Friday, October 29, 2004

steve jones

where are all the clowns - - i thought you killed them - get rid of them or they will start screwing around with your yard - call pest control - clown catchers

so tell me steve jones - what's it like
& this i forget

late night / this blue moon shines

full light / still / it hides the scars
some thing about being so fucked up
you can't see the light any more
some thing about being so fucked up
grace actually becomes an option

give grace to grave / or was that the other way
around / / you suck

and the words resonate for / this hour has 22 minutes
& time for gets' it's beginning / / & you thot this was a

i tell you = i joke you not / not when the moon is
this blue/ this bright / not when / / i forget

one thing i have to say

alcohol kills all the pain

body feels ----

free just for one moment

steve jones signing off
after another late thursday nite

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

cold eclipse / gin&methpoem


i'm wondering
what day your son died
did the sun fall from the sky that day?

lunar eclipse / brown moon sits
waits for the sun to rise

a poedy

You wipe the fog off the mirror and look at yourself.

ms finch:
nothing but ghost / fog of cold
steam defines no thing

nothing manifests,
alive or dead,

but I see handlocked words
squeeze as naturally
as babies
the cool blackness
of her eyes

ms finch:
out side / wind drops ice

blue bottom soul
can't take this pain no more

head tumble tumbles

sudden lee / winter cusps
scrapes on the windows

blow on the window-
to carve out little
in the mist

to hope they see
what the blood
in mine

dawn breaks with a fever
there is someone
at his stomach

ms finch:
morning tumbles out of dark chill
of night / frost coats / kills
the garden / /

sad ness of being /
season of dormant heaves
pushes the ground in to crystals

ensures death


black smiles
wild run eyes
in the television

and you hear her say,
"you're smoked out today"
as your body crumbles
into humidified ash
smudged into her neglige

whispers say the dream
that never questions why it lingers
on the solitary face
over landscapes
of torn bodies
and sonic destruction.

ms finch

some days sun of the brightest
yellow / breaks over my eyes

sky be comes clear blue
fools the fools / be warned
this sun carries no heat
only memory / lost dust

laying on the beach / wind crackles
bits of sand across skin / warm prickle

ah - that was june / july / those days
are gone / replaced by this cold cold
frost covered / hard freeze / ensures
everything is dead

wonder why some one would do that?

belly full of / groin / what is this dull pain
moon remains cusp brown / moment of reckoning

who did you say you were again?

ill schooled / nay brain says /
deconstruction destruction /

what are these words / tumble tumble out
down / / & he says

jesus fucking christ / / & she thinks
why R they doing this? / let me die

/a metaphore for death / fall ing from the 20th page
some one get that fucking bitch out here / taking up
precious space / she is /

see / the trick:
/ play invisible / play anger
drink demons / / breathe fire
spit in my mouth fool
tell me how much you hate me
lets die a thousand deaths together

behind the moon / behind the earth
somewhere it's day light / & oh that sun
it streams across a billion faces right now
& that moon / it's glow ing brown / face
like a pumpkin / triangle nose / is this what
spawns anger / moon man /

stand out side / frost settles across
our faces / big g sets up the telescope
children jump up / wiggle ice breath
go in & put your shoes on / / where is your jacket?
turn off all the lights in the house

& we fall in to the black universe
that covers these mountains /

rays ripple past this planet
& the north face of the moon peeks out
white shiny bright

look it's glowing mommy / have we ever
seen this before / i think so / may be
it seems to me / we watched this eclipse before

some thing stops her brain from fully remembering

she can't be sure

& so starts the roll in to bed
time for bed everyone / kitchen is a flurry
of drinks & snacks / baby sings / just don't give up
all all of of itit / its always all alright

did you make that up
yes says a earnest 4 year old

don't give up up . . . dad - dad? da-ad? where are you

Monday, October 25, 2004

promise to touch

hi diddle dumpling
my son jon
went to bed with one shoe on

cat rolls over / shifts sleep stretch

tears run from my eyes / wet tired pixalated
shadows / millions of dots / crossed landscape
of vision

