bleed nightly

& so 2 am arrives again

this is the official roll ing
to the other side of the clock

if i know you / you will be up now
searching for light in the early morning
it will be hours before any light bursts through
the cloud cover

i wonder what the ocean looks like
on this december morning / i'm sure the wind

blows in a mighty tide / oh those waves
crashing

because that's what waves do on the mighty atlantic
black black water / cold / ice filled
ocean of death


think of me when you brush your teeth
think of me when you finger my locket of hair




you are an eternity of shadows & ghosts
cutting in to the corners of my eyes

you are the salt on my lip
pearls in my hair





but i did not ask to be possessed by your god of
too many esses - - i did not ask to be mary



head begins to cross again †

i did not ask to be saved


i did not ask for resurrection



on my chin a red nebulous growth
another zit

middle age acne / / call it stress
call it chronic pms / / i hate my face
as my age bursts for ward
revealing in lines & pocks / how harsh this journey
how little i've care for

this temple / oh my body / dwelling of my soul

8 inch rule on all mirrors / any closer & i could be there
for hours / trying to resurrect a few black heads / some dry skin



clock tics 221 am - that is late / it is early

this time next week our xmas party will be rocking





i hope i make it through the celebrations
with out a headache or stomach problems
or the sharp stabbing chest pains i carry
around with me so often

i realize i live in this internal world
always looking out / but now being in

it's all in my head




obsessive compulsive
i grow jealous of jack & jenni
i bemoan to her on the phone
the other night 0 i wish i had a poet
who loved me / who wrote poems for me
told the world i was the lite of his life



no / / the man i love / / the man who gives me all this
i can't even let him read my poetry

i'm most afraid of what he will say / / can't take the critism
_+ i think there is so much raw me in my words / he would leave
how can i tell him of other love






how can i tell him to be kinder
savour these moments / / i walk around with a lone
sad tired face / brow furreled - as if i'm trying to think
it's a joke really / i reall y think i bring him down cause
i'm so sad and broken and tired and low functioning



so we smoke a lot of dope all day every day
so we only sleep to gether a few hours a night

upstairs those baby's roll & breath and bang bang the walls
this knees and heads 0 it must be heads / /


the crash of a bottle dropping to the floor


all this is old news/ all this is just every day
every night all this is what talks me aways from all this
which i can not get done / i can bearly read the words any more
my hands slow lee for get the keystokes




fabulouse is how i wish to be
but my hair is too long and scruffy
lotso knotso - - it's long and beautfil
red - but it must go sometime it must
part from me



enough about hair
enough about me


you - its' you i want to talk about

if you would only hold my hands & let me whisper
i'm dying / may be you would soften

may be you could remembe that some where some time
there was lust , excitement . you stripping off my clothes
now i can bearly touch you / i am afraid of the pain
of your entry in to my body - now you see

this night has gone too long
& i've said nothing even redeminglee poetic


these days i feel more like a women who's body is failing
the pain becomes to much / / but i can't quite cry about it yet
i carry a worry / / the what ifs / / & i love to see my children grow up


i love to run away to the arms of the my lover / who only drink & curse me
and made me cry / & yet that is not enough / /





there is a death to be explored main lee mind
it ends on a strangulation


i know the beginning & sume of the middle
fear/excitment





but i know he would never do that ; kill me
for i have children small chilren / / & if he killed me
then he would have to kill other s

& then i would have pychomaniac on my blood

i pray he kills no one

i pray he prays to the right god - the one
who tells him it is a sin to kill for pleasure
it is the only crime he dreams of




what is this obsession i bleed nightly