that / i must accept /

---

fresh skiff of snow / reflects bright
blue moon nite / air smells different lee now

reminds me of you / taste of your mouth
wet / taken / not given / yes / this nite
reminds me of you / & how we haven't spoke
in what feels like / it was a life time / it was
a year

& it's funny / strange like / how a person
enters & leaves / lives / minds / souls

i have one of those you know / a soul of sorts
it's aching right now / ask ing all the wrong
questions /
i'm sure they were the right ones //

so i took / the hottest bath i could stand
soak ed un til / i could rub the skin off my feet
the steam / choked me / i cough ed my guts out
my lungs / my lungs / so hard to breathe / & this
cold / settles deep / thick mucus / /

so i smoke thru it / / oh yes / i try to reduce
& i do / substantially / but st.ill / not enough

what is this death wish


& yester day fell in love with some one else /
& yester day / the sun fell be hind
clouds / left me for winter / & i am surround ed
all a lone / common complaint / ah ail ment of
the dis content / i've sat @ home for too long now
hiding / from / jesus knows what /

& the strangest thing is how i go down town
for breakfast with friends / & how /

you / i /

i all ways see you / & i am gazing in to space
try ing to form auras around people / & i'm think ing
my skin / so white / from sick ness / i am death / &
am i surround ed by white / dress ed in black

& i'm try ing hard to see the wings on a lady
walk ing past me / & i look @ / him / a
stranger / moves to ward me on the street & i am
look ing / in to his eyes / hard / stare hard

& he be comes you / & i have no words / i am
death warm ed over / in a hurry / to be a way
from this down town / scatter of a tues morn

i drink mint tea / lick up the remains of cheese cake
fold laundry / smoke cigarettes

eat ing cook ies for jesus / gin / bea / oh steve
where did you go / & i've got to stop fall ing in
love with my self / / ego / / i think i have to kill
you / / & with that / i shut my eyes / /

& think / /


i've fail ed / / doom ed to name less medocrity

i didn't even grow wings / doesn't meet ing jesus
count for any thing / & i suppose it doesn't
perhaps / i wasn't meant to / fly / /


i stand naked / in front of the mirror / push my breasts
up / try to make / what a man likes to see / / i'm think ing

tape / i could tape my small breasts up / & pretend
i'm not pamela a / / & wonder how she does it / & see
it's not fair / how the ones with out brains / /

ah / this is my lesson / & i can't let go of /
it's not fair / & i whine my self in to / my own pit
of / des pair


it's a terrible place to write from / / but i do it any ways

these days / i hide from blogger / live in infinite fear
big g / will read my work / so i hide /

jack hides from republican bitch es / i hide
from my husband / be cause i wish to pretend /
make things up / & he just wouldn't under / over
stand / / & i am hiding from anon too / fuck i hate
that prick / al tho / i'm certain / i was a much better
writer once




& the cook ie / kicks in / /



& sudden lee / or may be not so

i think of my bed / & how the house
it lit by a crazy moon to nite / & i am

feel ing rest less / caged a gain
prison er of blood / ill .ness

lungs that won't breathe


& yes / these words are confessional

i'm wait ing to measure up / going down
in a blur / of lost in side / my mind / a gain

for getting to talk / for getting to answer
i go places / & they / children/ him / snap
their fingers / call my name / call me back


strange thing is / i don't know where i go
lost in gaze out side the window / eye ing
up the compost box @ the back of the yard
& a couple crows / sitting up high / bare trees
dead garden / skiff of snow




& if i could only make the words move a cross
the page / if only i could speak in tongues

my tongue told you once / diamonds on the snow
can kill a man / freeze hearts / / i never re cover ed














november brings / lowt of wynter

& the nite be comes / is / oh these
long nites / bitter / & even the smell
of damp is gone / frozen in to the ground
until spring / / this garden is gone







& so my grow ing frustration
lays in my lack of persuation

to convince my self / to convince my self
it's not the way it should be / it's just the way
that it is / /





/