i for get who i am / / most days / disappear in to
more days / & it is futile to get worked up about things like
the lawn needing to be mowed / & laundry / & the state of my office
oiy vay / & i'll be damned / i'm sure i'm damned
& the day goes some thing like this / a blur a / fog of morning
& school's out for summer / & piles of paper appear on the table
cleaned out from lockers & desks / & what to recycle & what to keep
& i tuck things away / because they will never return to this moment
this very instant in time / & remember when / i try to remember when
yes / a child / once i was a child / & i remember lonely / disappointment
& yahoo / let's stay up late / & sleep all day / & no no / it's time for bed
but some don't go / & 1 am finds the girl child milling about the house /
not tired / / /
i demand my space / send her away / yet / she reappears again & again
& now i rock this side of the clock & oh i'll pay tomorrow / when the sun is high
& my head lop sided with tired / fails to pay /
& you see / i am lost in a sea of thought / a head that won't stop thinking
& i'm so glad the garden keeps growing / perhaps tomorrow sun will shine
with out clouds / with out the darkness of day crushed by storm &
rain / oh / the rain / & it falls heavy / fills yellow ice cream pails /
the rusted red wheelbarrow /puddles / it gathers & falls some more /
peoneys knocked to the ground/ the lupins finished
& i'll never get caught up / & some thing about dead head ing panseys
& god damn it / the slugs are having a field day / strawberries are ripe
& you see / this is the height of summer / & i can see stars to night
clouds & all / now wisps / & behind elephant mountain / lightening
lights / vibrates the sky / i wait for aurora / & those nights when shocks of
white / streaks of green / the sky is falling / & light swoops across the roof
of the house /
& i am okay with this / cold warm night / & skin is happy to be bare
only wishes to be touched / / lover / where do you sleep / not with me
i sleep the alone sleep of mother / constant touch of child / & i am never alone
& i am always al one / wish me out of this head / & i dream of / obsess /
fox glove / & i am poison / words cycle out again / & the air smells different tonight
return to willow / hand on my stomach / pull couch grass / clover / fat leaved weeds
willow always bends / / & i am on my knees again / my hands / face against the couch
spine mocks the shoulders / /
i for get why i came here / & this was a prayer for what / a just cause
you are my sick ness - in 3 move ments
i. the truth is this
i miss him /
the one i crave /
you don't really love him
but see / i do /
love an aspect of him
the
hold me in your arms / i love the smell
of your skin / aspect of him
the soften ing / when his voice quiets / tenders
when he says / i love you too
up stairs children wiggle in their beds
thump thump / against the wall /
what dark dreams of children
reminded
he comes home to morrow / he never left
his touch / oh those kisses /
& when i laid on top of you / your heart / your breath
so close to me / / i loved
ride the fantasy / only for another instant
just this second / there isn't any other moment
because salt only tastes like salt
& spit is the elixer of love / & blood
washes red / /
ii. & so rain falls
constant reminder
summer is over / garden becomes / is a state of
rot / flowers most lee gone / a few token roses
a few arrogant sun flowers / & white echinacea
orange oranger centres
garden begins to shrill yellow
grass / leaves / get ready to die
autumn comes / days drop off
in to longer nights / evening sun
warm nights / distant / not for got ten
how long must i wait for this fool ish sun
to rise high again / can't stop this earth from
spinning so hard / so fast / i don't want to /
measure time this way / /
iii. she wants to measure time
in kisses / tongue snakes
in / out / slip er ee / wet / breath on breath
mouths lock ed in passion / hands pull / pull
time measur ed in / the next time i see you
so you see
this is a lament / for time gone
a change in the seasons /
i miss you like crazy
no real words / adequate enough
to describe / the whole hole in side
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