Thursday, January 20, 2005

don't you wish we could talk about all this

& she walks cautious through the day
sits up late @ nite / sorts fact from fiction
waits for the dark / to hide her

broken mind /


she resolves to stay home / ground
she waits for the ground to thaw
the days to lengthen




& i keep losing people
the very thought / disturbs

all my life i find lost souls
the ones that don't want saving
& i give them my heart

& good byes / & we are off
in different directions / /
ah / & then the ones who die


i'm grateful to live to 41
my deathwish was 42 / i like to change that
now if i could / certain lee / i don't want to
die just yet /

to walk through the garden / to taste strawberries
& raspberries / pick sweet mint / listen to the
warm wind cut through the trees on a hot july nite
these are the things i live for /

even the smell of january after the rains come
& the snow begins to melt / some where the earth rises
up / & brown dirt creates a memory / a time / of
i remember when you kissed me / held me close on
a meltly january after noon / snow turned slush
wet against our feet / / fragile you said







i think about smoking another million cigarettes
toxic blue smoke / the death of me / you can be certain
smoking kills / ah but for the taste of ash upon your lip
your bitter mouth reminds me /


acrid words burn red holes through me / blood weeps
& i can't remember any more / what is was / that made me love you


halo / of light / mary looks up
it hurts her eyes / sting of birth
doubles pain of death / one in / one out
unbearable pressure of bearing down
body contracts / quickening / crown
scream / moan / writhe / urge / urge to

push


when she sees him she is a grown woman
child birth a memory / pain receded / dulled by time
lost thots left in grassy sand dunes
swept away by ocean winds

this time
he wears a halo of light against brown skin
eyes glint against the sun / face lost in the
glow / not ledgible /unidentifiable / but st.ill
distinct / some thing about the glow of white teeth
a laugh / charmed / the chosen


i am of tender sole / tread invisible against the light
hidden by shadow / my face disappeared / when i left my skin

white legs against red tile floors / faces @ the window
watch the show / /

ghosts / blame the ghosts / will that / i wonder free us
up / from any responsibilities /

you see / the only ghost that haunts me / is my own
former shadow of my skin / white legs /

a corpse / oh bodies
lay over the ocean / oh bodies lie under the sea
spirits roam rest less the planet / it's all my
closed eyes can see



she can handle her alcohol / its just not like her
to black out like that / it was some thing else
restless ghosts / i feel them / between here & the kitchen
& over there by the men's wash room / some thing angry / unsettled
i don't like being in here by my self / /


possession / i watched my self leave the room
the door way / the hall way / a series of tunnels
flashes of light / i could see my face coming toward me
but mostly i could see my self from behind / the halo of light


like a moth / burning its thick dusty body against a hot light bulb






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