& this vision is what? you ask me what
& i say / i don't know / pain rips up & down
the legs - numb ness / dead ness / less

moon shines bright tonite / lights
up the kitchen / back yard glows
yellow autumn leaves / shadow of summer
after show / pales blue spills in to
on to / oh let me bare my soul / promise
to touch

Saturday, October 23, 2004

no - i can't

seems so hard to remember the day
the week
3 weeks gone by
2 months flown jet plane style


see there are no frills on this ride
maybe you'll never see me again

all i know is

i got up this morning / & couldn't remember
a god damn thing
what happened to yesterday

funny how valium peels back the brain
release thought / seems to kill all the pain

so / she's back / bleed ing
a constant throb of numb shoots /
down the leg / slow hot jabs of ache

see & this day / these days / grow
cold / & you wonder why my hands shake

stripes of green / this morning / snow
falls fat & wet / sticks / melts/ barely covers
enough for a slick
by 1 pm it's melted / leaves haven't even fallen
off the trees yet /

across the valley the day is blue / clouds rush
north up the lake / carried by invisible currents
warm air / cold drafts / oh those clouds move
full white /

but the strangest thing of all / the yellow leaves
bunches of / stands of / trees @ the top of elephant
mountain / back ground of blue & white / with a full
shake of autumn - - just to remind / it's st.ill october

snow's not suppose to be here for another month
2 years ago - it's didn't snow till christmas eve

the year of the hard freeze / / @ least the rain keeps
it warm / /

but you know / it doesn't take much for rain / it
doesn't take much for snow / a degree or two
@ this rate it could be winter / all winter / 6 months
of snow is too much to bear

so she walks away carries an arm load of depression
& wtf's - - can these grey days of forget be any darker
it's not even sadness / only a sense of empty / of

a whole hole / the holy whore / /

she winds down / to / this has been 30 minutes
do not look at the clock / remember to shut your eyes

Monday, October 18, 2004

see the water

see the water
& so the day spins in to
eternal sun set / oh it's pink
the whole yard / every green
is glow ing / air is pink

this is / the nature of sun sets

these are yellow days / sun brights
pure blue / & oh / are those white caps
on the lake / don't be fooled / this is
october / /

her last child was born in october /
the last day of her pregnancy she remembers
a day like / / feel those faint rays
is it any different / / yes / / she is older now
not wiser tho / knowledge / a tricky thing

gold / it was pure gold / & dark blue
lake fills the eyes / white cap ping
wind blows a cross the water / /

wonder ing
can you walk on water / because i believe
i can / see the water / from here

Sunday, October 17, 2004

this is dilato

st.uff happens / half-lidded eyes
fail to take in / peripherals

of a pattern / im
bed dead in gestalt
a vein of meta phore
inseper able / sick / sub lime

tension is -gone-
replaced with stupor / typed / transcription

he doesn't read anything / anymore
except news & paid opinions
political junkie / mute consumer
of media events / sometimes jostling back in
to the poetic circle jerk / to make a pin
prick of a point / d~rape~d under piles
of putrid naked philosophy / spoil ing
bur ried gems of jabberwocky &
slick syrup slathered aesthetic tics

hey / i like this idiom fusion

jon kaleidoscopesmith / has yet
to join the paisley guild / he has


resume / portfolio
that will get him a job / one
key to employment / gain ful
employment / texture-etching
labour / upon insertion / into
correct node of the nelson \nexus/

he will be
crafts man of eye can dy
the candyman can


this keyboard is aggravating / some key
i accidentally keep hitting / moves my curser
halfway up the notepad screen / wtf?


