flies from norse's head. lights flash on on on off on on on. spotlights tracks norse across the stage. fuck that chick is taking off her shirt. holy fuck. look at her tit's oh she's beautiful & norse runs to the edge of the stage puts out his hand to her. to her. marilyn monroe look alike. oh your breasts are so beautiful. he pulls her on stage. up up up
it's a struggle. oh fuck it's a bouncer.

oh yeah oh yeah

the audience moves together, a single beat. sweet sweat. air hums. i can feel your breath move me. pulls her close closer / around her bare waist. kisses her mouth.grabs her bare breast. squeeze. tight. smiling face turns to. why are you hurting me like this. why oh why. oh my breast. your squeezing my breast. she leans and kisses norse again. sticks her tongue in deep deeper. he doesn't stop squeezing. oh you slut. hot little.

oh yeah distorted. the fat bouncer in a blue polyester t-shirt - STAFF - grabs the girl by the arms. carries her to the edge of the stage. oh fuck. don't take her away. she is so beautiful. i just want a piece of her. the girl is gone. off the stage and gone. her shirt is on the stage. oh. norse picks it up. shakes the sweat off his head. audience. look at this. all these people. they love me. love me. oh i love you too.

oh yeah oh yeah
i'm so fucking distorted

norse you rock man. hey come upstairs to this room. i got something you might be interested in. me and rosco, you remember rosco don't you man? norse this is rosco, he's a drummer. rosco this is norse. best fucking front man on the west coast. you watch and see, rosco, norseman here, he's gonna take us off the map. he's gonna make us famous aren't you norse. some one said there was a sony rep in there tonight. maybe some other guys from another lable. big joe says they want to talk to us. ya hear me norse, we's gonna be famous. we's gonna be rich!

where's the whiskey pete, oh yeah, here's the whiskey. hey bro, never mind the sauce. this is what you need. try a line of this. or do you want to shoot it. me and rosco here, we are going hit ours, you want some brother. and mind goes into over drive. i'm only 16 goddamn it. hey did you hear they had to take some chick out of there tonight. she od ed. junk man. someone told me she was only 15. no way. nobody died. nobody fucking died in that show. sure they did norse. but that's got nothing to do with you. you're the entertainment man. who care about some fluff who thought she'd go punk for the night. who was it pete? did you know the chick. naw, i don't know any body. hey speaking of chicks. where's those two girls we were partying with in the band room. man you should see her rosco. she is fucking hot. i bet she'd fuck you norse. i bet she'd fuck us all. oh. she looks like marilyn monroe or something. did you see how she took off her shirt during the show. man you pulled right up there with you. i thought you were gonna fuck her right there on stage. what a show that would have been. norse feels a twinge in his cock. he looks around. rosco is mixing up a hit in a spoon. pete's getting the needle out. hey you guys go on with out me. i'm gonna see if i can find that chick or something. or something.

well, you know, i wasn't always just a punk rocker, like you know, i've been a gay man too. lived the life style. i mean it wasn't always about being gay, sucking mens dicks and running around with limp wrists. it was more like, he flips his hands over shakes them out. i've dated a lot of women. i've been to hollywood. hung out with the stars. sure i've walked up sunset strip. Sepulveda Boulevard. hollywood boulevard. there's a lot of traffic in LA - city of angels - i love that name. i remember the first time i ever heard that expression. city of angels. you know and it just seemed like such a perfectly wicked oxymoron. i mean really i never met an angel i didn't like or an alcoholic i didn't love. lol. i mean - - oh my hands are sore again. i get that when the weather changes. my fingers ache. i'm not sure why. i'm not really that old. i'll be 50 next june. but that's just between you and me. lights a cigarette. menthol. i've smoked menthol for years baby. i think they suite me. i've always been a long and lean type of fellow. kinda like norse. he was beautiful. he was gay too. he'd never admit it tho. silly bugger. always had a woman oh his arm. but if he had his druthers. i mean if there was a hot man in a room and norse wanted him. well. wouldn't matter if the guy was standing there with his wife. norse could always get him. he told me.

bertram if there is one way to a mans pocket book. you can be sure it's through his cock. nothing beats a good blow job. now suck me you silly faggot. & i'll play a song for you. taking you shopping. oh norse he was so funny. he always made me laugh. he treated me well. it was kinda like i was the father he never had. you know his father died when he was quite young. very trumatic you know. appearantly norse found him. choked to death on his own puke. whispers. can you believe it? i mean what a terrible thing. can you imagine? oh yes oh yes. that's common knowledge. cancer. well. one can say cancer, but if you ask me, i think his mother died from a botched abortion. but don't ever repeat that. oh i shouldn't have even said that too you. cause the next thing you know, it's in the papers, all those gossip columns and then someones yelling lawsuite - - do you know how hard it is too get a job wiping asses of half dead silent film stars. i mean, it's not hard getting a job like that with all the experience i have, they almost can't pay you enough to wipe cary grant's shrivelled shitty asshole. believe me i've seen it all. but i'm not really at liberty to discuss this with you .

i think we should just stick to norse. talking about dear norse. oh i'd give my left nut to wrap my arms around that boy. so beautiful. the bluest eyes you ever saw. and smooth. but you know not very street wise. well street wise. yes he was street wise in that punk rock sort of way. but money and business, oh poor norse. he just could never figure it out. you know and especially after he went big. you know REALLY BIG. oh i remember. norse everywhere. magazines. you couldn't turn on the tv and NOT see norse. always smiling. such a rakish smile too. the cameras loved him. and norse he loved the camera too. there's nothing he wouldn't do for the camera. okay baby, just turn your face to the camera. oh such a sexy boy. here comes papa. okay be a good boy now.

well i should n't really tell you this and this is strickly off the record. but norse shot porn for a while. just before he made it big. actually that's where i first met him. i was caring for this old bastard, i won't say who. just some hollywood biggy who was really into boy porn . so much he made his own movies. like the old prick didn't have enough money. he made a killing. & of course it was just when

well i should n't really tell you this and this is strickly off the record. but norse shot porn for a while. just before he made it big. actually that's where i first met him. i was caring for this old bastard, i won't say who. just some hollywood biggy who was really into boy porn . so much he made his own movies. like the old prick didn't have enough money. he made a killing. & of course it was just when norse was first getting into the business. well, he wasn't really in the business, he was just hanging around with a bunch of punk rock junkies. but you know he was broke and well, you know - these things just happen sometimes- i mean i'm eternally gratefull for the fact that norse went into porn or i would have never met him - i mean norse was never hard cord - he never took it up the ass or anything - he was more like the pretty boy fluff that sat along the sidelines.

