some days are just like that

death crosses the mind / thot of
youth & age / remember the beauty of 23

our bodies / long slender / we were willow then
bending this way / that away / against storms of
heroin & alcohol / / we threw our selves against
each other / /

i'm afraid to show you my body now
i hide mostly under layers / always have

age sets in / / slender still / but my skin
thins / bulges / just a bit here / there / moles
& freckles // i've grown thick through the thighs
& ass this winter / needed weight gain

my sexy bits are torn from the ravages of child birth
i've seen a few stitches
& my nipples are thick from suckling 6 small mouths /

but i still feel like i always do

the same
not bad this older body / /


i've decided
youth is simply / a passing fancy of the old
& we wonder where it got to / i remember 20
like it was yesterday /
certainly it must have been

these days my children own
my body of youth /



/



& see i'm thinking about you laying in the hospital
you of the misspent youth / you of the wild boys / /
& it's so fucking frustrating trying to live when your
body keeps wanting to check out / / you remember the beauty
of youth / don't you





& so i dig deeper into the garden / pulling always
pulling small things that grow over night / trying
to grab a root / some thing to hang on to /

this spot of earth is mine / i'm going to grow here







& so there is a nervous tension / anticipation moves through
walks through the base of my brain / across the path way / going
some where / / / /


but where



see / i was lost in the garden again / or perhaps
it was that the garden was lost in me / ah / spring
shows up in my life again / i thot you were lost

& what else could i say / / & you said / i've missed you
too / / so cold on that side of sun / yes

so cold on that side of the sun / /

& for a moment i thot / this is all a conversation in side of my head
i can't actually be talking to spring / or may be it's the other way around
(ever thing has 2 sides)
spring can't actually be talking to me

i felt moisture between my legs / dew
lush of green filled my eyes / scent of
flowers coated my skin / / my hands / black with dirt






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