the earth st.ill spins for me

& so there are no words left on this late nite




body rocks with chill sik flu / snot runs / lungs ache



& i am disappointed / & hide













& i am full of sadness for my children
who are full of sadnes for a mother
who is

full of sadness







& i wonder / did i turn the right corner / maybe i should have
taken the left turn /



face burns / i'm sorry little ones / i for got about you

& this is the mother who writes stories about killing children
& mothers who go crazy

this is the mother who tries to for get

6 washed through me // me //

a gate way for / in . to / life /

& i never asked you to get me born





some how it seems so pretentious to be alive

& who cares about you any ways / & who will love your children
if you don't / tell me / who will love the children


no one







fathers missing


& you / lucky child /


this is your mother / her /she / that woman over there
bent over in the garden / bent over the key board
bent over / oh all you little ones / i wish to stretch my back

stand up / for a moment / i'm certain i was taller once










& so it goes / day feeds in to nite feeds in to summer
feeds in to the whole damn thing spinning once more around the sun







just remember: never cry


never say your sorry
& only love one




yeah / where are my babies / growing up in to
a way / & i for get that i for got to love you more



& so the day closed in grey / much too gray
clouds above elephant mountain moved north
while the clouds above the lake moved south

it reminded me of june / & the lush of rain
pouring out of the sky /& the lush of thunder cracking
the sky / all added up to late spring /

you see / this is when the garden glowed green est of all
& the lupins became purple & my eyes turned black





see i haven't the foggiest idea of what i'm going on about
it means nothing

no more than a sneeze / a broken flower in the rain
or / slugs eating the yellow iris /


on the back porch a yellow ice cream pail filled with
ten thousand snails / who eventually free them selves
by crawling out over the edge / down the side/ anteanna waving
/ / they know
this isn't the right place to be / just like i know

this isn't the right /

place to be / /



i really do wish i could walk on water










*****



this is not what i really wanted / just a bit a fun
a break away / a care away /


(he lifts her from the floor / cradles her)


why why he wants to know / but he knows the truth
(they always know the truth)


& so gideon whispers in her ear:

bloodless nights transparent in the moon
ageless mercy nurtures your womb

cross hangs on the back of a scarecrow
winds blow over harvest fields

shadows shone the dawn
with the crescent glory of despair


& she says / glory of despair
yes / me / despair / right because

after all / isn't that what you wanted

& i am fall ing down ward





& one supposes that fall ing down ward would be the most
natural thing in the world


& i imagine on a night like to night / when whitest clouds
do the drift / & a few brave stars stick around to twinkle twinkle
because they know / those damn stars / i need them /
that i shouldn't be listening to the killing words of gideon

so poisonous /




& st.ill i find my self walk ing through the valley
of

fear no evil /



so i look / to ward the light / you know / try & imagine i'm jesus
or lucifer / either one / i'm partial to both / & if i had wings i'm sure one
of them would be torn away by now / bleed ing / i'd probably be bleeding






& why you gotta hurt the ones you love / why you gotta say the things you do



these are not poems / these are not even words /
i for get what i came here to say / i for got why i came here @ all




& i am drowing in sadness / & i don't know why
































/