& see the different between norse and all those other boys is norse well he wasn't as wrapped into the junk as the rest of them. he didn't really like needles. he always told me needles give me the willies, i don't want to get high & lay around with all them bastards on the floor reminds me of my old man or something i want to go keep the day moving i want to feel the sun on my face

come on you guys get up. norse stands over pete and some chick with with skin that's a bit too white. hey pete come on, kneels down grabs pete by the shoulder. pete's fully dressed. leather jacket . jack boots. pete looks pale too much too pale against the black of his dyed hair. against the red of his lips. such red lips oh norse leans his face close in to pete's. hey pete, pety boy wake up me lovely. pete's eyes twitch behind his eye lids, a dream cuts off dilated irises. taste there is a taste. bitter. twinge of arm. blood shot. oh your lips are so red petie, i could just - leans in, brushes his lips against petes' lips. norse wets his lips, his tongue hungover dry, damps his lips leans in closer closer. oh pete rests his mouth on his. twinge flickers in his belly. petes eyes start to flutter. hey petey wake up brother. and pete can feel the heat of norse's breath on his face. open his eyes

dim dim, why is it so dark in here norse. what time is it? oh my stomach doesn't feel good. and my arm. my arm hurts norseman. norse leans in to hear him. petes voice a dry whisper his breath like sour peaches lips so red, like red rose, sleeping beauty, his browns eyes foggy, pupils wide in the dark room. oh my arm.

norse pulls back looks at the girl. so pale so white. hardly looks like she's breathing. the girl is on your arm pete. it's fallen asleep im sure, just pull it out from underneath her. norse starts to push the girl off petey's arm. heavy. why is she so fucking heavy. dead weight. norse leans in to her face. what's her name petey? what's the chicks name. i don't think she's breathing petey. look look and petey pulls his arm from under her sits up. looks. oh no the on no feeling goes through both of them. norse looks around the room at the other mattresses strewn around on the floor. some punk in a mohawke naked rocking on some girl. white legs spread. her eyes closed. moaning ever so quiet ever so present. snoring some fat old punk snoring. like his last sleep ever. a girl next to him rolls over and puts her arm around fatss. pete i don't thinks she's breathing. he whispers to pete a chattering choked whisper. she's not doing so well. look she puked. fuck. she puked on my fucking arm norse. oh god. petes turns his head and heaves. norse rolls the girl on her belly, face askew, neck crooked, one sleeve still turned up a line of bruises black dots along the back of her arm. norse pulls a grey blank over her.

fuck norse let's get out of here. yeah yeah, let's go. he puts his hand on the girls face. it's cold. waxy almost hard.

image of his father flash flash. kiss your father goodbye, his aunt lydia standing arms crossed. kiss him goodbye norse. kiss your father goodbye. his father's check cold hard unforgiving. later when he asked aunt lydia why his father's cheek was so hard she told him. it cotton honey cotton baton. that's what they put in dead people's mouths so their faces don't cave in. so they don't look like they are dead. that's why they take the blood out of dead people too so they don't get all bruised looking, start to rot. oh yes the dead will rot in no time if you give them a chance. i used to date a undertaker when i was a young girl. he insisted i call him the funeral director, but when you're draining blood norse, it's more than just directing. i thought your father looked a bit stiff my self. ridgid. poisoned is what came to my mind. those rats i used to find poisoned in my father's chicken barn. seized right up. sometimes the cats would eat the rats but only live rats. cats are smart they can smell poison. always be care ful of poison norse. your mother used to insist on keeping rat poison around the house. i told her. mary up high. keep that stuff up high. poor mary she was so afraid of rats. terrified really, father used to make her take a bucket and pick up all the dead rats in the barn. once she stumbled into a nest of dead rats. i swear she screamed so loud they could hear her on the other side of the river

what did you give her pete? i donno man, we just got high, we all got high, she was okay when when layed down at least i think she was okay, oh fuck. you gotta smoke norse man? norse pulls a pack out of his inside jacket pocket. yeah man i think i gotta couple left. the two punk fucking roll over he lays on his back cock in the air, she climbs on top of him. skirt up no top. she looks over at norse and pete. wanna fuck too, yeah says her boyfriend you wanna fuck too, i can suck you. no no, man, we are getting the fuck out of here. norse looks down at the dead chick. we gotta get going. we gotta gig tonight. oh yeah norse you guys rock. the chick gets up off her boyfriend and goes toward norse. hugs hims kisses him. oh yeah norse i love you you are the greatest. looks at pete you too petey, hugs pete. pete grabs her breasts kisses her hard. oh you boys are you sure you don't want to stay with me and jim. i bet i can make you feel better than she did. she glances at the girl. naw naw pete and me gotta go. you two go on with out us. come'on pete, for fuck sake brother we should go now. pete is humping the naked girl. her boyfriend watches pulls back the blankets and begins masturbating. norse looks at the dead girl again.

come on pete. NOW! . and pete gives him a sheepish look, unglued. i'm becoming unglued norse. just a minute i gotta find my stash before i go. he pushes the naked girl away, she falls to the floor, fuck i gotta find my shit. look in your pockets pete come on don't worry about it. it's probably gone all gone. we'll get you some new shit. there's always a gram around the corner. he pulls on pete's arm. pulls pete through the door. pete trips norse catches him. full arm swing. face to face. norse kicks the door shut behind them without breaking eye contact with pete.

face to face. norse kicks the door shut behind them without breaking eye contact with pete.

he grabs pete by the hand, navigate the hallways of the house. fuck this house is huge. and old. ghosts it's full of ghosts i can feel them. there are three doors at the end of the hall, i think it's this one norse they go through the door step over sleeping punks. a dog growls somebody has a fucking dog in here. keep moving pete the other door that one there will take us to the top of the back stairs.

*historic note

the Terminal @ 1421 Terminal avenue was originally built in 1924 by josef oreillo for his wife and nine children. it stayed in the family up until 1986 when josef died and his children put the house up for sale. bought by an off shore company based in hongkong the house became a rental unit.

hi patti - how are you?
i have a question for you. do you remember the terminal and randy taylor who used to live there - at one time randy would give the 2 bit tour of the terminal - it was a great sprawling house built in the 20's. it seems to me there were several halls and corridors and an assortment of odd rooms that had been added on one addition at a time. - i remember there was 2 staircases to upstairs and there was a boathouse in the back because someone built a boat in there once (before the punks) i was wondering if you or mark or any one else could give me a bit more history about that house - is it still standing?

you know norse the trick is to keep moving through it. yeah just keep moving i'm always moving. acknowledge you are high and the universe will be yours and only yours. sitting under the bridge the viaduct. shelter from the rain. give me shelter. hey you guys mind if we share your fire? fire in a barrel 50 gallons hey that don't look like no 50 gallons to me. laughter. naw man it's a 20 gallon drum man, we cut it down. ya did not. we found it like that. no no man we don't mind at all - you got anything to drink, anything to share. sure man i do have something, a little something. pulls a heel, golden heal from an inside pocket. it's a bit of whiskey or something, lid off, bottle to mouth. warm burn. norse hands the bottle to pete, pete takes a swig, gags, begins to retch, hey are you okay there petey boy? hey hand that bottle over here, man don't waste that shit, i won't gag, didn't your momma teach you how to swallow? where did you learn to drink man. and pete is still retching, heaving, hand over the bottle man and the guy, the rubby, hey fuck man take it easy. here take it norse says, we don't need any more of that shit right now, too sick, hey pete you okay, rubs pete's back. pete can't stop heaving dry heaves, oh my guts norse, i feel like shit, like i'm gonna die, like that chick that chick back there.