this ex periment is / over
layers of snow

a hot bath cures the cold / water sweetened
with epsom salts / hippie scented oils
rosemary / peppermint / & clary sage
to ease stress & agitation

steam forms in circles on the large windows
this is how wealth is measured

peel away layers of sweaters & tee-shirts
pants & long-johns / underwear & socks
step up over & down / into the cast iron tub

hot water softens calluses
wrinkles fingers / laves away
unpleasant thoughts / anger
& tears / the confusion of love

how much does a heavy heart weigh &
what is the temperature of a cold heart
with my toe i turn on the tap marked H
skin isn’t nearly red enough

when we were junkies
we went to the steam baths on east hastings st.
we would sweat it out
try to cleanse / steam away the pain the aches
return to normalcy

eyes closed arms crossed / i hold my breath &
go under / pretend to be somewhere else

excuse me / i'm not here right now
could you leave a message / i'm waiting for snow

the year is over / washed out
blue sky hides behind clouds & gray
autumn now / brown & worn orange

the earth waits for winter / traces of snow
to hide the dirt / soften sharp lines / create silence
cleansing of another kind

a layer of snow to cover the pain
a layer of steam to melt it off again

these are eggs

i for got about you
/ when i left surreality
& became / real again

so to day she starts health
over / again / leaves home
drives up the valley

wind along the slocan river
the high way / narrow / twists
empties out / on to / straight stretches /
through crescent valley / past slocan park
through winlaw / past lemon creek

all the while / mountains / the mountains
rise / bold / rock faced / they hold this valley
tight / / this is autumn / trees turn excited lee
to yellows & reds / oh the reds / burn ing bush
this is glory / against blue skies / & air / crisp
crisp / crisp / this is what the nose smells
pure est air of all / taste the river / water
this is the smell of water / & millions of
trees / fir / pine / cedar /

she puts her arm out the window
summer definite lee gone /

it's so hard to write a poem about my children
to name them
for each one i carry a burden of guilt
of perhaps something not tended to

lost fathers / /

6 children & 3 fathers
4 from one / one from one
one with this one /

one missing alcoholic
one missing (presumed dead) junkie
& one who is on the road all the time
missed the most / he's been here longer
than the other two combined / / /

see / this is not a poem / /
this is children with out a daddy
this is an eldest son / who cried @
the age of 6 / when am i going to see my dad again
i keep waiting & waiting / every day & ever night
i wait to see my dad again / /

this is running from an abusive relationship
he's the child his father loved / the rest were
mine / /

this is a 5th child / red haired / tempered
who met his father once / but there is no
memory for new borns / / a relationship
fleeting / not meant to last /
he knows he is different / a mercy fuck
a freedom baby / /

this is 4 year old / the baby / a father
who works on the road / the road is long

i miss my dad he says / / but he knows /
they know / no other / life /

but this one

i ask the older 4 if they want me to
try @ find their dad / they say no
beyond care ing

chickens scare her / yucky
gross things / with feet covered in shit
some with feathers picked / red bald
from their asses /

but they are happy to see her
she / with the bucket of grub
the instructions were:
just give them the compost

but it is lean times with
this poet cooking / not much
left to throw into the compost bucket
so she picks them / chick weed / cabbage &
broccoli leaves / swiss chard from the garden

there is feed / seeds / mixed grains
chickens peck peck peck /
what a boring life you chickens have
just live to eat / what else is there
/ / peck peck peck
she talks to them / like children /

chickens really like:
cooked oatmeal / mint tea bags?
scrambled eggs & spagetti noodles
with sauce / /

but it's their eggs that fascinate

the hen house is dark / stinky
& full of cobwebs / the feed bin
in side / / duck down / no stand ing
room / one chicken sits inside
watch ing her / first one eye
then the other / glint glint

open bin / hope there are no mice
scoop feed from separate bags
take out side / for the girls
fill feeder / toss some on the ground
back in side / don't for get to close the bin

search in the dusty dim for
eggs / not many / 3 or 4 a day

they don't lay much these days

bit's of shit & saw dust
stick to the shells / washed /
they must be washed / placed in
cartons / 2 doz this week
neighbour children come for
them on sundays

brown / spotted / white
round / oblong / bumps & ripples
some with 2 yolks / orange
the yolks are brightest orange
these are farmer's eggs / not
manufactured / ware housed eggs

