& so
i set sail around the sun again
such a tragic ride this time
the circle
thins
a body so in to over drive
it
thins
to day the sun tries so hard to shine
clouds clouds / always clouds in the sky
i wish they would get out of the way
instead the sky fills with thunder heads
that
do nothing
except cover el sol
judy our neighbour had a massive heart attack on sunday
it took the ambulance for ever to come / so says my mother
who stood on the front porch trying to figure out what was going
on at judy's house
apparently she brain dead & will die any time now
you know & it goes
some thing like that / / / die any time now
can't stop think ing about judy
retired nurse
alcoholic husband
heavy smoker
bingo
wild sons in to mountain biking
& other extreme sports
son almost died in a car crash last year
massive heart attack
wtf does that mean
did her heart just explode
& now she's laying in a hospital bed
brain dead
waiting wait wait to die
just like that / one day you're @ bingo
the next / well
i was hoping to talk to her tonight says mom
but she wasn't there
mean while
the crocus continue to push up up up
every where / the yard / patches / bits of
damn it i need to get out & rake / father is here
if i go out / he'll come with me / he's already planted
snow drops all over the place
but some how / the days have a furious shortness to them
a flurry of every thing & nothing / it just goes
& some times between the loads of laundry / the constant
cleaning of the kitchen / meals / i feel like running
far & fast /
so i light another joint
puff / puff & relax
smoke the smoke
remember that i'm killing my self
surrender / i had to surrender in order to quit
lose the fear / & just be / with out smokes
i don't know if i can do that
i feel so crazy in side when i try to quit
it makes me smoke more / / but some days
i hardly smoke at all / / mostly i guess because
there isn't time - - -
& just where in the hell did time go
is what i'm wondering
& then i remember / it was left on the other
side of the sun / /
& tho i walk in the valley of darkness
i will fear evil / so much in fact
rise / i say / rise
there is no other way to go
ascention
he says he saw 3 laughing angels when he died
from his heart attack / /
he says / he went through a tunnel
& a man's face / like a giant logger
said no / it isn't time yet / but he did n't speak
sorta sent it telepathicly
some thing like that
i don't know what i believe
mighty question of ? what 's on the other side
can i get there from here //// what if i just expand
from the inside out un til there is nothing left of me
& i'm truly @ one with the all mighty universe
then what
1 comment:
then?
i guess you comprehend the infinite - or not necessaryily the infinite but all there is, which is pretty damn close - which would be like the punchline to the cosmic joke - the omega moment - after a while you would probably decide to isolate your sense of self back into a random sample of this vast creation, for the novelty, the suprise, since as many philosophers and non-philosophers have surmised, omnipotence/omniscience might get boring after a while - hence the "metaphorical" reincarnation.
Anyway, this makes the most mystical sense of any theory i've heard, but all the same, there's got to be more to it than that. Agnosticism trumps every explanation, for me. And that's not so bad. Just a little freaky.
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