& see again / i hide in this late nite
chewing chicken bones & wonder ing
just wonder ing / wft am i doing
& my fingers sticky with grease
my mind sticky with grief
all the while / swatting fruit flies attracted
to the thick ness / sweet / smoke of my breath
& the blue of this stupid screen
i am sick of killing flies / i am scared of the snake in my garden
& you see / it's when i stop the worry / calm the thots
that's when / / they come back / / black thots that is
& i am made of crazy /of numb indifference / & i wish to
take a vow of / tho i walk through the valley of risk /
i fear
only my self / / & i wonder / why / i do the things i do
& if only i could whisper out loud / / but it's the snake
that terrifies me / / there is one in every garden /
& the apple was ? /
& i am picking apples for jesus / / a red one for me
always a red one / / / it's the juice i love the best
& see / it's the eternal thirst
what was it i was looking for again / /
& my original sin / this is not / i tell you
this is not
what
has broken / / breaks / my body is broken
waits
& see / i'm not much good with snakes / i 'm a rabbit you see
i don't know how to go in for the kill / cold eyed / yet
the shaman's precious / oh the eternal circle / & my hands become
cold
so the garden now becomes the place of
nervous anticipation / / a long ing to see / to verify he's actually
there / / for bid / / it becomes a loss of freedom / a calculation
of steps across the lawn / i know
he's watching me
but i have children on my side
there is nothing like the pounding of foot steps
/ & how the heart pounds too
terror / always / always
all things have a centre of fear / / in cluding snakes
& i am safe .
free too.
so why do i feel like a caged animal / why this constant yearn
stomach pulled tight / /
& there aren't even any stars on a nite like this one
high cloud / determined / always / it's just like that
clouds block the sun / stars / & i realize i can
see for ever if i look @ the sky / /
how long must i travel / stars made from for ever
i'm a billion billion / how old are you / & i reply
i'm for ever / /
on a nite like to nite / i trust memory to
guide me through the clouds
2 comments:
Thank you- what a wonderful thing to do.
I'll try to reciprocate...any requests?
Tonight you stooped to my level,
I am your mangy little whore,
now you're trying to find your underwear,
then your socks, and then the door.
And your trying to find a reason
why you have to leave.
But I know its cause you think you're Adam
you think I'm Eve.
You rhapsodize about beauty
my eyes glaze
everything I love is ugly
I mean really, you would be amazed.
Just do me a favor,
it's the least that you can do.
Just don't treat me like I am
something that's happened to you.
You put a tiny pin prick
in my big red balloon,
and as I slowly start to exhale,
that's when you leave the room.
And I did not design this game.
I did not name the stakes,
I just happen to like apples
and am not afraid of snakes.
And I envy you,
your ignorance.
I hear that its bliss.
So I let go the ratio
of things said to things heard,
as I leave you to your garden,
and the beauty you preferred.
And I wonder what of this will have meaning
for you when you've left it all behind.
I think I'll even wonder if you meant it at the time.
*ani difranco - adam and eve
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