these are chickens / /

this is the grave yard

to day / late after noon
she walks / up the high way
down the road / here the cars st.ill
clip by / too fast
remember / walk facing the traffic
stay well over / / cars hit people all the time
shrug down tighter in to / coat / scarf
around head / around neck / hoodie pulled over
hmmm / deaf to on coming traffic
she decides to follow the road / that cuts
off at an angle / / no reason / / just is @ the end of the road / more roads
the gas station / a hardware store disguised @a house / out building / something / / maybe it's not a hard ward store / fords / chevy / trucks parked out side / / &
on the other side of the roadthe grave yard / / bones / i can smell bones
village of slocan cemetary / welcome
a flat field / some places / no grave markers except the sunken earth / the ground takes
every thing back eventually / some graves
a hundred years old / head stones thick with
black fungus / spots / errosion erases names / for ever / hmm
well some one was buried here / i know not who
dead children are the saddest / entire generations
buried together / are second saddest / mother / fatherson / brother / sister / / lived & died long before i was
ever born
every where / graves sink into / cement snaps
the guy who just finished pour ing cement
over a pair of graves / says / well / when
the casket finally rots / the ground caves in
a couple of feet / all you can do is heap it up
(that's why they do it)
or pour a big thick cement slab
suddenly there are two other men in the grave yard /
& a woman chasing2 white chickens / she gives up / the men leave
i walk alone among the dead
try ing to remember

this is my birthday

this is anger / words split by
so fucking what

but this is not her anger / it is someone else's
it flies through time / & space

a flatten ing

against the earth she rides / her body
moves upon her feet / she feels / the rocks
the soil / cut into her shoes

above her / in the distance the cliffs are red / black with fungus
green with moss / sharp / no forgiving lines
sheer rock face / hundreds of feet high

will the mountain fall down upon me
will you / stop loving me /
will you / stop hating me

there are no for give ing lines /
no words to explain truth

these are the days of quiet
only a cat with a missing tail &
a shaved side for company / when she opens
the back door in the morning / the chickens run
to the door of the coop / cluck cluck cluck /
their days are boring / the same old peck peck peck
wait for the kitchen compost for a bit / bite to eat
they peck the mud floor / look for bugs / dinner
always dinner /

every where / apple trees / macs / transparents
old fashion / left over from another time / they
grow in ditches / over grown lots / people yards
most suffer black dot fungus / they fall from
the trees / small bruised / green

but there is one tree / next to the river
where the lake empties out / there is a path
way along the water / old rail bed / these
are the things near the one tree / / it sits
vacant alone in the field / it's apples are bright est
red / large / round / shine with your sleeve
inside / the flesh is as red as the skin / sweet juice

the old fashions root round / gnarled trunks
lichen layered branches that snap at the slightest
provocation / wind perhaps / may be a bear

/ / st.ill / they bear fruit
will of perpetual survival / seeds to the ground
seeds to the ground / this is how apples grow

out side the window / she hang her body
though it / lean ing out to smoke / sounds
surround / constant hum of the mill / the dryers
forklifts / grind of saws / becomes one noise
a wall / / across the road / some where in
the forest / the creek chuckles along / through
the woods / under the street / & finally to a giant
culvert / still not content to rest / it runs into
two channels under the mill / out / in to / the lake

blue / water is dark blue / endless / @ the north
end of the lake / the valhalla rise loom / tops covered
fresh snow / the weather office reports incidents of
snow in the northern part of province

how about the wind / did they say anything about the
fuck ing freeze ing cold / put a hat on damn it / & a long coat
where in the hell are my gloves / / st.ill she wears sandles
the only thing that feels good on her feet / soon will be time
to lose feet to the eye

these are hallucinations / when the walls tip
and she lights smoke in the house / only to type with
most lee / tired / see what the day of her birth brings

so far / bitter words on the eve/ she cheats sleep
with one eye open /watches blue smoke rise from
the cigarette pursed between her lips

tomorrow she will walk / the play will un fold

these are un finish ed thoughts

& so / she travels
up the valley to slocan city
not much of a city
pop. 324
living ghost town / gold rush left overs
where side walks disappear under grass& moss / back into the earth

not really sure which houses are inhabited

when she first arrives / dark ness begins to set in
fall dusk / she runs to the garden
& picks 2 large beets / tops green /
this is her craving
this is her retreat / house sitting
in an alien town / time for work