hey man you ain't gonna die. we got too much to do, yeah but i'm older than you are norse, i've lived way more and harder than you have. fuck that pete, you're only 5 years older than me not even - you're only 22 - you're just feeling like shit man, it's been a rough night. that chick. that dead chick. & the other one the other girl who od'ed at the show last night. fuck man everybody is dying. it's too much death pete. we gotta get out of this scene. what do you mean man? done? we've barely just started, he looks at norse with a smile. oh that beautiful smile i love that smile. pete i love you. i mean, i really love you man. and pete turns and heaves hard ribs crushing pointed pain through the chest almost feels like a heart attack but it's not, only a body playing this is enough.

now i can't remember exactly when norse shot his first movie, i think he was only ever in 3 movies, willie preferred to keep norse arounde as eye candy. oh gotta have something sweet on the eye, something to cheer my sorry old spirit. that's what he'd say about norse. norse cheered him up. he didn't want to see any thing nasty happen to norse. and i mean for a closet case fag who loved to see nasty things willie couldn't be that way with norse. norse became his friend, ate supper at willies table, was introduced to willies straight friends. i believe norse even slept with willies wife. well there wasn't much will could do for her now, could he. silly old fag that he was. you and the funniest thing was willy ran with the big boys, the law makers and the politicians, all the big corporate dudes. you know, willie was an industrialist himself, i'm sure he had millions, hundreds of millions. plastics that's what he said. he made his money in plastics and serrated edges. you know those metal edges on plasic wrap, well his company made those, they still do. big money in serrated edges.

but you know, rumour has it, willies company built devices for nuclear weapons. that's really how he made his fortune and his connections

PARKER WILLIAMS RESOURSE LABORATORIES - Located fourteen miles north of Kansas City, Missouri.
SIZE: 13 acres (11 acres of process buildings covering 250 thousand square feet)
BUDGET: $232.6 million (100 percent defense-related) (2001)
EMPLOYEES: 58 [federal]; 1,433 [contractor] (as of July 13, 2002)
FUNCTION: Produces or procures electronic, electro-mechanical, rubber, plastic and metal components for nuclear weapons, including arming, fuzing and firing systems, radars and coded safety locks known as PALs (Permissive Action Links).
RADIOACTIVE MATERIALS ON-SITE: 1.2 grams of plutonium
CONTRACTOR: Boastwell Federal Technologies & Manufacturing, a division of Almond, Inc.
FORMER CONTRACTOR: America Big City Division of Morely Inc. (formerly Morely Big American Corp. ), 1949-2000

norse and pete walk away, stumble away from the fire, the rubbies, through broken glass garbage. graffiti covers the wall hey pete this is where we should paint the cover of our album. you know spray paint our names and take a bunch of picture. it would be so cool. we gotta get practicing more man. maybe we should get roger and morrison to move in with us. just have a band house. set up in the living room - fuck the neighbours. we gotta write a few more songs. you know last night i went for a walk during the party, i met that marilyn girl walked her home. did you fuck her. no no i didn't fuck her, she kissed me though. she's hot. a nice girl. she's staying over at the crash on francis street. she told me they got a band room in the basement of that house. mattresses on the floors and walls, sound proofed man. maybe we can start practicing there

well dora what do you think? that boy he seems so odd. well he's bound to be odd, look at what the child has been through. first mary and then james. i knew i should have stopped in more often after mary died, but well you know how it is. i get so busy. plus the church takes up so much of my time. i suppose i should have dragged the child to church with me, but you know james was such a bastard, i hated to stop over. right after mary died i stopped by. but james was so drunk and terrible

what do you want you nosey bitch, there's nothing here for you any more. you're looking for more of mary's things aren't you. you think i didn't see you rifling through mary's handbag when she was on her death bed. she'd hardly drawn her last breath and you dumping out that damn purse on the table. taking mary's last precious dollars you were.

no no james it wasn't like that my dear. i was looking for her birthcertificate. i've told you that before. i didn't need mary's last change. besides there wasn't anything in there anyways. i suppose you took every last cent she had before she ever made it too her death bed you bastard. living on the hard work of a frail woman. she worked hard every day of her life for you james mcdaniels. scrubbing floors that woman kept house for the rich folk so you could have your drink and your temper

don't you talk that way to me woman. it nothing to you that i fell on hard times with the mill, you know that. who the fuck are you to tell me about working you whore, you fucking bitch. now get the hell out of here.

i want to see the boy. where is norse.
norse ain't here. he's at a friends house.

how is the poor boy. have you been looking after him

what damn business is it of your's. get the hell out of here. before i call the cops.

and you know it was the strangest thing, i felt scared. but not for myself. suddenly all i could think of was that boy. poor little norse. he has the most beautiful eyes, that child. blue as the ocean on a sunny day. bright blue and a smile to make a woman cry. poor little dear. - i left of course. turned away from the door. he slammed it behind me

and don't come back you old bitch. mary never liked you anyways!

when i got to the gate i turned and looked back at the house, and in the upstairs window there stood little norse. he was waving at me smiling. a sad little smile. his face looked bruised, almost distorted, swollen. like he'd been beat up. but he just kept waving and smiling and he blew me a kiss.

she crosses her self, turns and lets herself out the gate.

when i got to my car i looked again. but norse was gone from the window. i was going to call after that, but i just never got around to it. you have no idea how relieved i was when i heard james had a heart attack. i thought. well then. there's some redemption after all isn't there.

what do you think? should i take the boy in. really he has no where else to go to. i think that child needs some love.

hey aunti, it's me norse, just say yes, accept the collect call it's me norse.

oh yes i'll accept the charges.

just say yes dora. well yes then i accept the charges, oh norse where are you child, i haven't heard from you in weeks. are you okay. what are you doing. where are you? have you been eating?

aunti settle down. i'm okay. i'm better than okay. i've got a job. yeah a real job. doing make up in the movies. i met this guy. he got me a job. well like it was sorta a modeling job but i only did that a couple of times and the guy who's house it's at. oh my god, the house, the house it's the most amazing big house. this guy is so rich. he wants me to be his valet. it's so cool he knows all these other rich people and famous people. i've seen famous people at his house like really big movie stars. he throws these giant parties. he lives in holly wood aunti. i'm calling you from holly wood. can you believe it? i made across the continent aunt dora. i'm gonna be famous. who? the guy? well his name is will williams. he owns factories in kansas.

i hate it when i sit and get high. i mean i was standing when i got high, but suddenly i realize: i'm alone. there is only me.
clouds sock into the mountians
suck in to mountain every thing
white grey blue

real blue sad blue
last night the fog so thick
it swallowed the sky

stars & all / even the northern lights
star crossed swirls pulse lines across night

norse hears a knock at the door. knock knock bang bang. hey norse. let me in. hurry up i gotta talk to you. i'ts important man. norse gets up from the tv steps over the coffee table. walks to the door. bang bang . norse open up the door. alright alright i'm coming i'm coming. opens the door to petes pinned eyes. flushed lips. there's a couple of girls with him. hookers, waitresses something. not sure. hey pete how are ya brother. hugs him tights kisses petes cold ear. ruffles his hair. come on in. come in and sit down. he looks the girls up and down. shoe models. says pete. they work over at the number 5 orange. cute huh. makeup. look at all the good damn make up. nice shoes. hey welcome girls come in. throws open his arm to the room. what's your names? julie and debbie. nice. come in sit down. what's up pete? whatcha been doing?

