the soul has escaped

funny how the words drag out
on a nite like to nite

they sit there dance on my tongue
play back beats on the back of my brain

but to move them to finger / to this paper screen
finger the words / its all i want to do




robin pees the bed tonite - mama's bed
he's four / & doesn't have many accidents

of course every thing is saturated
the duvet cover / the duvet
sheet & mattress pad
a small miracle saved the mattress / ah dry


oh it's so hard to be a big boy / youngest of 6
forever the baby / today robin smashes the big mirror
on mommies dresser / it falls over / flips over 180
smash / on to the floor

child you make my hands shake / my heart stop
my dangerous boys / wild / in the moment
remember / children get crushed

so easy to die / when you don't pay attention

certainly death loves small & frail
pale hair of youth / lost eyes / smiles






the house has eaten a book
another one
an important one
needed for a grade 7 english class due tomorrow
put off until today
& now the book is gone / the book is needed
tell the teacher to phone me
i tell a teary eyed mariah
i'll tell her our house eats books
& that we haven't seen the cat in months
& there was a frog who mysteriously disappeared
we both know the teacher won't buy it

we do know the book is gone / bound to turn up
@ some later date / but until then / i can't search
any more / / we've turned the house up side down
checked the chairs & under the beds /' all the book shelves
& cupboards / / it could be any where
but it's no where to be found




so i spent the winter gaining weight
some much needed weight / but now i'm
flabby / my ass & legs white & large for me



every one says you look good / can't even tell you gained
weight / where is it / i can't see any thing (i show them
the roll on my belly ///
now i feel yucky & fat /








obsession is what i have
when i comes to myself
i can't stop thinking about me

my uncontrollable desires & cravings
cigarettes in the middle of the night
joints in the morning /binging on food & alcohol

so strange to think so much of my self
& yet not have any control over the actual being
yes i'm obsessed with being out of control
having none what so ever


it's extremes / every thing i ever do
is full on or nothing /

it's like trying to live safely on the edge


so like are you trying to fall in to the vat of boiling acid
why do you stand so close to the edge







i keep forgetting you are gone now
some how walked a away from all this

miss my beating heart / it stops
every so often to remember i does
that every now & again

i think the heart can take you close to death

i think perhaps the heart is the soul pounding to get out

bang-bang bang-bang / from the first breath to the last

bang-bang / let me out / & when the heart is quiet

even for a moment / it means the soul has escaped