Monday, March 21, 2005

when i can't move / i think of dust / more on crazy

i can't seem to move forward


i have 4 manuscripts sitting & too much fear
send them out & / or to give a final edit



fuck


what is the point?


i guess it is my own self doubt


*****





this day of rain / grey skies / snow blowing side ways
ah welcome to spring / / 21 of march / moon is almost full
completely cold / winter sparkles across the landscape


some how the sky clears & stars become the focus
for my eyes / / all those stars / so familiar





but it all comes back to the desert
full circle / i wonder why that is

she thinks / sitting on the closed lid of the toilet
smoking grass / smoking weed / staring @ candles in the
dark / wondering / always wondering


it's because / says his voice
you can't stop thinking about me

every time a door opens unexplained
or a towel slips to the floor / it's me

i'm there with you / remember
i can't forget



time flies for ward / always set to
tomorrow / which never comes by the way
it's always today / & last week disappears
in to the messy linen closet / falls in to
the garbage with lint from the dryer / all
those bits of trash that can't be recycled


yes days fall away / leave behind a few scattered
incidents / yes it was morning / i remember now
i think it happened in the after noon / i'm so sure
it was night time / i met you @ nite / never for got you after
that / even during those longest days i can't quite remember
it's you i thought about / & how the distance between where i stand
now beside my self / imagine being lost in a grey cloud / imagine
not remembering what may is like / green & all

forget spring showers flowers / & details of the month we just sailed through

it's dusk / it's dusk when i miss you most / when i wish
i could lay on top of you one more time / close
breath in your skin / thats when i salivate & my eyes
water / when i think of you / & the possiblity of never touching
the core / soul / who's soul? / your soul / the possiblity i will
never taste your mouth again / fills me deep / broken glass /



danger ous / i'm just not like that / / i only want to live on the edge
nod / yes / laughter ////



& she proceeds to look in the giant hole in the ground / oh god could
it be / i'm just like alice / / white rabbits & all / / well written
about / she is / that girl who falls down holes / journey to dream





& st.ill it refuses to make sense / i won't be pushed around like that
& time looks @ the clock & laughs / for now we've be come sense less
& she could give a fuck / if she could remember to give a fuck / but she
can't / / /



& i look down to the place / a hole where my heart used to be /
use ful it was / full of valves & things of importance // what use
is a heart / if you don't have one / what use is a soul if you don't
have a heart / / what use is a heart

no no / better to have a hole / one that you can't see in to / one
so dark & deep / the journey out would take weeks / months / possibly
years / / / sit on the lip of light ness / / don't fall in





do you know how much i miss you dark man / / arc angel do you wear
your cross up side down / /

touch my hip with your finger tip / / across my stomach
that's where you touched me most of all / i felt you in my belly
like you had lived there for a very long time / /

2 comments:

Erin said...

Christ Jenn. You get so much in here, bits that are beautiful and bits that hurt and bits that I want to stroke and hold. . . like a little girl and her new kitten, I want to stroke them and take them home. I think this may very well be my new favorite place to be. Love you. ~E

Erin said...

ok - you want to know how much I meant that about taking them home? I spent all day with the lines "I love the back of your head when your face is between my legs" I was like, no way that's MINE... where'd I get it from? Mary says it's yours - I didn't mean to almost steal it!