hey norse i talked to rob. you know rob rankin. he's the guy at the gig the other night. he's a rep for 'little records'. he wants to cut a couple of our songs. can you believe that. he wants to bring us into their studios. record some songs. like five songs he said. we rock. he loved our energy he said. they haven't had a punk band with any promise for a long time. he thinks if we cut a few songs and got them distributed through the college music scene, he said it could open a whole world for us. what do you think norse? is that fucking cool or what.

norse stands there his hand on his stomach. where did you run into him man? oh in the number 5. he was sitting there with some guys on their lunch break. he came over to me - he introduced me to julie and debbie. he is very cool. he wants to meet you all of us. you me, tony and grit.

norse stands there finger in his ear. when are we suppose to meet him. feels a bit of wax a ball of wax on the tip of his finger. shakes his finger shakes his ear. wax looses. hang on man. i gotta get a Q-tip. clean my ear. i think theres a beer in the fridge. he walks out of the room. shaken . shake shake. oh my fucking god my legs are shaking. stomach feels hard. tense. like puking. norse goes to the toilet. opens the lid kneels. sticks his fingers down his throat. rush of coffee and toast sprays from his belly. norse heaves again. again. finally stands up and looks to the mirror. turn on the tap water. splash. wet the face. drink. he drinks from his hands. swallows the burn. rinses out his mouth. curdled. his tongue.

norse phelps mcdaniels. you are going to be famous. oh mary you would be so proud of your son right now. mama. i'm going to make. you'll see. going to leave this trash behind.

see the thing about norse is, every one who ever met him loved him. irrefutable charm. it's one of those things you can only have if you are born to it. not everyone has it. not every one gets it. norse used to make me a bit jealous, you know, i just wished i could walze into a room like he did and have every one in the room want to sleep with you. there wasn't a person in the world who would n't smile when they looked at norse.

that's why things never worked out for him in the adult film industry. he was just too beautiful. too beautiful to take advantage of him. although there were a few times i thought how much i'd love to take advange of him. laughs. i mean there were definitely times i slept with norse but you know, he wasn't like that, he wasn't really in to me like i was into him. we cuddled. that's one thing i can say about norse, no one could hold you or me for that matter like norse could. it was like he had magic eminated from his body. almost a presence of - oh it so hard to say these things with out sounding flaky but you know it was almost a religious experience touching norse. like pheromones or something. i really believe in that sort of thing. now pierre my secretary, he's always telling me not to talk about stuff like that, especially about norse, because he says people will think you are crazy patsy. well my name is patrick, and i go by pat , but you know how it is with old friends. it's a sign of endearment. Patsy. and then you know he pats my bottom. pierre is such a gay old ham. i tell him that.

what? well of course pierre knew norse. pierre has been with me for years. i my self have never thot of pierre in any other way than employer. but of course there is this definite love we share. i mean, he has sat beside me many times over the years and held my hand and encouraged me. pierre has been my rock. you know especially through the times with norse. it wasn't always easy. norse wasn't well, i don't know how to say this. for all his beauty and charm, he was, well, socially inept. he didn't have too many close close friends. he didn't ever like to let people get to close to him. but he had his reasons. i always assumed he had many many friends. which he did, but you know, when he lived with me, there weren't many people that he brought around. he preferred to be alone. he liked to have a few drinks. he liked to drink and sit alone. play his guitar and sing.

some times the drinking would get bad, well you know how it is with alcohol, it just creeps up on you. one day your having a few social drinks the next day you are being a complete bastard

your a complete bastard norse. why do you have to get this way, especially with me. i give you every thing norse. even when you have everything i still give you everything. i love you norse.
ah you don't understand patsy. you give me nothing you fat little faggot. you need to believe in yourself. why don't you believe in yourself? you have to do that first. and then you can believe in me. you're a nice man and everything, you've helped me out when i was down, got me away from willie and all that. but sometimes i think this relationship is going no-where. i feel like i don't even know you pat. like you are a complete stranger to me. it's like i'm ultra famous, and you're nothing. why do you hang on to me like this. i could call you a pile of shit and you would still come back for more. lapping it up. i'm not gonna fuck you patsy. not now not ever.

what are you talking about norse. good god, how many times do we need to have this conversation? it's the booze. it makes you so ugly norse. i'm going down stairs. we can talk tomorrow. you know and if you really feel that way about me and pierre, maybe it's time for you to be moving out. he closed the bedroom door. leaves norse standing there holding a bottle oh sweet sally how i love you dear when everyone has fucked me over i can still hold you near

norse swallows hard, whiskey bites the back of his throat, warms all the way down to his belly. oh hot geezus christ face hot. oh my face. catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. the mirror beckons his own eyes call him toward the mirror. smiles the face smiles at him. come here you beautiful boy, come closer so we can look into each others eyes. oh you are so beautiful. like baby jesus, but more, son of god. yes, yes you are the son of god, cut out in his perfection, you are the one. norse the one. there is a reason you are so famous. these people just don't know it yet. but soon, soon you must show the world who you really are. son of god. norse takes another drink from the bottle. steps closer to the mirror. he sees. mary? mama? is that you. i'm certain i can see your eyes. your eyes are my eyes mama. can you see everything that i see? look at all this before us - this is our gift our jewel. this is for you mama, well and aunt dora, who incidently is a fat cow, but has always been good to me. but mostly mama, this is all for you. her eyes fade in and out of norse's eyes. norse i love you norse. so sure he can hear her voice. can you remember your mother's voice. i pray for you mama mary. i pray to mary mother of jesus for you mama i'm praying for you and for me. god has answered so many of my prayers but you know there is so much work still to be done.
norse closes one eye, the mirror away from him. gone. gone. where is she gone. come back come back!

i'm sorry my father beat you so badly
i'm sorry he killed you dead
i'm sorry you made him my father but
what else is there left to say

i'm sorry so sorry
you'll never know how sorry i really am
cause i'd kill him if i had the chance to
i'm sorry for what goes around

oh yeah oh yeah

so like are those the lyrics norse. well yeah. something like that. i haven't got them sorted out yet. just yet. i saw my dead mother in the mirror last night. well you were pretty drunk norse. being drunk has nothing to do with it. i'm sure i would have seen here whether or not i was drinking the booze has nothing to do with anything. i know what i saw. okay so you saw you mother. were you frightened. no not at all. she told me what i had to do. you know i realize now. i'm special. not just famous. not just rich. i'm the son of god patsy.

well you know it was after that, things were never the same. evertime he would drink, he would lay this son of god stuff on me or who ever was around.