here / this room / technology
doesn't matter where you are as long as you are plugged in
she unpacks / only to realize
she has forgotten / the box with the
manuscript / all the notes / & her tooth brush
one nights sleep decides the need for her own
pillow / & the mouse / her mouse /

later the next after noon
the box is delivered / her husband meets her
half way on the high way / what do you do when i'm not here
he asks / i don't know she answers /
he turns around & drives away

today / along the old highway bed / along
the shore of slocan lake / she walks
the 'old tunnel road' / she doen't make it to the tunnel /
afraid the rock cliffs above her will collapes
sending cascades of rocks / boulders she is also /
afraid of bears &
afraid of the deafening quiet / ah this is nature
she sees a squirrel eating a large mushroom /
he drops it / the mushroom rolls down the bank into the lake

/ / / the lake is full of log booms / wind blows
each section of water in to a different pattern ofripples /
a cross the water the lumber mill
blows steam / towers against the edge of the lake /
the smell of fresh lumber fills the air / /
there is sun shine / but the wind is brisk ice
the high est mountain peaks are covered in fresh
snow/ the sky looms near black / clouds thick grey
the maples are decide lee autumn / the green
leaves move toward full flush pinks & reds
eye candy / poets delight / autumns small reward / /

true to form / clouds deliver cold rain
& the bright of day is over

this is rain
rain coats the trees
shiny baubles of lace
grow & fall from the branches
some how / things are green er

lichen / pale est green of all / tinge white
leaves of the wild cherry st.ill summer green
full flush /

cedar is the colour of lemon balm / fat full
giant cones hang heavy
on the ends of branches

yet the inner most branches yield indian red
cedar boughs /

this is autumn / when flat needle
trees shed in side out / & aspens turn
bright yellow

these are clouds

& see / this day is gone now
taken by night / covered in clouds
fog creeps / slick with rain
black road be comes / shine of danger
go slow / can't see the sides / the end
the corner / of the road
night / deceiver of eyes / plays tricks
yes tricker ee / watch for ghosts
on the side of the high way

you see / this body twists pain
un control able / twitch / tight en of the back
shoulders / high & taut / ribs knot ed
mind manifests / tests / what strength lacks
immaculate perception

so the rain stops / but clouds remain
ever present / whisps of white moisture meld
a gainst the mountains / & lay low a cross
the valleys / clouds change the land scape
to dream scape /

if one can get past the chill
colour be comes staple / reds blast out pinks
mauve strays next to the greens / trees black en
& every where / yellow turns bright est yellow /

the sun the sun where is the fuck ing sun?

it strays / waits / patient / who cares
it's shining some where / just not here
the sky is all ways blue above the clouds

there are no character sketches / no divine
examples of truth / & certain lee / no epiphanies
just bad brains / excuses / lost spiritual pursuit

trivial really / so she eats bits of cheese / & dreams
shivers cigarette butts / feels dull aches
of too many smokes / /

she wish es sleep
some thing to heal the body / the mind

this is sad ness

& so rain falls heavy / thunderous funny thing is / the sun st.ill shines
the trees aglow in yellow / must be can't be / autumn again / & a car drives by whistles by / purr of engine whines downit slows / enters the golf coursepark ing lot / / oh golfers love the fall
they don't care as they speed past the house this isn't their street / only a means / a waya path / to travel / to crack / the ball / a beerenjoy the green / this is relaxation?
for the poet does not golf / she only curses golfers / & errant balls with no fore! attached to them

& see these days bleed slow lee by not a lot / not a lot / can't get any thing done / silence in the house / silence in the house time built

so these are the days of chest pains / torn torso / dull ache of cigarettes / weed / stress / dull ache of pain between the shoulder blades / stomach churns / rips /
back of the head / heavy / this is not sleep ing get through the day / walk over it / cook a meal laundry / empty the dish washer to kill time spaced out / for get be ing / & just be
some how / the back refuses to relax / fingers for get where the letters are / this is confusion chase ing time up the street days coat ed in thick lies / silent resignation
& in the back yard grass grows tall / wild / loves the rain the garden reduced / reduced to this the rain / won't stop / even now it falls relent less / white lines of wet ness this is sad ness