Sunday, June 05, 2005

& i'm hearing ghosts again / bits of nothing

/


& so i smoke pot
to recover / in to the night



this body twists pain / a constant reminder

i'm alive



spent the evening working on the play
(ran run running /i ran away from home
for a couple of days to do it)


falling / falling in to place / i'm starting to feel good about it

*note: it will pass













i gave you 2 flat round rocks


i like round rocks i said


what else of me did i have to give


certain lee not the love you de sired


don't ask me why i do the things i do


i don't have an answer


most days green is my favourite colour









& i for got folding in to you

i for got where i put my worry stone













& summer solstice moves closer / sun is almost high

still / it leans south in the sky / never quite high noon

some days i for get how to spell words / & i can't remember
what you look like / it scares me







& i am covered in sad ness / for my child
who gets sent home from school for fighting

is it me that's failing /

& i remember children with no mothers




up the street a raucous party rages

drunks high on saturday & beer

voices / shouts & laughter / echo the neighbourhood
big engine trucks / doors slamming shut / glass
guys with big mouths hoot holler / drunk alive

some where lost in the noise /
stereo roars base base base

& a cat screams / did a car hit it
death on the high way / vehicles roar out


& then you know / some one's car alarm goes off
honk honk honk honk honk honk
some one please / turn that fucking thing off

the neighbour hood doesn't wake up
they only
shift / cough / turn over & grab their pillows
an added layer to their dreams

i smoke another cigarette & listen


there is some thing warm about the sound of a big
party in the distance / rise & fall of voices / intimate incounters
formed by alcohol alliance / illicit drugs & secrets // a place
to get lost in the crowd ///



i'm glad i'm not there / i am not safe there any more










* yet i crave the party / body craves mind craves
moment of drunken abandon / when i become beautiful
to my self in the mirror


**oiy/the next morning thawarts any persuasion to drink
@ least on this eve / can't stand the pain /













remember :
there are no old junkies
& no old women alcoholics



i've seen people die from alcohol













& i wonder if i locked my car doors
will some one steal my 20 pounds of paper
in the box on the back seat

perhaps with any luck
they'll take all the garbage
& leave the paper

















& i dream i should go to sleep /



































/

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