norse and the boys stumble into the waiting room of little records. norse opens close opens his hands clench clench clench. hey pete lets go out side for a smoke, how long is the going to be. & pete says hang on a minute i'll ask the receptionist, the girl behind the desk, she picks up the phone punches three numbers, hi rob, these boys what did you say your name was again death needle, oh, uh cool, yeah it's death needle rob. she looks the boys up and down they are kinda cute she thinks, nice black hair she says to pete, i dig mohawks and pete smiles at her and she smiles back and then looks at norse.

her stomach jumps, literally jumps like fear but something else. she is vaguely aware of moisture forming between her legs hot tingle urge to pee. oh blue eyes, such blue eyes, but there is something odd about him, his jaw looks crooked, mouth mouth crooked mouth. hi my name is denise but she can't say it. norse looks at her doesn't smile stares hard into her eyes and it's almost like she can hear him inside here head. it's like he's talking to her. can you hear me, but she knows she's imagining it. starts to laugh and petes laughs looks over his shoulder and says hey norse say hi to the pretty girl and norse nods, says hi, how are you and she says hi my name is denise my name is norse. a door off the waiting room opens and out steps rob rankin

hey boys it's so good to see you. i'm so glad you make time to come down. come in come in. the boys file in. rob closes the door behind them, hey fellows make your selves comfortable there's a couch over there. pull up a chair. does any one feel like a drink. there's the bar. hard stuff, beer, wine if you like. help your selves you might as well enjoy yourselves because i think you have reason to celebrate. i've talked to my partners and they've agreed you know i think it's so cool and i told them that - the way you guys just get the house hopping with all those tunes. it's so good just to hear some good old fashioned punk rock. you know the movement is almost 15 years old now, but you guys have what it takes. you are the epitamy of punk. you live breath play punk. and that carries through to your music, your sound i have to tell you when that naked girl got up on stage i just started pumping the air with my fist even harder. man norse you rock man - that chick was in love with you - every one in that theatre was in love with you. thats's what we want as a record company, we want bands whose fans love them

laugher goes around the room. norse goes over to the mini bar hey norse beer, beer i'll have beer, okay a round of beer for the boys. he opens the door of the fridge. oh yeah beer for everyone - he tosses them beers. crack crack crack foaming beers, laughter, oh yeah every one all the boys are happy, pete in grinning shit eating grin roger and morrison both grinning happy too laughing really funny, holy fuck we got a deal, oh yeah man we got a deal.

and you know, norse doessn't say much, it's all too much, oh my stomach fuck. the room seems sideways somehow. off kilter, on kilter, hey man do you mind if i take a shot of this whiskey here. no not at all no i don't mind at all go right ahead my friend. drink drink. we have tomorrow.

in 1988 norse's band went into the studio with rob rankin. this was the opportunity of a life time. they recorded five songs including the college radio hit single why i'm a punk. the boys thought this would be their leap in to fame and it was a very local level. every one in the local punk scene and any one who listened to college radio recognized the name Death Needle. why i'm a punk became the theme song for generation of punks.

you know this story is going nowhere. norse is a loser. he's a murderer. people die around him all the time people drop dead. like pete for example. he dies in a punk rock flop house. surrounded by people so fucked up they don't notice he's dead for at least 12 hours, until his girlfriend comes screaming out of the bedroom, no she doesn't even come screaming, she staggers out of another bedroom where she gone to hang out. she leaves pete on the bed after a big whack. she goes to the bathroom for gets to come back. the house is so big you could get lost in it for a week. when she discovers pete isn't breathing any more, she wanders back to the room where's she been high all night, does another hit and forgets to tell everyone else petes kinda cold on the bed. she doesn't want the hassle. so much easier to pretend he's still sleeping. although the "oh fuck" feeling does go through her stomach, but after a hit or two the feeling eventually fades into - she remembers her purse her bag her life is in the other room with pete - she's forgotten pete is dead tho because well she does - but now it is morning late morning early afternoon she ventures to think and the sun is full bore. all the curtains are drawn but it doesn't stop the sun from shining through the cracks seeping into the house at various points.

her purse in on the bed. pete is on the bed - hey pete move over you're laying on the strap to my purse, hey move pete and she shakes him. again. remembers. oh fuck - and the "oh fuck" feeling goes through her stomach again. like last night when she first realized that something oh fuck some thing is wrong. hey pete wake up. i'm sorry about last night i didn't mean to leave you here for get about you i just went to the other room to get a bit more high i didn't realize - didn't realize - you needed me. oh fuck i'm so sorry man and she starts to cry shook up she's all shook up uh huh and it hits her. her tear tap turns on her stomach starts to heave shake my hands my hands are shaking oh pete and she cries louder un til the cry becomes an urgent call. a complete breakdown this is all i can do right now and she runs out of the bedroom screaming. screaming who the fuck is screaming and she stands out side the door in the hallway with a dozen closed doors. pete she screams his name over over pete pete until eventually even the most stoned the most passed out professional punk rocker is roused from their sleep their highs their beings.

rubbing their eyes, scratching their bodys, what the fuck what the fuck. they all want to know what the fuck and they all think the girl is breaking down what the fuck is wrong with that girl who let that stupid girl in here who gave her the shit to get her - fuck is she ever wasted somebody shut that bitch off. someone finally asks her hey what the fuck what's wrong and she sobs. pete pete falls to the floor dramatically to her knees pounding the floor her whole body shaking with guilt high body deprived normalization. she is fucked up. pete's not breathing man. they scramble in to the room stand in a semi circle around pete the room gets fuller pushing from the back there must be ten people in this closet of a room hey no pushing let me see are you sure he's not breathing and it doesn't look good. his lips are dark blue face white. quiet pete is quiet the room is quiet only the sound of breathing nervous quiet breathing. pete is dead.

what to do with a dead punk. they all file back out of the room into another bedroom, a meeting a meeting what to do about pete. fuck don't call the cops no cops no body has a car we can't even drop him off at the hospital call an ambulance - no fuck no don't do that don't call an ambulance. lets just leave it for now. everybody go back to sleep. a couple of the fellows appoint thems selves in charge. we'll decide what to do we'll get it figured out. just don't tell anyone he's dead he died. the screaming girl is calmed by this point goes does another whack forgets her problems for a while longer -some go back to sleep - some wander off in search of food drink money - no one says any thing about pete nobody mentions pete - the bedroom door is closed. stays closed.

sometime after dark they roll pete up in a sheet and carry him out of the house. they go through the alleys only a couple of blocks. pete is left next to a dumpster behind a hottub fabrication building. they unwrap him, keep the blanket man don't leave it around him or they will figure out he was moved. pete lays on a blanket of fibre glass trimmings bits of itch. it covers his pants crunches under him. someone finds him a few hours later. call the cops the ambulance. another dead junkie. probably dumped from that house around the corner. christ almighty they drop like flies in that house. probably the best thing that could happen to garbage like this. i hate to say it but a what a drain on society. punks like this are better off dead. less strain on society in the long run and they tie pete's thin body to the stretcher load him into the ambulance down to the morgue

roger and morrison what about them ? you know it's the funniest thing no one ever mentions roger and morrison. in my opinion those two boys never got the mention they deserve. i'd say they are the two most obsure bass and drums combo in the entire punk movement & yet they are responsible for all the music written by death needle. of course norse wrote most of the lyrics.

