summer is here / & they begin to tick
on my side of the clock / this nite time stuff
& i resent sharing the dark with my children
& to day / to nite / the air finally warm enough
to coat skin / make sleep un comfortable /
mama we're too hot / i can't sleep / i'm burning up
@ 1 am / boys st.ill awake
& i am jittery from an evening coffee / dinner for one
@ the sushi joint on baker st / i sit / face / down / reading
my work / & jesus / help me get through this / for i
walk through the valley of the frightened writer
am i not good enough / / i trundle a long / keep moving
for ward / / spin with the earth / / cycle the sun
& i find more words / place them to paper
my reason for being?
so mosquitos can suck my blood / & so i can feel
the bottoms of my feet go numb /
i slap another one dead / scratch my arm
junkie / no /
& my mind flickers back to slow draw of the junkie's itch
& the rubbing / scratching / an itch that starts in the back of the throat
& i am not missing those days / / it's another one of those dreams
a constant fade of / fact / fiction / i can't remember when /
but i know / it happened / & when i say
i was a suburban junkie house wife pushing my buggy around the neighbour hood
belly full
the look changes / & how can i explain who i once was /
with a bit of laughter / / & how can i expain what i once did
i light another cigarette / the best defense / not that i'd call smoking a sport
oh cloud of blue /
& then i remember / i found my way to sanity
luck / for give ness of soul / fortitude of the worst sort
& st.ill on a late nite like this one
i wonder // crave a // small hit
& i wonder if my stomach would churn
& if i would throw up again / again / again
it was always like that
& i wonder if i would dream /
& if i would loose all fear again / again / again
he flags the needle / i clench my arm tight
squeeze fist
& i can't remember that any more
& i won't remember / what you look like
when you loved me / when i couldn't
but who wants to remember the pain
there are more pressing things / like summer
& how the strawberries ripen / a few each day
quick lee eaten / drawn up / in to hot sticky mouths
& you know / it's huckle berry season again
& the currents turn redder each day /
soon / soon / raspberries
& the children pick mint / chew lemon balm
pluck sprigs of chive / / they are the ones who
find lady bugs / & green spiders / keepers of snails
garden is the first world
& so they say / flower give off good vibes
happy vibrations / but it's their colours
i like
& the way mock orange / say it again / mock orange
sweets the nite air / & i wonder why white flowers
are more bright / right before dawn / why the scent
moves / folds me / in to /
all i can do is sigh /
no words to adequate lee describe
the almost cool ness of pre dawn / & the queer pale
blue just before sun rises / / & the way first rays
cut a cross / dew damp of morning / / & colour intensifies
there is a constant shuffling of bodies / turning in the nite
walls echo above me / / sweat covered / / deep sleep of growing
& i envy the body of youth / & all i loved / lost in my ignorance
it is not an easy travel / / which lesson was this
keep going for ward
& i ponder painting my toe nails / red
& how the big dipper moves to the north mountain
so quick lee / land mark of the sky / & / i will never get
lost in the desert
& out side my window / trees shuss / oh mighty wind
a breeze you say / & i love warm summer wind /
& so you should / you say / it cleanses my skin
sharpens my fine sense of season / you see / you say
it's summer again / time of high sun / & oh those dog days
consellation i can't find / & i saw you once / but of course
i can't remember when / where that was / perhaps it was
just a phone call / some thing like that / /
trees rise again / / again / i am fraught for words /
& the house breaks sound again / again / children tumble tumble
arms / legs askew / blankets tossed to one side / sheets pulled back
lost pillow cases / / oh the nite is warm / finally warm
& oh the nite is late / always late / & i hope
it's a really good sleep when i die / some thing solid
a good long dream / where i don't wake up again /again /again
//
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