morrison gigged as a butcher. roger was a waiter. they both died young. morrison fell into a meat grinder at his father's store and roger burned in a house fire . neither one of them could get out. of course this was long after pete died. and norse had made it famous. celebrity extrordinare'.

no no that's not true. morrison didn't fall into a meat grinder he only got his hand caught in it. right up to the elbow which would have been fine if he was a drummer but he wasn't . he was a bass player and everybody knows you gotta have two hands to play bass. the really sad thing is he hardly got any money from workers compensation. may be 50 000 dollars. which is not alot. when you lose your hand and arm up to your elbow. needless to say, this is beginning to sound like a very bad novel. first the missing hand and partial arm , then his mind. it made him crazy depressed. morrison drank. started hanging with the punks big time. he was never really in the punk scene but he knew roger from high school. morrison always had some apartment somewhere with a stocked fridge. because even if you hang with punks you don't have to eat like one, you know what i mean norse. i believe that a guy can have fun, but you don't have to be down and dirty all the time to have fun. like these old women where i work, they all come in and buy 4 strips of bacon or a half a pound of ground beef. may be a few sausages. they always say what a lovely boy i am. because i am norse that's for starters . the second thing is i can change my skin when i want. punk boy in a band on the weekends and clean cut butcher during the week. women like that. women like men that make money have money get money. women need men with money and women like men who are bad boys and women like guys in bands . i've got the best of both worlds norseman.

yeah until his hand ends up in the grinder.
what do you do then. hang with punks. spend your 50 grand on a few big whacks / a few big wanks. end up on the floor of the terminal shitting your pants - you have been so high now for so long and when morrison comes down and the money is gone and the cramps set in - - well - its' something death would wish for. his parents give up hope - - send him a few grocery gift cards. these cards suck. fuck can't even buy a pack of smokes with them. after a while most people don't really like morrison but he's an icon. he used to play with norse in a band, he was cool back then , back when his hand was still attached. at night morrison dreams about his hand playing bass and oh those fans screaming fans = they love him - - but the dream always always goes bad. the hum of the meat grinder - all the bits of cuttings bits of meat trimmings to go into the grinder. he dreams his own scream. screetch of the blades against the stump of his arm his scream wakes him.

heroin is not enough to kill the dream. his hand where his had used to be - he still feels the strings beneath his fingers wrapped around the frets up and down , music music i play music in a band.

he od's on his 27 birthday. fitting. just like hendrix and janis and kurt. kidney failure. failure to work. there will be no more cleaning.

roger died in a house fire. they suspect a cigarette in the couch.

roger died in a house fire. they suspect a cigarette in the couch. of course one can never be too sure about these things. the thing of it is, it was a known party house - like not a hard core party house but the folks that lived there weren't opposed to a bit too much wine with dinner on a friday night. they'd lived together for years in various formations. various mixes of girls and boys couples and singles a mellow group of friends past the bullshit everybody worked everyone contributed meals were communal chairs were shared beds girlfriends / lovers / the punk hippies with the long hair and pant skirt combinations. we are musicians man. i paint murals and walls and halls. i work in the movies. catering. lights i'm an electrician man. in the front hall are a couple of skate boards a few leather jackets, the walls are covered in graffiti, posters, oddities , game boards and photographs - i'm a photographer black and white i'm really into black and white it captures the true essence of the eye . . this is the grass smoking one step away soy milk replacement did you buy any avocadoes man, fruit i need to eat fruit bananas apples always a big bag of onions on the floor crowd and they are peaceful and they are cool

the house is kitsch / warm wood wild colors / heart the house if full of heart

until one night after a gathering some 25 people or so. somebodies birthday. wine the counter is full of wine and food bowl and plates and pots full of food - the warm smell of garlic baked red peppers, gastronomical vegetarian delight mmmm such good food and music all night music plays dance music music to talk to sing to dance to and more wine and joints and some one is passing a bottle of old grouse and joints the bong is fired up hash and someone made hash brownies oh those are good and would you like to do some shrooms they are good funny fuck they make me laugh make everything seem a little bit brighter and the evening progresses with much love laughter and light.

around 3 am pretty much everyone has cleared out - gone home time to sleep shit i've gotta work tomorrow i'm gonna be beat - hey take it easy drive carefully - the front door shut and locked. by 4 am everyone is passed out alone in the arms of their boyfriends girl friends. someones on the couch - its quiet in the house still - somewhere in the kitchen smokes rises from a garbage bag - it's next to the over due recycling - suddenly a small orange flame appears floosh crackle the bag goes up - someone dropped a hot cigarette when they dumped an ashtray - a long butt hardly smoked - it's burns quietly for a long time before a flame forms on the edge of the pasta box - it was good spagetti - organic - from pananchies up on hastings street - sure it costs a bit more - but it's worth it - made from spelt - good for wheat allergies - i like the taste better - there's a burning bag of garbage in the kitchen so far it's contained but not for long - this fire has no smoke - it's just clear flame burning hotter brighter - a thirsty flame - paper cardboard egg cartons, newspapers - the wall begins to burn - flames shoots up over the fridge - the five hundred and thirty seven plastic yogart containers begin a fat burn. the flames move along the ceiling down the curtains to the table - the flowered table cloth browns and then rises in ash - the table burns each layer of paint down to the wood - it's not an antique any more - fire wood - flames keep moving searches for oxygen - finds the pile of clothes in green garbage bags by the kitchen door waiting to go to sally anne maybe we should just burn all this stuff - in the back yard - no one would know - no no that's wrong - we'll borrow a car - we'll get roger to drive it -

plastic melts contents of the bags falls to the floor - smoke now there is smoke - thick black smoke billowing smoke - polyester cotton blend smoke - flames move onto the back porch - through the broken window bam bam crash - 100 year old panes of glass - burst - flame is now on the outside of the house - happy licking the cedar shake siding put on in the 60's oh it crackles - it takes no time at all for the back of the house to become now it is engulfed orange the back of the house is orange - and no one has noticed it yet - not the neighbours or early morning walkers - still there is not much smoke - fire fire buring bright

upstairs someone wakes up - a girl friend - she wakes up to take a pee wonders why the room seems so bright like the sun shining in so yellow & she realizes holy fuck the house is burning - hey wake up wake up the house is burning - - and her boyfriend wakes up suddenly sits up - another "holy fuck" he jumps up starts looking around - things to grab - what to take fuck it where are my pants and the flames begin to shoot into their bedroom - run run get the fuck out he yells at her and she opens the bedroom door - the hall is full of smoke - bang bang hey wake up in there - one fire fire - every body wake up there's a fire in the house - one bedroom door opens and they both go in - open the window quick fuck the house is burning - open the window and lets get the fuck out - - luckly there is a stoop outside the window a terrible old wooden ladder nailed to the side of the house - one two three four five of them come down the ladder smoke trails out behind them oh my god who's in the house - run around the front run to the front of the house - - can any one else get out - who else should be here - where 's roger? who was sleeping on the couch? fuck who's still inside - they run through the neighbours yard to the front street - - an early morning crowd gathers - fire fire everywhere - - sirens in the distance sirens - - the sky is pale blue early morning - pure pre dawn - when the city sleeps after a long night - - much panic ensues

every one accounted for / even the guy on the couch except for roger. roger doesn't make it out. they find him at the bottom of the stairs. not burned. crumpled as if he tumbled to the bottom of the stairs in a panic to leave. he almost made it. he could've grabbed his leather on his way out. but he died in stead he musta banged his head / the smoke the smoke all the fucking smoked killed him. the top of the house and the back of the house are gone / black burnt wood / the front porch / door bottom of the stairs on the mainfloor / posters were fine there were still coats hanging on the pegs in the front hall / boots everyones boots still lined up /
poster for a gig taped to the front door / "death needle" live at the commodore ballroom sept 28

okay so the truth is this. death needle never made it. and it's not because they died , cause the band died long before they did - - norse fucked off - he just plain disappeared one day - he saw an opportunity for something more than hanging in the punk scene in vancouver. tired of the punks and the junk and the death and the dirt and fuck i'd like to wear some armani for a change and eat a fat steak.

okay so the truth is death needle had a run a go at things. they rode the cusp of pysuedo fame for a year almost two. they recorded ten songs

father why
eat junk & die
bashing (uh huh uh huh)
pixie dust
west coast punk funk
death needle (signature song)
i'd rather wear armani
wish i was in compton
why i'm a punk (number one on college radio - 28 weeks in a row)

they released "death needle" alive but not well in 1988. turns out the boys sold a few albums 6 723 to be exact. but it was the advent of compact disc. well out of the pocket book of the average punk. little records and rob rankin chose tapes and records to carry the message. 2345 copies of the album were sold on tapes. 50 promos were sent out as well - - the promos were extended play 12 inch records played at 45 speed. they were printed on red vinyl. a large black cross with death needle written in scratch font was on the lable. they were very cool. destined to become collectables.

you know and they played a lot of gigs but some how they could never quite break out of the b bar scene. every once in a while they would pull an A bar gig you know the commordore ballroom or something, but you see it turns out the record rep good old rob rankin, well turns out he was a bit of a fish. cold eyed cold blooded and slimy.

the boys never received any monies from little records. rob promised a big payout - the boys were each fronted 250 bucks right after the recording. norse put 150 bucks in the bank and spent the rest on a party. morrison paid his rent. roger took a gram of blow and some blond he met at a party up to whistler for the weekend to see the moody blues. and pete, of course, put his up his arm, save a few bucks he spent on a bowl of chicken congee down in china town. really, the money didn't make much difference to the overall life or life styles of the boys, -

norse waited. he wanted something to happen. he could taste it. he knew it was waiting for him. something big. he'd had a dream. mary came to him. held his hand. his mother held his hand, you know and norse began to cry. giant tears rolling in slow motion down his cheeks, down his shirt. big round balls of salt water and when they hit the floor they burst into musical notes. mary said take these tears and sing. meet me when you pass through to the other side. norse woke up shaking, sure his mother was still in the room with him. it was only the sun cutting through the window, past the curtain. one white dust filled ray. oh mary mother mary.

i have to make it i have to

sometimes i wonder why this journey is so hard
i want to get there faster faster - i want to find
some one to love who will really just dig me for who i am
who believes god gives me these gifts - if only he would talk to me
help me break through this

god is a private issue for norse. he doesn't tell anyone he believes. he knows how stupid it would sound to these people. it's too serious to even discuss with them on any level. norse often enters the doors of the chapel of the immaculate mother. the doors are open during the day. inside the spacious chapel immediately cuts off the noise of down town. norse walks to front of the church and lights a candle for his mother. he lights two more for his father - - you need all the light you can get old man. crosses his chest kneels for a moment and then makes his way to the back of the chapel the magnificant chapel between the arches holding up the balcony. somehow it is a place of refuge between the two arches. norse knees and prays holds his hands up in front of his face.

tall dressed in black long blond hair. norse looks like he just stepped out of gothica - - the priests father bob and father bill are used to him. norse takes confession once in a while sometimes he receives an offering, communion - sacrament of the eucharist

i give thee the blood of christ
i give thee the body of christ

drink from me
eat from me

red wine

hold the host on your tongue don't talk don't take it out it will melt on your tongue
what is it aunti it's the body of christ. don't drink the wine child just take it too your lips. the priest holds the large silver chalice about his head, crosses the air with it. his robes hang from his armw. the priest reminds norris of angel. norse liked going to church as a child, the women would always fuss, pinch his cheek and sneak him cookies. after mary and james died and he went to live with aunti - church became an obsession. he made her go to the evening service - it was only a half hour service, but norse liked the outting. church was warm with the glow of candles - norse would stand in front of the candles, searching staring ' i'm praying aunti' that's what i do when i stare at the candles i'm praying to my mother, i miss her sometimes i miss her so much. he falls into his aunti's arms - her chest gets heavy with sadness such a burden for such a young child, well you are safe here with me dear norse - i will always look after you - the good lord willing - oh yes the good lord willing aunti -

norse found the quiet of the church a good place to think. it was also a good place to meet people. people who could help you out. women mostly, some men. norse mostly went after women - it would start with a smile - a bit of conversation. women were alway taken back by the sincerity of his charm.

. His sweet look, his lovely voice. A voice to melt chocolate. He usually went after women ten to twenty years older. He refused to fuck them, but instead you know I think you just need somebody to tell you how beautiful you are. You are a beautiful women, some one should kiss you. I think you deserve something special in this life. Words of this caliber were good for meals, clothing and shelter. Some times it was just a night, sometimes it lasted for weeks, on a couple of occasions it lasted months. Usually the women had lovers, some husbands, most of them money. Money is key. If you want to get anywhere in life you need money and a good pair of shoes. What I’d really like is a bit of whiskey you got any whiskey and he’s off to the races. It’s the whiskey that generally ends most of the love, the giving,
the sharing. the roof over his head. norse learns to travel light. finds room mates that aren't too demanding. and when he really wants something he just takes it. finds a way a means. norse is determined. he likes rich women. and he likes fags too. and the funny things is - he get's blow jobs all the time. because that doesn't count as sex. norse - receiver, taker. norse with nothing to give but a good line

but i sound biased. mean. perhaps contempt. well i always believe what comes around goes around. norse went full circle. he took and he took until he could take no more. i gave and i gave until i could give no more. and what did i get in return? nothing norse gave me nothing but this story. well, he gave me heart break - he really hurt my heart - - all those times i stood behind him - all those times i told him he really was the chosen lest he should freak out and go into a rage. once i told him i didn't believe in god, you know, and he like cursed me, told me 'god has a plan for you' even if i didn't have a plan that is. i walked around for a week looking over my shoulder, thinking something bad was going to happen to me, honestly i thought a demon or something was going to come at me, rip me limb from limp tear out my heart or something - some horrible death - something more horrific than i could ever imagine. that was the power of norse. you know, he could have a hitler, or mao se tung, or even david koresh - he fancied himself the prophet and felt that if only he could a few people to follow, to be his desciples then his job would be done. then nothing else would matter. he could sit back and get drunk drink more whiskey, smoke a couple cigarettes, may be find a nice girl
eat some good meals - norse didn't want to have to work too hard tho -

okay back to sleazy rob rankin - norse hangs at robs place for a few weeks. norse holds it together - turns on the charms be's a good boy a good norse - old rob sees the charm well some of the charm turns on a bit of his own. after all he is at least ten years old than norse here - i should know somthing about some thing about this god damn business. hey norse are you with me or against - they share a bottle of whiskey. start making out. norse sucks rob off - rob gives him a hand job - they kiss and it feels good. okay norse if you can carry your self with any amount of decency i will take you los angels and intoduce you to this friend of mine - he makes porn - you could be in porn make a shit load of money. this this guy i know - he's rich and the guy he works for - well don't get me started - but man oh man norse knowing you - you could get into that guys pocket book - just make the old fag fall in love with you and i guarantee you won't have suck anybody off in front of a camera - - and even if you do have suck someone off - man the money enough to make you go gargle and say hey that's an easy 500 bucks , come on norse man - i'll buy you a ticket

and norse is thinking your lips are not nearly as red as petes lips, but he does like something about black mopped haired rob in his suites . well dressed man - hey rob you got some clothes i could borrow or have. i'v just got so run down hangingwith those punks man any thing good i had they took those chicks are the worst you know - i lost boots, my leather jacket. all kinds of shit. i'm a the point i look like a tramp - well norse if its any consolation you look like a well healed tramp - you've got cordoroy on - you look pretty buff - let's go shopping for you - once we get ther you are going to have so much money i can feel it in my bones i'll loan you the money. + you kknow i kinda fucked up last year with the money and now i'm not with those guys at little records and they won't uphold the contract. i think if we go to la, we re going to make lots of money in movie industry and what's more important 0 if you want to be discovered we have to get you out of this dump

norse decides to let pete know the sudden shift in plans - i gotta go over to the terminal and say good bye to pete man - you know and he gets there and asks for pete and the dumb chick on the couch pinned eyes says yeah - he's up stairs with natalie

he finds his way up there. pete is so fucked up hey man gravel voice 0 he smiles holds his arm up blood streaks dried to the back of his arms 0 hey norseman 0 whens our next gig - did rot rankin get un another gig - it's been pretty slow lately man we need to jam gig it's been a couple of months fuck man how long has it been since i've seen you - three months - comeon three month? he starts to laugh no fucking way - where you been for three months norse man - how come you never come to visit me - hey that's not true i've been by a few times you're always on the nod . like right now are you even gonna remember i was here with you and your lady friend - hey lady friend natalie you gotta skoot for a couple of minutes me and norse we gots lots to talk about. don't we norse don't we norse . hey norse you got any cigarettes, oh yeah i got a couple of smokes, you got a line man 00 i'd buy a gram of junk off you if you have it. and pete raises his eye brow where the fuck did you get enough money for a gram - oh it's not for me it's for some one else - but hey well i'm here for old times sake - you gott any clean needles - yeah i got one i rinsed out 0 he gets up stumbles for it - it's on the table maybe in side the drawer
and there is is . a ten cc needle - come on pete let's cook up a good batch a fat hit - i'm leaving town tomorrow - i gotta chance to be in the movies in la - porn movies - i mean i'm not gonna lie - what's the point in lying - yeah hopefully i'll be boning beauful chicks - i wish i could just be boning you - and pete laughs - i know i known - hey come here closer i want to tell you somethin and norse leans into petes face. pete grabs and pulls him close close until his mouth is crushed gainst norses. norse opens his mouth and receives pete pressing moving tongue. neither one notices natalie comeing in to the room and turning and leaving - i mean how can you complete with two fags / two boys kissing for the last time / and this was to be the last kiss

norse gets high with pete / pete gets' one ready for norse. each time the needle packing a better punch - norse stays all night, all the next day and night - he's done - i gotta go man i gotta get the fuck outta here - i'm gonna call you when i get to la - i'm gonna let you know how cool it is - then maybe we could bring the band down there.

here you might as well do the rest of this = give some to natalie - - he throughs his arms around pete touches thoughs red red lips one last time - i love you man - don't forget about me

norse leaves the room, follows the upstaircase to the downstair hall - by the time he has reached the front door pete is shooting up natalie - by the time norse is at the front gate pete is shooting up the biggest whack of his life - the one that kills him

norse never knew what happened to petey. maybe years later someone gave him a round about the band that died/ that also help turn things into icons , at least in my opinion. i mean once you are dead you might as well be famous, if i recall correctly when given the news about pete, morrison and finally roger in the house fire, he didn't seem surprised. well of course they died. they never listen to the laws of the universe. do you know those men never prayed. imagine one prayer could have saved their lives. which always brings me to my own big question

do i turn left or do i turn right - naw i think i'll keep going straight ahead. ah yes
life is good

and so rob rankin takes norse phelps mcdaniels to la. the take the red eye from vancouver - it get's in around 5 in the am - the city of angels is a long white bright night sight / alls aglow like a million white pearls of light all connected
the jet is spacious, the drinks delisious, the stewardess hot. oh my god - i'd fuck her - i though you were faggot / well i am a faggot but it doesn't mean i can't jump on an occassion chick once in while . . i like to kiss girls too - plus i might have to kiss some girls on this set

from the airport they take a cab over to venice beach. there is a tiny beach cottage rented just for them

from the airport they take a cab over to venice beach. there is a tiny beach cottage rented just for them. ah Los Angeles - city of what ever you want norse they said we can have what ever we want. Norse wants whiskey rob wants coke. i'm glad we came a few days early get out yahyahs out. tomorrow i've gotta call daaveed he'll tell us where to go - tonight i want to relax what do you say norse - a drink a drink i need a drink to calm my nerves there's so much weird energy in this city - i know i've got to grab a vibe and hang on to it but i gotta find where the energy is coming from. i need to find a church rob. find me a church. just somewhere quiet where i can go for a moment you understand - church was a big part of my upbringing - it makes me feel - well you should understand rob you went to church when you were a kid - yeah but i hated church - it was something i had to do - some thing about being a johovah's wittness - makes life hard to enjoy all i wanted was easter and christmas - instead i had to read the bible - i ran away by the time i was 16 years old - - norse looks at rob - you sure talk alot - it always seems to end up being about you doesn't it - rob is silenced silence okay lets find you a church dear norse and let's find a liquor store on the way - -


you know you should believe don't you -
you should believe in me - you should believe what i tell you
i'm going to be famous rob - and if you want to love me that's fine
but i'm gonna leave you behind if you don't

forgive me father for i have sinned - i've had sexual relations with an unmarried person

and the father says - five hail marys and a prayer of contrition & norse's conscious is cleared cleaned out for a while - - i think there is a back log for sin - i think i can gather it for a long time - and not really have to worry about it - - besides - what are the real sins - sins of the flesh
my flesh my flesh and he thinks about rob and he thinks about pete and the hot stewardess on the plane & the girl at the desk down at little studios